#axbox

awww anaimade trust me i feel the same way 😭

I finally, finally got a job (I haven't had one of those since before I started writing War of Hearts), and while it's not a job in any of the industries I've, you know, spent time and money studying in, it is at least some form of income. But it does take up quite a lot of time, so War of Hearts has fallen to the back burner.

I'm still working on chapter 11, and I'm even writing another Sylux fic that's hit 22k words (!), but the writing is going a bit slower. Chapter 11 is also shaping up to be one of the longer ones, there are a few more emotional hurdles for Lux to hit before the climax.

But I'm happy to give you a sneak peek! [Disclaimer that things are subject to adjustment as I edit, of course.]

Context: Lux sneaks into Terbisia and spies on some mageseekers going through her library.

Hmm trying to unpack all my thoughts on that one is a little complicated.

The one that comes first to mind is Katherine Pierce - she was pretty fascinating from the jump especially when she fully emerged in season 2. I feel like what happened to her character later (and TVD's trajectory in general) made me feel very depressed. Elena should be an option but I'm so frustrated by the narrative treatment and fandom bashing of Elena that I just feel fiery protectiveness mostly.

There are characters and ships I kind of wish I didn't love so much because the fandom is miserable and weird, but overall that's more frustration with the fandom or frustration with myself for not being better at carving out my own corner of happiness and compartmentalizing against the bullshit.

I feel like there are better answers that I'm blanking on, where I just latched onto a character and then was like 'dang this is. Oof wish I could let go.' I've definitely fallen in love with a character design and realized that they sucked lol.

well… the rough summary of why i hated avengers: infinity war goes a little bit like this (utilizing minimal spoilers): 

theycould’ve had thanos get the infinity stones for his magical glove off-screen and instead made a movie called avengers: the cosmic meet ‘n’ greet… and it would’ve had the same effect as this movie, because thanos andhis children were so obscenely powerful that they literally wiped thefloor with everyone pretty much whenever there was a fight, so the whole movie was just a bunch of mcu characters meeting each other before getting their asses kicked by thanos et al.

none of the hero characters’ actions really ended up making much of a difference. like… they imply there’s a greater plan behind what happened, but at this point that just feels like pay us some more to see how this story ends and how our heroes will end up winning anyway with minimal casualties! rather than an actual choice that makes sense in the story’s context.

the characterizations of 95% of the hero characters were basically caricature versions of them. it was especially bad with the guardians of the galaxy, who seem to have been frozen in time since we first met them in their first movie and haven’t had any character development since.

most of the “deaths” in the movie feel like a cheap cop-out… because most of the “deaths” happen right at the end, meaning that it’s not the end after all and they will come back eventually. so be sure to come back to the cinema next year and pay us some more money to see all your favourite characters come back to life!!!

they try to make thanos sympathetic. 

in my opinion, it doesn’t really work.

the whole movie feels like torture porn from the very first scene, unless it’s offering up some of marvel’s customary bland, horribly timed and one-note humour. then it’s just terrible horror-comedy that hides its vapidness under a thin layer of pretty visuals and flashy special effects.

so there.

in short: avengers: infinity war can suck my toe. thanks for coming to my TED talk.

boy, where do i start? i'm usually busy telling people the actual canon information about them that nobody knows because only like 20 people played The Mageseeker, lol.

(Examples: I am so very tired of people saying Sylas is twice Lux's age, he's twenty-seven and she's twenty. I'm also tired of people saying he groomed her when that was very much not grooming. We only see him do one actively manipulative thing to her (weaponize her guilt for being a Crownguard to pressure her into getting Durand's notes), and then he stole her magic. Yes it was a dick move that traumatized her. It was still not grooming. He also regrets hurting her, apologized for what he did, and has given her her space ever since.)

The following headcanons shift based on what AU they're in. I feel like a lot of these show up in my fic War of Hearts, because that's my vision of how things would happen in canon.

Lux confesses first. Because it's going to take a long, long time for her to warm up to him again, let alone trust him. In Mageseeker, Lux was in Sylas' thoughts often, and he was nigh-constantly thinking about how he missed her and wanted to apologize to her, but ultimately he decided that it was more important for him to give her space. (Sylas' deep respect for Lux is one of the big things that really got me shipping them, lol, and Lux's mutual respect for him is literally the rock-solid foundation for any good enemies to lovers tale.)

Lux fell first, Sylas fell harder.

I think it'd take a while for Lux to start using petnames, but would eventually settle into "honey" and "dear". Sylas uses pet names way more, lol. Obviously has "little light", but also likes "sweetheart". Maybe a "honey" and a "princess" in there occasionally. Like that one tumblr post that's like "princess (derogatory) to princess (pity) to princess (begrudging respect) to princess (affection)". In the Anima Squad AU I really like Lux as a battle dove like Seraphine, so Sylas uses "little dove" for her there.

Neither of them can cook much but Sylas is still a better cook lmfao. Lux lived in a household with professional cooks, and any cooking/baking she ever did was just for fun. She only ever worked off of recipes. Sylas didn't get a chance to learn cooking at all until he joined Leilani's rebels, and Leilani did teach him how to cook her soup. His education was more focused on the basics of making food taste good, so he's a lot more flexible than Lux is. ...He's also less picky.

Sylas struggles with emotional intimacy, but he still enjoys PDA without shame. Lux appreciates PDA because she avoided touching people for so long out of fear that they'd sense her magic, so once she has someone she feels safe with regarding her secret, she gets to indulge. (Not to mention that even if she did start losing control of her magic, Sylas could easily absorb it and not get hurt.) Lux can get embarrassed by excessive PDA but still enjoys it.

I don't often imagine my ships with kids (because kids shouldn't be a given in any relationship), but I think Lux would want kids. Not anytime soon, as long as Demacia needs her for other things, but maybe a few years down the road she starts really considering it. She reminds me of those girls I knew in high school who'd fantasize about their future kids and choose names for them, but she never dwelled on the fantasy for too terribly long because of the whole "keeping her magic a secret" thing making relationships difficult. Sylas is a lot more resistant to the idea of having kids at first. Yeah, he's got Rayn, but Rayn was already old enough to take care of herself, somewhat. Sylas doesn't like the idea of a child's entire life trajectory on his shoulders. His own parents kinda screwed him over for the sake of honor and duty, after all.

In Anima Squad, until Lux officially ends up in that universe, I imagine that she and Sylas have a solid friendship. Lux is constantly trying to get him to be less reckless in battle, but Sylas is too busy having competitions with Jinx and Vayne for who can kill more primordians.

Do you have any thoughts about what the song means to you in the context of the story?

first off, I'm so delighted you're enjoying the playlist👌 second, jeez, I'm worried this is gonna be rambly.

Obviously "hunter" is the song that also gave chapter 1 it's title, because I feel it really encapsulates Sylas and Lux's relationship at the end of Mageseeker and leading into Warriors.

Lux is aware that violence can be necessary during conflicts, and she has killed people when needed to. But she still never stops trying to find a different solution, and she allows people the opportunity for redemption. (Much like Morgana's version of justice, rather than Kayle's.)

In "hunter", the POV shows compassion for the beast -- that the predator is starving, lonely, and acting out of fear. She lets it go free, despite the possibility that the beast could still hurt her, because she relates to that struggle. ("If you were easy to kill, I would have done it already.") Lux first bonded with Sylas because they were in similar situations, both isolated from society for their magic. And she doesn't forget this just because he hurt her, even if she's still upset with him. In chapter 1 of WoH, she somewhat resents him for his betrayal, and seeing him in a more humane light is at odds with her trauma. ("With that dagger held unsheathed | I felt sick at my contempt. | For you were lonely | You were like me")

And, most notably, the beast doesn't hurt her. Sylas doesn't hate Lux, nor does he want her dead, and both he and Lux are aware that they may be forced to kill each other in the ongoing conflict...but he doesn't relish the idea. ("If I was easy to kill, you would have done it already.") Throughout Mageseeker he's haunted by his guilt for hurting her. He understands she may never forgive him. When Rayn uses an illusion of Lux to say she does forgive him, that is what causes him to see through the illusion, because he doesn't see himself worthy of forgiveness, either.

Sylas feels the exact same kind of care and compassion for Lux's situation. He wants to repair their relationship, but he isn't willing to cross her boundaries and make demands. At the end of Mageseeker he has a talk with Yops about this, where he's trying to convince himself that he's fine with it. ("We're allies now but won't be forever. And I'm...satisfied with that, I think." As if you wouldn't jump at the chance to be friends again, you sap. 🙄)

Ahem, I digress.

"hunter" is a song about both people (hurt, scared, defaulting to violence) choosing to put down their arms and (re)build a relationship, instead. (Let's not forget that Lux betrayed Sylas first by abandoning him to die, after all.) This is the struggle that lies at both the heart of Demacia's conflict with mages and Lux's conflict with Sylas. Resolving the Mage Rebellion is what I wanted to tackle with War of Hearts -- Sylas and Lux repairing their relationship is a parallel to Demacia and mages repairing their relationship.

A healthy society, just like a healthy relationship, requires humility and compromise. That's what "hunter" is about, and that's what War of Hearts is about.

So I've been reading your fanfic and honestly, the lore is actually very cool and I love how you use a second person pov for Lux, it made me engage more with the story and I love the relationship between Sylas and Ryan in it, and Lux and Galio.

Also what are your thoughts on Lux ships, I don't really know about Sylux and Ezlux it kinda depends on how they develop it I up coming shows (yes Demqcia, Noxus and Ionia are gonna get a show), to me I like Ezreal with Kai'sa, Ekko and Zert better, also I don't really like Lightcannon it's just not for me.

Also what are your thoughts on Arcane, who are your top three characters and your top 3 ships and why.

thank you so much for the ask! I'm delighted to have a chance to talk about this stuff lol.

Obviously, I find Lux and Sylas really compelling, but only after Mageseeker added more context to their relationship. Back when Sylas first released, I was very disillusioned with them. Like a lot of folks, I felt the narrative Riot kept pushing made Sylas an extremely shallow villain, and any care he actually showed towards people was circumstantial at best. I believed when Riot said he was a purely manipulative asshole. I loved Demacian Heart, but all of his other stories made it seem like that kid was effectively dead after all his trauma. Mageseeker added a lot more nuance to him, confirmed that he's capable of feeling guilt over his actions, and also showed that he deeply respects Lux's autonomy (even if he doesn't agree with her choices). And, after Mageseeker, I went back and reread his short stories and the Lux comic, and was like "damn, these traits were hinted at all along, but Riot really shot themselves in the foot for years." Basically yes Sylas can be manipulative, but that is not a central pillar of his entire character. A lot of League champs are way more manipulative than he ever was and aren't hated for it. Riot also made him out to be some kind of fuckboy, and he really isn't?? He flirted a total of ONCE in all his canon, with Thorva, and I don't even blame him. Hot barbarian women can get it. (/light-hearted)

Mageseeker also showed Lux in the process of healing from her trauma inflicted by Sylas. At the end of the Lux comic (and at the beginning of Mageseeker), she wanted nothing to do with him. But because he respected her decision to not join the rebellion she came to him for help protecting Terbisia, and her talk with Garen afterward about how Sylas isn't purely a bad person shows that while she can sympathize with Sylas, she can't condone his actions. I love that she sticks to her guns so strongly, and I love how wary she is of being hurt again. "I can fix him" romances where the female LI puts herself through hell in the hopes to change him are rarely, rarely compelling to me (because I have seen where that goes irl and it never works out the way you want it to), which is why I love that Lux never behaved like that. She has boundaries. Sylas tries to respect those boundaries as best he can. A+ solid foundation for a relationship.

I think there's a lot of potential there for both of them to grow and heal together. Even if it doesn't end in a romance, their friendship always had strong foundations (i.e. they're both fucking nerds (affectionate)). But of course, I've found their dynamic interesting enough that I ship them in every AU.

Ezlux took slightly longer to grow on me. It felt very compulsory on both sides and fairly shallow, at first, but then when I thought about it more I really got the appeal. Their personal struggles with the concept of family makes for some really interesting potential there. Ezreal is lost without his parents, and his uncle's presence wasn't enough to make up for it. Ezreal spends his time subconsciously searching for a family and searching for answers to why they abandoned him. Lux, however, is surrounded by family, but they don't really support her. They all prefer she hide an important part of who she is, a part of her she identifies with and has fought her whole life to see as beautiful.

Ezreal's magic is an effortless part of him, which I think would attract Lux. (It's also something about Sylas that attracts her too, lol.) Ezreal can also offer a whole new perspective on Lux's struggles with her family. Ezreal's not the wisest guy, but traveling across the world does give him a broader understanding of humanity. They could have some really fascinating conversations about stuff, imo, and find true companionship in each other. Except that I think it would take a significant change for Ezreal to decide to settle down, and I think that while Lux would enjoy traveling, her heart belongs in Demacia. That would introduce some fun conflict to their relationship.

(I do think Ezreal/Ekko might be my fave Ezreal ship, though. Kai'sa/Ezreal is also very good!)

As for Lightcannon....phew. That's complicated. If I had a nickel for every sapphic ship I liked whose fans ruined it entirely for me, I'd have three nickels. The ship is fine. It's even compelling in AUs like Star Guardians, where I primarily shipped them. But I'm tired of getting called homophobic because I multiship Lux and Jinx with guys. I'm tired of the biphobia and people calling Lux "comphet" in a society that shows no evidence of homophobia or even a history of homophobia. (Believe me, I have searched extensively.) I'm tired of the fans mischaracterizing and demonizing every other Lux and Jinx ship to uphold theirs as superior. So while I can occasionally enjoy Lightcannon, it leaves a rancid taste in my mouth, so now I tend to avoid it.

I really love Jinx/Seraphine. But I guess that's for another post.

I also like Lux/Sona, and Lux/Katarina can be great (if they reckon with the whole Garen part lol). I'm open to the potential of just about any ship. For example while writing this, Lux/Kai'sa popped into my head, and I think that would be awfully cute as well (though Kai'sa/Taliyah is my og, lol). I even like Lux/Jarvan IV, there's some really interesting potential there with their arranged marriage.

Now, onto Arcane. EKKO!!! EKKO IS MY GUY. He (and Orianna) are my mains in midlane, right now, maximum mastery on both of them. I love his story and his character so much. My other favorite characters are...hm. Well.

The writing of season two didn't do any of them any favors, honestly, and the fact that they ruined some of the things I liked about the OG champions was pretty upsetting. Jayce used to be one of my favorite characters, but they kind of shafted him in Arcane S2. I suppose I would say Mel is still excellent, a high favorite for me. And I guess my third fave would be...Jinx, maybe? I dunno, I liked her more in season 1. Perhaps I'd say Sevika is my third fave character.

I think the changes they made to Singed are for the better, though. Maybe he's one of my favorites simply because they didn't completely fuck him over. (My dear Orianna, I'm so sorry for what they did to you (taking every scrap of your autonomy away).) I typed up a season 2 rewrite once that fixed all my issues with Orianna/Viktor/Jayce and brought them more in line with the OG canon...

Sorry, I have very complicated feelings about Arcane and our new era of retcons.

For Arcane ships...Due to my dissatisfaction with season 2, I admit I've grown pretty distant from the Arcane ships overall. I adored vikjayce, but I'm more mellow about jayvik. Caitvi ended basically where the OG one was, so I still like that alright enough. I do love what they did with Timebomb, but I was disappointed that it came at the expense of Ekko's plot with the Firelights.

Outside of that, I suppose I'd say Vander/Silco is still one of my favorites. I love the tragedy of loving each other but having (seemingly) irreconcilable beliefs. (HM, wonder if that bears any similarity to Sylas/Lux, lmao.) It can be friends (to lovers) to enemies like in canon, or enemies back to lovers like in the S2E7 alternate world.

Wish I had a hot lady to ship Sevika with. Maybe I could drum up some Sevika/Renata Glasc, that might be really good.....Sevika has a general distaste for the inter-fighting between the chembarons, and now that she's on the Council I could see Renata trying to grasp for power through her. But Sevika wants peace and equality between Piltover and Zaun (and is willing to use violence to get there). Renata, however, just wants to destroy Piltover. There could be a really interesting relationship there where Sevika sees what Renata's trying to do and refuses to let her.

I'm curious how far you are in War of Hearts! My goal with that fic was to stay as close to canon as possible, but when I plotted WoH out last year, that was before Riot started retconning things about Demacia. I still plan on finishing WoH, but I guess time will tell if it remains canon compliant. Either way, I like MY version of how the Mage Rebellion shakes itself out, lol. I hope you will, too! Sylas and Rayn are extremely important to me, and Lux and Galio are one of my favorite unexplored friendships, so I loved the opportunity to lavish some attention on them.

Edit: As far as Lux ships go, she's a fairly flexible and empathetic character who can get along with just about anybody. She's a very book smart person and is eager to learn. But what really compels me in her ships is when her base assumptions about the way the world works are challenged in some way.

By this point, Nerisson, I don't think anyone could make me stop trying to talk about how good Sylux is. 😔 I have to make up for all the years I discarded the ship, I guess! This is my penance.

Yasuo/Ahri

Oh, so tasty. What can I say about them that hasn't already been said? They're popular for good reason, lol. Their interactions in 2XKO are delicious, their angst is scrumptious, their emotional constipation is delectable.

Jarvan/Shyvana

Full disclosure: I had to roll these two around in my head for a while before I could understand the angle and uncover the depth. But I actually had a pretty great discussion with someone yesterday on the way I interpret their relationship!

Shyvana knows who she is. She knows what she's about. She knows what she wants. She doesn't give a shit if humans dislike her, she's fine on her own. (Even if, deep down, she can't help but be lonely.) And then she meets Quinn and Jarvan, humans who...respect her skill? Admire her, even? They're good fighters. Dragons are usually solitary beasts, but Shyvana is starting to realize that being with other people, fighting alongside them, feels good. And this Jarvan is apparently someone of importance. Look at the way all of those people bow and sway to his beck and call, not even questioning his authority...that's hot. And the fact that he never expects Shyvana to do the same? The fact that he likes the way Shyvana doesn't idolize him or expect perfection from him? ...That's hot, too. She likes this small man. Jarvan has the soul of a noble beast yet a feral fighter, that's hot. She doesn't need Jarvan, of course. But he is hers. And she protects the things that are hers. I haven't gotten a chance to elaborate on Jarvan and Shyvana's relationship in War of Hearts, but essentially she agrees that Jarvan's made the right decision in giving mages equality, and that he is in general doing well at being king. She doesn't care the way Sylas does that "future generations of kings could be tyrants again", she only cares that the man she cares for right now is doing the right thing. And like when the dragons act up and try to destroy Demacia, Shyvana will stay by Jarvan's side and help protect Sylas from destroying Demacia too. If Jarvan wants to be king (and this is what he says he wants), then she is going to be damn sure her man gets whatever he wants. I kind of read their relationship similar to Xayah and Rakan, where she doesn't really get a jealous kind of possessive over Jarvan, just kind of a: "I have claimed this human. You are welcome to have him as well, but never forget my involvement." And then smiles showing all of her teeth.

Shyvana is one of those characters tragically lacking in content, so my interpretation of her character is extrapolated from every crumb I've gathered. I like how she's still somewhat beastial, and her half-human side didn't completely tame her dragon side.

And for Jarvan, holy shit does he love being crushed by a giant muscular woman.

Rakan/Xayah