#john masterman

WHat what whAt WHAT?!

🎖️ queenjean

we're all sloshed at a holiday party rn and my married coworker (drunk on his own personal supply of wine ofc) has just decided that it would be a good idea to a) flirt with his other coworker/friend b) then flirt with a creepy guy who doesn't even work here c) then flirt with his BOSS d) THEN FLIRT WITH ME. ALL IN THE SPAN OF 5 MIN. like you cannot make this up. and he was so bad at it too

🎖️ queenjean

regret to inform you that this is indeed the same guy

🎖️ queenjean

update: hes now crying in the corner of the room

[1,433 notes]

🇬🇧 ewen-montagu-offical

gona find someone to make ourt w tonihgt :)

🇺🇲 american-pilot-stories

Did you succeed OP???

🇬🇧 ewen-montagu-offical

existence is meaningles 😭😭 i need more Wine

[239 notes]

🦩 masterofman

chat what do i do. the lady i'm into is obsessed with writing an awful bloody spy novel

🦩 masterofman

✨ je-suis-prezzo

him?? thought you said she was a lady 👀

🦩 masterofman

shut up

[36 notes]

🩶 Liked by red-wine-fizzy-pop

🇺🇲 american-pilot-stories

OMG YOU GUYS I LOVE SANGRIA! WHY DON'T WE HAVE THIS STUFF BACK IN AMERICA

#like it's such a genius idea #ik technically I'm on duty and shouldn't be drinking but WHOO BABY that's good booze #no spain no gain #tales from the cockpit

[29 notes]

🤵‍♂️ parttimespy

Looking for a thrilling, highly realistic read? Look no further than MI5's own published* author Ian Fleming and his new novel, Casino Royale! Join famous spy hero James** this summer*** as he dons a swanky tuxedo and takes on foes beyond your wildest imagination!!!

*nearly **last name TBD ***give or take several years

#james #the name's james #ian fleming #spy novels #spy #writers on tumblr #writeblr #new novel #great novel #bestseller #up and coming novel #mi5 #thrilling fiction #realism

[3,409 notes]

🦎 deadinthewater22

sometimes I think everything is fine and then I remember The Horrors that await me in the garden

🦎 deadinthewater22

this is a post about bees. why does it have so many non-bee notes is everything ok

[22.4k notes]

🎬 ping-pong-diplomacy

look all I'm saying is that no matter how expensive your gruyere is you'll never be able to surpass the creamy deliciousness of a nice havarti

🇬🇧 ewen-montagu-offical

look all I'm saying is that you need to go kill yourself

#how dare you say that about my girl gruyère #and you forgot the accent aigu too. disrespect #gruyère #turophiles of tumblr

[332 notes]

🦋 insect-a-day

Rove Beetle (Platydracus stercorarius)

#insect a day #daily insects #rove beetle #platydracus stercorarius #genus platydracus #entomology

[92 notes]

💌 ciao-bella-xoxo

god all I want is a nice woman is that too much to ask

🎩 coronerofmyeye

You'll have to be more specific, love. Measurements? Time post-mortem? Other physical specifications?

💌 ciao-bella-xoxo

a living one nitwit

#london corpse trade #<- prev IM SORRY THE WHAT

[11 notes]

🇬🇧 ewen-montagu-offical

You celebrate the holidays every year by dressing up as Father Christmas because you enjoy celebrating Christmas. I celebrate the holidays every year by dressing up as Father Christmas just to annoy the ever living hell out of my coworkers. we are not the same

#happy hanukkah

[866 notes]

🥀 hester-leggatt

My love asked the other day 'what a Tumblr is'. After an hour of scrolling, he has declared that he refuses to join Tumblr because there is, and I quote, 'too much figurative language, incorrect grammar, and incomprehensible humour' and that it is 'utterly littered with people that should not be allowed to work in military intelligence, or any other type of intelligence, for that matter, because they haven't got any'. I love him to pieces.

[76 notes]

(This is mostly based on what my brother has said)

Charles Cholmondeley- From what Ewen has said about him and the several times I have met him,he seems quite nice and rather lovely. He's a lot better than those mean rugby lads Ewen used to hang out with in secondary school. Though the last time I met him,he was drunk (with Ewen obvi),he nearly threw up on my coat,he then threw up on the floor,and then proceeded to rant to me about newts.

Jean Leslie- She seems very lovely and strong. From what I have heard, she is also very ambitious and determined. Though I do hope that Ewen hasn't done anything too unsavoury towards her because I know what my brother can be like.

Hester Leggatt- She seems to be a very kind and honourable women. My brother has only said good things about her so I can only assume that she is absolutely wonderful.

Johnny Bevan- He seems to be very angry and, well, harsh to put it lightly (Ewen usually uses, let's just say,stronger words to describe him). Though since it's coming from my brother, I assume that he's probably not that bad and my brother is just a horrible little bastard.

Ian Fleming- Apparently he goes on about these bloody novels that he's writing all the time. Ewen even brought a extract of it for me to read and omg it's so crap. Very capitalist and quite misogynistic. Also very inaccurate to what it's actually like to be a spy.

Reggie Tar- Apparently quite weird but good to talk to sometimes. He also apparently likes ponies a LOT.

John Masterman- He seems to be extremely boring. Nothing that interesting about him.