I am transgender and a dancer. Two things that don’t really go together. More specifically, I’m a trans male dancer. If any of you have ever searched “transgender male dancer”, or something along those lines, like me, you have probably come across the articles about the two well known, trans female ballet dancers. When it comes to transgender dancers we have very little representation, when it come to trans male dancers we seem to have none, so I want to write my story. I hope you will reblog this so that if there are other people like me they will see this.
I started dance class when I was two years old, but I have been dancing since I could walk and kicking my feet to music long before that. I grew up in local ballet schools where we didn’t have performances and classes were mixed gender (which meant that sometimes we would have one boy). I loved to dance more than anything. And then I hit puberty. If you are trans you know the experience of watching your body go through the wrong changes. Now imagine (or maybe know) what it’s like to watch those changes in skin tight clothing, in front of mirror, almost every day. My technique suffered. All I wanted was to crawl out of my skin, to dance in the body I was supposed to have. By the time I was fourteen I had begun to hate dance enough that I was ready to give it up, though only with the promise that I was taking a break, not quitting. I went to one last ballet intensive and every night I would come home and break into tears. I’m not a cryer, never have been, it was one of those “I won’t be a girl” things I picked up when I was really little, and there I was sobbing my eyes out night after night. To make matters worse, my teachers saw my vulnerability and actively made fun of me for it. I quit.
Two years later I’m back. I started boarding school this year and tentatively signed up for a ballet class. And that was it, I couldn’t stay away any longer. My dance teacher is loving and supportive, and she has done everything possible to help me regain my technique and learn the male steps I never learned. But it is so hard. Not only did I miss out on two important years of training, I have to learn a whole repertoire of movement, one that involves a lot of strength, without testosterone. I got accepted into a selective dance program for the summer and have been dancing seven hours a day for the last three days with incredible dancers. It makes me wonder whether I belong. Every day I am faced with the same truth: I am weaker and less well trained then some of the girls I’m dancing with, let alone the boy, who can do six turns to my imperfect double. There are still things I could do three summers ago that I cannot do now. But I feel a duty to push through. I want trans boys to be able to dance without wondering whether there is a place for them in the dance world, especially in the ballet world with it’s strict gender norms. My dream is to open a company and eventually a school, not for trans dancers, but for everyone to be trained equally and to dance all roles. I don’t just want a space for us, I want a dance world in which gender has nothing to do with what you can and cannot do. But to do that I need to be able to dance, not just well, but well enough to get into college and, more importantly, well enough to get people’s attention.
Even if only one trans dancer sees this it will have been worth writing. We are strong and we are here. My insta is psychopaths_r_us (I promise I’m not one, it was an old joke) if anyone wants to message me. I still have so many questions and uncertainties myself, but even if we just get to be uncertain together it’s better than being alone.
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IM me or email [email protected] to sign up. In-person and online. Starting tomorrow June 1! I will be there in person.#balletintensive #multidimensional #summerstartsnow (at Colorado Springs, Colorado) https://www.instagram.com/p/CA3Iyj-A_G2/?igshid=1kre301ysw7oo
Meet the AjkunBT Summer Intensive Participants: Chiara Gardini from Bolzano, Italy, says: "No words can tell how grateful I am to be a part of this prestigious program". She chose Performing in New York because of its unique training that perfects one's technique while enabling to perform onstage. Chiara is a big fan of New York and feels her dreams are coming true with the added bonus to be able to prove her dedication to ballet in The Big Apple Chiara has been dancing since she was 5 years old and moved at age 12 to attend Il Balletto di Castelfranco Veneto and then completed her training at Opus Ballet Studio. Benvenuta, Chiara! #ajkunbt #ballet #SI #balletintensive #bestdancer #chiaraajkun #ajkunballettheatre #ajkunballetschool #dancer #dance #talent #ballerina #danzaclassica #studyabroad #gifteddancers (at Bolzano, Italy) https://www.instagram.com/p/BxstD7jnGKp/?igshid=1aw4ybxyfl5mx
Meet the Ajkun Ballet Theatre intensive Participants: Jessamina Piazza is from Las Vegas, Nevada and is a second year participant in Performing in New York. She says "I chose this summer intensive because last year was the most amazing and influential summer I have ever been through. Chiara Ajkun's methodology has changed the way I dance and being able to dance with her instruction and her company is the highlight of my year. When I am performing with Ajkun Ballet Theatre I am at my happiest." Jessamina has been dancing since she was 2 years old and has attended summer intensives at Boston Ballet, American Ballet Theatre and will return for her second year at Ajkun BalletTheatre. She has recently been accepted to UNCSA School of Dance where she is headed in the fall. Help us cheer Jessamina! #ajkunbt #ballet #SI #balletintensive #bestdancer #chiaraajkun #ajkunballettheatre #ajkunballetschool #dancer #dance #talent @chiara_ajkun @i_love_ajkunbt @jessaminapiazza (at Las Vegas Nevada) https://www.instagram.com/p/BxTlCWqgDFZ/?igshid=mdb4bkfm4d6o
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Repost from @lexi_maxwell #nycballet Will be joining @sheerelite @stepsonbroadway June 25-30 #balletintensive Still some spots open to register! IM me! @danielcatanach @ramastar81 @charmainehunter @gwins_ @gsalvatto @alexeriksonny @jeffrey.salce @magadomene (at Steps on Broadway)
MOBA Dance Academy 516 326-2377 in New Hyde Park, NY #mobadanceacademy #katwildish #katwildishballet #summerintensive #summer #ballet #balletintensive #pointe #instaballet #newhydepark #stretch (at MOBA Dance Academy)
See you in a month! So excited! #balletintensive June 25-30 @stepsonbroadway #register by June 1 www.sheerelite.com @danielcatanach @charmainehunter @gwins_ @gsalvatto @jeffrey.salce @kennethkw @magadomene @alexeriksonny (at Steps on Broadway)
