Operation Mincemeat Dashboard Simulator 2: Cruise Control
ποΈ queenjean
we're all sloshed at a holiday party rn and my married coworker (drunk on his own personal supply of wine ofc) has just decided that it would be a good idea to a) flirt with his other coworker/friend b) then flirt with a creepy guy who doesn't even work here c) then flirt with his BOSS d) THEN FLIRT WITH ME. ALL IN THE SPAN OF 5 MIN. like you cannot make this up. and he was so bad at it too
ποΈ queenjean
regret to inform you that this is indeed the same guy
ποΈ queenjean
update: hes now crying in the corner of the room
[1,433 notes]
π¬π§ ewen-montagu-offical
gona find someone to make ourt w tonihgt :)
πΊπ² american-pilot-stories
Did you succeed OP???
π¬π§ ewen-montagu-offical
existence is meaningles ππ i need more Wine
[239 notes]
𦩠masterofman
chat what do i do. the lady i'm into is obsessed with writing an awful bloody spy novel
𦩠masterofman
no seriously what do i do
dump him
snog him during festive musical number
β¨ je-suis-prezzo
him?? thought you said she was a lady π
𦩠masterofman
shut up
[36 notes]
π©Ά Liked by red-wine-fizzy-pop
πΊπ² american-pilot-stories
OMG YOU GUYS I LOVE SANGRIA! WHY DON'T WE HAVE THIS STUFF BACK IN AMERICA
#like it's such a genius idea #ik technically I'm on duty and shouldn't be drinking but WHOO BABY that's good booze #no spain no gain #tales from the cockpit
[29 notes]
π€΅ββοΈ parttimespy
Looking for a thrilling, highly realistic read? Look no further than MI5's own published* author Ian Fleming and his new novel, Casino Royale! Join famous spy hero James** this summer*** as he dons a swanky tuxedo and takes on foes beyond your wildest imagination!!!
*nearly **last name TBD ***give or take several years
#james #the name's james #ian fleming #spy novels #spy #writers on tumblr #writeblr #new novel #great novel #bestseller #up and coming novel #mi5 #thrilling fiction #realism
[3,409 notes]
π¦ deadinthewater22
sometimes I think everything is fine and then I remember The Horrors that await me in the garden
π¦ deadinthewater22
this is a post about bees. why does it have so many non-bee notes is everything ok
[22.4k notes]
π¬ ping-pong-diplomacy
look all I'm saying is that no matter how expensive your gruyere is you'll never be able to surpass the creamy deliciousness of a nice havarti
π¬π§ ewen-montagu-offical
look all I'm saying is that you need to go kill yourself
#how dare you say that about my girl gruyère #and you forgot the accent aigu too. disrespect #gruyère #turophiles of tumblr
[332 notes]
π¦ insect-a-day
Rove Beetle (Platydracus stercorarius)
#insect a day #daily insects #rove beetle #platydracus stercorarius #genus platydracus #entomology
[92 notes]
π ciao-bella-xoxo
god all I want is a nice woman is that too much to ask
π© coronerofmyeye
You'll have to be more specific, love. Measurements? Time post-mortem? Other physical specifications?
π ciao-bella-xoxo
a living one nitwit
#london corpse trade #<- prev IM SORRY THE WHAT
[11 notes]
π¬π§ ewen-montagu-offical
You celebrate the holidays every year by dressing up as Father Christmas because you enjoy celebrating Christmas. I celebrate the holidays every year by dressing up as Father Christmas just to annoy the ever living hell out of my coworkers. we are not the same
#happy hanukkah
[866 notes]
π₯ hester-leggatt
My love asked the other day 'what a Tumblr is'. After an hour of scrolling, he has declared that he refuses to join Tumblr because there is, and I quote, 'too much figurative language, incorrect grammar, and incomprehensible humour' and that it is 'utterly littered with people that should not be allowed to work in military intelligence, or any other type of intelligence, for that matter, because they haven't got any'. I love him to pieces.
[76 notes]
