#bedecent

I keep reliving conversations I’ve had in the past. First I’d like to state that the majority of the time when something bothers me and I speak about it amongst friends, I present only the situation. I feel this to be important because I want people to form their own opinions on the situation. This is very useful for me because we could have opposing views. And that helps me see different prospectives to have a more rounded understanding.

There are times I put out my viewpoint in the forefront. I do this when I feel a topic is morally important and that the person needs to take extra thought into the situation presented in front of them. I, by standard, want my friends to form their own unbiased opinions on the situation I present to them. I feel this is important because my personal opinion is that surrounding yourself with “yes men” only hurts you; solidifying your viewpoint when in fact it could be mislead. This is why when something bothers me, I state just the facts of what happened without my emotions of how it made me feel.

I feel that it is best to have friendships that challenge you. Where you are in the same moral ground, but not necessarily on the same opinion on all topics. But you must morally stand for the same thing. Having a difference of opinion is fine as long as it is opinion and NOT morals. An example is that is fine to prefer your coffee order different but NOT disagreeing on human rights.

I recently attempted to warn someone about someone who we knew mutually. I wanted them to know that I personally felt that this person (et. al) were not good. When I presented my reasoning (using an unnamed human example as well as (what I saw as) unsavory behavior), the response was dismissive; stating “if it’s who I think it is, they aren’t a reliable source.” I would not divulge the individual because of privacy as well as you shouldn’t need a face behind a situation to make it real.

I immediately questioned our friendship when I heard the quick response. It immediately made me feel the response was victim blaming/shaming. It immediately made me relive the moment of a doctor telling me that I wouldn’t have gotten raped if I dressed differently/wasn’t where at the party. This was stated to me as I was getting a rape kit done.

My point is that, I do not understand how when you tell someone that a person was victimized, that their response is that they aren’t a reliable source. I can tell you that in my family, since I am not falling within the expectations of what was expected of me, I was often dismissed. I was often seen as less than and untrustworthy. All of this was based on the experiences and expectations of my parents; what they were taught was expected. I accept that they see things very different than me.

I am not angry, but disappointed. For my parents, I accepted many years ago that I may never agree with their viewpoint. It’s not that I do not understand. It’s that I do not agree. The same is paralleled with my “friend” with their quick response. I also understand their view. But again, I don’t agree. Even when I feel someone is a shit human. I still have empathy to them. If I’m told they were assaulted, I would feel remorse for their situation. Even if I felt they were liar and wasn’t “a reliable source,” I would still feel empathy towards them having to endure trauma.

Now I sit here. I evaluate my bonds. I question if there was a misunderstanding OR if the person was just very honest. Which I feel is more likely for me.

On Being Decent In Indecent Times

Outside this morn, 6am, and I can hear the Cardinal welcoming the dawn, as I sit here, java in hand, watching/reading/absorbing the news. Every day another he did this, he did that, this guy was appointed here, this is why that is so bad, this is his latest lie, this is his latest unethical, dispassionate, childish, cruel thing he said, did, every single day, one after another and what comes of…