#been reading

I don't think I would have survived k-12 with social media existing. I was bullied to the point where I planned to commit suicide and was hospitalized for depression and that was with me being able to escape. As in, I went home to an Internetless social media free home. And was able to escape on weekends from the bullying. Its scary to me to think what would have happened if I had a smart phone and social media.

My heart goes out to the younger generations.

So, quick life update:

I've been trying to get back into reading. I just finished The Anthropocene Reviewed and Piranesi both of which have been on my list for a long time. So I know I'm behind the times, but I enjoyed both a lot. Tbh, I was listening to the audiobooks of both of these until I ran out of spotify minutes and then rabidly finished Piranesi in paperback as I did finally manage to grab a copy a few months ago.

The Anthropocene Reviewed makes me want to write about my best and worst of the human epoch. The things that remind me of the great beauty and foolishness of humanity, its cruelty and vanity. John had a good list, but living inside it, the anthropocene feels very personal. So the parts I remember best are the parts that connect with me in some way. I say John like I know him, I don't of course. But I have watched vlogbrothers a very long time and on the whole listening to the book felt like one very long format episode where John reads me bits of his diary. I know that John Green does not know who I am and we will likely never meet, but I think we'd have good conversations if we ever did. I think we'd meet as colleagues, fellow writers, who must think similarly and engage with similar depth because that's what we chose to do with our lives. Dunno. It's not exactly a celebrity fantasy, but I still shouldn't think of this stranger as my friend. Parasocial relationships are so weird. I recommend the book if you haven't read it. I think there's a very measured balance of the good and bad, the serious and the silly. I think my favorite passage is the last one about the Ginkgo tree, the Mother of Light. It is strange what changes and what stays the same.

Speaking of which, Susanna Clarke is a trip, as always. Full confession, I've been after Piranesi mainly because of the Sunless Skies terrifying location. I will say that the novel is a lot less terrifying than what Sunless Skies did with the concept. But that is probably largely because our narrator weathers imprisonment and amnesia a lot better than I would. Or, I dunno, never lost my identity before. But that's kina the trick to Piranesi, one of the points of the book is that we're never who we were before. We can't go back there, it's already gone. We are always a new person. Our before selves are nested within us, but they are not who we are now, in this moment. That's just one of the themes though. Clarke is interrogating the nature of magic and there's quite a bit about the concept of a haunted house. Genuinely surprised I haven't seen more comparisons to House of Leaves when I see this discussed. Maybe I just have the House of Leaves brain poison (true) but I think both of these books give very interesting takes on deconstructing what a 'house' means as well as how our identities interact with the house's identity/meaning. There's a lot of difference, to be sure, but I think the comparison is warranted and fruitful. The house of Piranesi has a desire to be understood, whereas the house on Ash Tree Lane has the opposite desire, to resist meaning and comprehension as much as possible. The house on Ash Tree Lane actively punishes anyone who attempts to know it and therefore contain it. The very act of perception is an act of violence in that book. Whereas in Piranesi perception is almost akin to reverence, at minimum appreciation. So much of why Piranesi succeeds where others fail is his willingness to listen and perceive. But I would also venture that we might view his house as benevolent merely because it has a reliable interpreter. Without him, we might view his house just as opaque and even hostile as the house on Ash Tree Lane. Dunno, just a thought I was playing with.

I've also been trying to get into some new music and listen to whole albums and discographies again. So I gotta give a shout out to local band West End Junction, I adore their cover of Dragula (if you haven't heard it, please prepare yourself) but also a fan of I Will See You Again right now. And also recently discovered The Arcadian Wild and I'm utterly obsessed with their song Liar. What a wild fucking perspective. It itches in my brain for a character, but I'm struggling to name someone who fits. Please let me know if you think of someone!