#bestselfhelpbooks

  If It’s Broken, Fix It

We live in a world now where when something breaks; we throw it away. It becomes disposable to us, including relationships. Being in a relationship that feels broken can make you feel stuck, but the Love you share with another is worth fixing. As someone who has had many relationships that did not work, I am an expert on what does not work in a relationship. Here are some helpful suggestions that I hope will help you.   Fix it BEFORE it is Broken

Fix it BEFORE it is Broken Ultimately, the best time to fix something before it's broken. There is the story that was shared with me by a mentor, of which I have had many, of two hurt people make eye contact with each other from across the room and have a relationship. What follows is no surprise, more hurt. The best fix in any relationship starts with yourself. Take whatever amount of time you need to recover from the sadness and hurt for any past relationships which varies from person to person according to Janet Zinn, LCSW, a New York City–based couple's therapist before you start another relationship.. "It’s better to get through the breakup and learn what you can from the previous relationship, so you’ve grown," Zinn says. Once you've figured out a lesson or two — what you want in your next relationship, what you don't, etc. — go ahead and get back out there. The second-best piece of advice is to be more selective in who you choose to be with. Thinking rationally can be exceedingly difficult when the emotional mind is in charge. The emotional mind is that section of the mind that takes over our decision-making capabilities during certain circumstances. This is an example of the two hurt people making eye contact scenario I mentioned earlier. These scenarios may carry an emotional weight with them that triggers various responses: dread, anger, sadness, anxiety, etc. For this reason, it's difficult to maintain an impartial, reasonable mindset when in this state. The emotional mind will tell you everything is fine, and you will want to listen to it, while the rational mind will tell you that something is wrong. The Rational Mind bases its decisions on facts, evidence, and what worked in the past. These activities are more likely to foster a straightforward, logical kind of thinking. We cannot be certain that we won't be able to control our emotional mind when the time comes, so the best policy is to know what you want before you need it and to seek that which you desire BEFORE you start.   “If you don’t like something in your life-Fix it” — Joseph Binning   Here are some things to look for in the person you want to give your heart to. They MUST be able to Communicate with and to You

They MUST be able to Communicate with and to You Communication is possibly the most important key to a lasting and fulfilling relationship. Communicating is more than good morning and how was your day. Communication is “im feeling bad because….” And being able to complete the sentence without someone getting defensive. To foster good communication, you must follow a few simple rules. - Always be truthful. Don’t hide how you feel. Not wanting conflict is a terrible reason to keep things bottled up inside of you. Being honest with yourself and your partner is the best way to be true to your truth, and to them. It's not fair, or wise, to make someone guess what’s wrong.   - Don’t blast them with the truth. Your truth might differ from their truth, so keep that in mind. A person who says the truth in a way that no one will hear is just a person talking to themselves.   “A person who says the truth in a way that no one will hear is just a person talking to themselves.” — Joseph Binning   - Speak honestly, but always with the other person's best interest in mind. Discussing tough issues can be hard enough. Don’t just tell what’s on your mind so you can make yourself feel better. Relationships die from a thousand cuts, so wield your sword carefully. Read my article The Key to Intimacy in Love, Real Love, Is Communication here: Communication   There MUST be Balance in any Relationship

When two people join together, there is now twice as much work required each day. While the expression “many hands make light work” is appropriate in this situation, it doesn’t always translate into actual life. Sometimes it can mean someone now has more work to do each day than before the relationship started and can leave to resentment. Here are some ground rules to follow for best results: - Make an agreement that we will not discuss any decision that only effects the individual, but we must discuss any decision that directly effects the couple first. Don’t blindside your partner on anything. - Discuss the workload BEFORE you start. There is no written rule that only one person must clean or do laundry. Common chores are a joint responsibility. Discuss this in a fair and balanced way. Overloading one person is a sure way of causing resentment. - Discuss your financial responsibilities and commitments weekly. Carve out a day each week to discuss what you owe, who you owe, and how you plan to pay for it. Plan for emergencies and long-term goals. Finance is NOT the responsibility of only one person and doing so leads to resentment and doubt. - Take turns setting up date night. When only one person is responsible to arrange everything, it leaves room for resentment and feelings of nonappreciation. Remember, date night is essential, especially after kids. - Take care of yourself, first. Keeping your own identity is the best way of keeping yourself balanced. Taking care of what you need for you, ensures that resentment for never being able to do what you need to do for you will ever come up. Carve out YOU time and honor it. Read my article RELATIONSHIPS-Are Not About Sex ~ They’re About You here: RELATIONSHIPS You MUST Maintain your Connection to Each Other

There Is No Right Way to Do the Wrong Thing Building a bright future requires us to move on from the past. We must change our way of thinking. We must change our way of looking at things. We must change the way we react to things. Therefore, there is no right way to do the wrong thing. Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing themselves. — Leo Tolstoy We think thoughts don't count; only what we do matters. But the Buddha said in the Dhammapada that our thoughts are the forerunner of our actions (Max Muller translation): "All that we are results from what we have thought: it is founded on our thoughts; it is made up of our thoughts. If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him, as the wheel follows the foot of the ox that draws the carriage. If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him." Change starts with a thought, a notion, an inkling, or a feeling we get when we know something just isn’t right. Most of us are aware of it when these thoughts come to us. We were born with a fight-or-flight response embedded into our DNA. Britannica defines fight-or-flight response as: Fight-or-flight response, response to an acute threat to survival that is marked by physical changes, including nervous and endocrine changes, that prepare a human or an animal to react or to retreat. The functions of this response were first described in the early 1900s by American neurologist and physiologist Walter Bradford Cannon. This natural built in response lets us know when we are in danger and when we need to change. But change, lasting, meaningful, genuine change only happens when we stop expecting those around us to change for us, but when we change for us, to benefit them.   The forest was shrinking, but the trees kept voting for the axe. The axe was cleaver and convinced the trees he was one of them because it made its handle from wood. — Turkish Proverb

  My statement that there is no right way to do the wrong thing, simply stated, is that when we expect others to change their behavior, lifestyles, ideologies, or way of thinking to satisfy our own sense of self superiority for our own selfish reasons we are not provoking change. We are provoking control over another by demanding them to change to accommodate us. To fit into our picture of what we believe they should look like. For change to happen in your surroundings you must convince those who you wish to effect that your way is a better way. To do that one must “show” them, not tell them. Show them a better way by example. Do not do what you ask them not to do. Do not say what you ask them not to say. Do not act like you do not want them to act. Do not justify your actions and yet hold them accountable for the same. “Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.” — Teddy Roosevelt

One of my favorite stories is of a mother and her child rushing about getting that last holiday season shopping done. After a long day of crowds, lines, rudeness, and loud noise, they had one last item to get. After entering the store, the mother said to her child, “did you see the look that woman gave me?” The child, in all its innocence, said to the mother “she didn’t give you that look mommy, you’ve had it when you came in”.   Sometimes in life we think its others that are making our world unlivable, when in fact it is us who are doing so. Leave it to the innocence of a child to remind us of that life lesson. You are the drivers of your own life. As you journey through it you have a choice of which paths to take, which actions to take, or not take. The people you meet along the way will influence your life and your decisions. Just remember that you remain in control and that there is no right way to do the wrong thing. I wrote another article about change that you can read here: CHANGE WHY IT’S NECESSARY ~ AND HOW TO DO IT WELL And here: YOU CANNOT CHANGE THE PAST, BUT YOU CAN CHANGE THE FUTURE   If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles. You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don't think so For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.       Learn Religions/Buddhism: Origins and Developments/Barbara O’Brian/accessed 10/24/2020/ https://www.learnreligions.com/right-intention-450069 Britannica.com/Fight-or-flight response/accessed 10/24/2020/ https://www.britannica.com/science/fight-or-flight-response

A Thankful Heart Creates a Grateful Heart

A Thankful Heart Creates a Grateful Heart Sometimes we forget to recognize the richness in our lives. We forget that a thankful heart creates a grateful heart. This is mainly from the messages we encounter every day, telling us to focus on what we don’t have instead of the abundance we do have. This creates a conflict in our innate nature, our inner self, our sense of gratitude. Rather than focusing on what we do not have, what we have not achieved, where we did not go, or who we do not have in our lives, we should focus on the many blessing we have that we take for granted.   “Be thinkful in order to be thankful,” — John Maxwell author If we take a moment and take an inventory of our blessings, I call it thinking on them, we will gain a new appreciation for how well we live, no matter our circumstances. If for example you walk in another man's shoes, figuratively, you will gain a newfound appreciation and a true understanding of how blessed you are. You will see: - How easily you can feed your body. - How easily you can feed your mind. - How easily you can move from place to place. - How easily you can attend to daily tasks.  

a true understanding of how blessed you are For most of us we are used to walking up to a light switch, turning it on, and having light. Yet 940 million (13% of the world) do not have access to electricity. For most of us, we are used to turning on the stove and cooking dinner. Yet 3 billion (40% of the world) do not have access to clean fuels for cooking. Focusing on what we do have, and being grateful for it, brings about a spirit of thankfulness. Gratitude is the least expressed but most important virtue in any person's life. It’s when we realize it we grow toward thankfulness.   “The heart that gives thanks is a happy one, for we cannot feel thankful and unhappy at the same time.” — Douglas Wood   There is a term called compassionate gratitude that we all should be aware of. It’s a combination of compassion and gratitude. Compassion literally means “to suffer together.” Among emotion researchers, they define it as the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another’s suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering. Gratitude expresses appreciation for what one has. It is a recognition of value independent of monetary worth. Spontaneously generated from within, it is an affirmation of goodness and warmth.

The heart that gives thanks is a happy one When we combine the two terms and understand the meaning of the combined definitions, we can come to realize our true abundance and can awaken feelings of guilt in your heart. Guilt coming from not fully appreciating how well you live verses the mixed messages you receive in your daily life.   "I don't have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness—it's right in front of me if I'm paying attention and practicing gratitude." — Brené Brown   When we establish the mindset of “there will always be a place for you at our table for you and your loved ones”, we begin to fully appreciate the rich and plentiful bounty we can all have and can all share with others in our individual lives. In this time of thanks lets all remember that A Thankful Heart Creates a Grateful Heart.  

A Thankful Heart Creates a Grateful Heart I’ve written another article you might like that addresses this topic. You can access it here: JOY✵HOW TO FIND, AND KEEP IT. And don’t forget life is a miracle. You just need to know where to look in order to see them. You can read about it here: MIRACLES ✵ HOW TO SEE THEM EVERY DAY   If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles. You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don't think so For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

  All That Matters Is What We Do in The End

All That Matters Is What We Do in The End   Selfishness, we all suffer from it, have suffered from it, or will suffer from it. We were born that way. In our early years we learn “Mine”. As adults, it's easy to continue with that thought. But All That Matters Is What We Do in The End. Most of us are hard-wired to be selfish in some sort. In many situations selfishness is common. We want to take care of our children first, for example. Assuring that our children are safe and well provided for is a high level of concern. Assuring that our family members are safe and well provided for is similar. Many people sacrifice for their children and family with no complaints. Some do not.       “Thus, most of us are hard-wired to conform to a core morality that includes protecting our children, dealing more or less fairly with other people, and placing limits on our selfishness,”. — Christopher R. Beha     Merriam-Webster defines selfishness as: selfishness noun 1: the quality or state of being selfish: a concern for one's own welfare or advantage at the expense of or in disregard of others: excessive interest in oneself Selfishness is that attitude of being concerned with one’s own interests above the interests of others.

Selfishness is that attitude of being concerned with one’s own interests above the interests of others. The Bible says “do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others,” (Philippians 2:3-4, NASB). Buddha taught that "you" are not an integral, autonomous entity. The individual self, or what we might call the ego, is more correctly thought of as a by-product. Confucius teaches, “What you do not want done to you, do not do to others,”. The Tao Te Ching says in chapter 33 To know others is to be clever, to know yourself is to be enlightened. Most of us know deep down inside when we are being self-serving and selfish. Sometimes it’s an honest mistake, sometimes it isn’t. The trick is to know when we are, and what to do about it. “Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and it will not shorten the life of the candle. Happiness never decreases by being shared.” — Buddha When I think of selfishness, I see a hand with its fist clenched tight, facing upwards. We try to hold on to all that we feel and believe is ours with all our might, fist clenched tightly. What we cannot see is that while clenching tightly to what we believe is ours, what we believe we are entitled to, cannot be added to. When I think of selflessness, I see a hand opened wide, facing upwards. The symbolism of this exercise is to remind you that all we have, all we are, all we can be is not ours to keep, it is ours to share. By living life with palms extended up, more can be added. “You only lose what you cling to.” — Buddha By realizing that we deserve nothing, we gain freedom. Freedom from the fear of loss. Freedom from the fear of lack. Freedom from the fear of not being good enough. The Tao Te Ching says in chapter 46, “Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe.”  “If you light a lantern for another, it will also brighten your way,”  Nichiren Daishonin (Gosho Zenshu, p. 1898) Gratitude and gratefulness are the answer to selfishness. There is a story of a woman returning home from a long trip, and they delay her flight. Frustrated and tired, she visits the gift shop. While there, she buys a magazine and a bag of cookies. She proceeds to the waiting area, finds a section of the wall she can sit against because all the seats are full, and reads her magazine. Soon a man sits next to her. They do not exchange pleasantries but ignore each other. Soon the woman notices the man reach down and he takes a cookie from the bag on the ground between them. She was shocked. She thought to herself, “did he really just do what I think he did?” Soon, he grabbed another one, and then another until there was only one left. With a smile, he offers her the last cookie. Upset, she grabs the last cookie and eats it. Her plane arrives, and they finally allow her to board. Angrily, she storms off, cursing him in her mind and thinking of him as the rudest person she could have ever encountered. As she sits down in her seat on the airplane, she reaches into her purse, only to find her bag of cookies, unopened, in her purse where she put them after buying them. Sometimes selfishness can overtake us, especially when we are tired, in an airport, and just wanting to be home. When you find yourself sitting next to someone in the same situation as you, share your cookies. You never know when they might not be yours.  

“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and it will not shorten the life of the candle. Happiness never decreases by being shared.” — Buddha   Here is another article you might like. You can read it here: THE EMPEROR AND THE BUILDER: HOW TO BUILD A SIGNIFICANT LIFE If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles. You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don't think so For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report   Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

If It Weren’t for The Struggle, You Wouldn’t Have the Strength     “You drown not by falling into a river but by staying submerged in it.” Paulo Coelho-author   For some, the struggles in life create the need to be rescued. They feel there is not enough equality in life and that’s not fair. That couldn’t be any farther from the truth. There are equal amounts of pain and suffering in this world to go around. It just takes different forms. And if It Weren’t for The Struggle, You Wouldn’t Have the Strength. When you struggle you most likely pray, even if you don’t totally believe in who or what you are praying to. You look for a savior, someone to rescue from the pain and suffering. But when we pray, we pray with unspoken assumptions. - We assume who we pray to is real. - We assume they can hear us. - We assume they are actually listening to us. - We assume they care about our problems. - We assume they will help. - We assume the help will be on our time schedule and timely. If just one assumption isn’t true or correct, then nothing happens. No help will suddenly appear from over the horizon. The white knight on his stallion will not sweep you off of the ground and ride into a beautiful sunset. When we rely on an external source for answers and/or help, we create a weak link. A link that can be broken and cause your ship to veer off in a wrong direction. Possibly making things worse. When we rely on ourselves to weather the storms of life we can rely on the fact that: - We can know we are real. - We can know we can hear our cries. - We can know we are listing to ourselves. - We can know we care about our problems. - We can know we will help. - We can know that the possibility to help ourselves exists. When we rely on ourselves, our great unknowns become your great certainties. It’s your choice who you give your authority to. I'm reminded of a story: There once was a very devout man whose lifelong desire was to “see” who he prayed to. One day, while visiting a holy place, his prayers were answered. She appeared to him in all of her radiance and glory.

She appeared to him in all of her radiance and glory. In awe he fell to his knees and said, “I have lifelong hoped be in your presence so that I may ask you a question.” She replied, “what is your question?”. He said, “when I am having struggles, I pray to you looking for help. When you struggle, who do you pray to?”. She replied, “I pray to myself.” He said, “but why do you pray to yourself?”. She answered, “because it is better to ask yourself for help than someone else.” Then she disappeared. The moral of the story is who you ask for help during your struggles should be yourself. At least this way you know what you are getting. Help can come in many forms. It can be the government, who you pray to, a friend, a relative, a lover, or even a stranger. Sometimes we make decisions that put us in need of help. Sometimes without thinking it through because at that moment all we see is the problem and not the solution. One of the many books I read says “everything we need is already here”. What that means is that I already know what the solution is and what I need to do, I just need to find it.

everything we need is already here So how do we go on in the midst of a crisis? When everything around us seem threatened to be lost, taken, or abandoned? Have Faith. - Have faith in yourself. You haven’t come this far to only get this far. You didn’t get to where you are, only to fail. - Have faith in your failures. Failure is not the end unless you surrender. It is just a lesson about what didn’t work. Tweak it, correct it, change it, reinvent it, but do it again. - Have faith in your success. Sometimes success can seem like a failure, especially if you did not get the full outcome you desired. Take the victories and build on them. - Have faith in what lies ahead. Failure results from things that were not supposed to happen being put into action. Fix what didn’t work and keep pressing on. - Have faith in what you have created. Don’t “fix” what worked. Leave what worked alone and concentrate on what did not work and make it better. Believe - Believe in yourself. Each of us are as individual as a snowflake. No two snowflakes are alike: just like you. Like a puzzle with many pieces, it takes all of us to complete the picture. - Believe that everything in life is temporary, that includes our problems and ourselves. We are only given a small spec of time in the grand scheme of things, so make the best of it. - Believe money can be re-earned. - Believe houses can be bought again after another has been sold or lost. - Believe people can come and go. - Believe that we can replace physical possessions. Breathe - Step outside the situation so you can see the solution better. - don’t focus on how you got here, focus only on the solution. - Don’t play the blame game. Whose fault it is isn’t the main issue now. - Stay focused on how to fix the situation and stay focused. - Concentrate on what your options are. - Ask yourself who will get hurt from your decision and if you are willing to hurt them. - Own the solution. Weigh your options and do what’s best, but own the decision and stand by it. In the end, if you follow this advice, you will discover that you never needed to be rescued, because “everything you needed was already here”. If It Weren’t for The Struggle, You Wouldn’t Have the Strength. You're stronger than you think.  

You're stronger than you think. If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles. You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don't think so For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.