#audypoems

Blue in the face until there is nothing left

Of me

I only really feel at home

When I can Rome around

To new scenery

Speak the language of love

Dance where the wind blows my hair and the sand warms my feet

Open a book and

Just leave

They say

Unlikeable ..Emotional

I got it.

Mama told me every day since 13

Or maybe when he left us for the sun

When I was 10

She didn’t like me then either

Alone I’m better at

I guess

Each step I take another breath is lost

Another body tossed away from the energy

That’s in desperate need to die

Of course.

More than the the delicacy of our smooth peanut butter chocolate skins.

Its like we can never win with these winds moving against us that tense us then throw us away.

Give me some ruby red slippers I just want to be home,

his body like stone. He is where I want to stay.

These stresses are captivating, manipulating

Our thoughts and feelings all over the place.

His words don’t match the loving fire in his eyes

his body relaxes when his fingers tips touch mine

She says Milk and Honey do you love me?

Of course.

“Girls” and “boys” play relationships like sports.

Alone i’d be better to maneuver this stormy weather

I won’t have anything to loose or anyone to prove for

All these goals, and dropping through holes

She’s out of my league

My doubt from past ones

Tend to harass

Her arms wrap around me, kisses like honey

Willing to restore everything others took from me

She’s a “Prude” ...”Tease”

You’re evil

How dare you attract a man and not put out for his plan

She didn’t ask for your demanding hands

Creeping up her skin

You’re ruthless she just wanted love

She put her heart into each person encountered until it destroyed her

“Slut..”

——————————————————

Gagging for air

She swears she doesn’t want to be there

Flirtatious acts just to go back

Home to her reality and cry and mourn

The death of what was once hers

Now a vessel looking for anything that gives her feeling and hope...

Terrified to let someone touch her there

Maybe after marriage

“I can tell you weren’t ready”

So why did you do it

———————————————

Aimlessly laying

Maybe this is the key to love

Just maybe

Give them the advantage

When all it feels is forced

Crying tears to sleep

This isn’t all that she’s worth

——————————————

Those walls were never safe

Pushed against the wall

He forced down her zipper

Who could she call for

His breath in her ear

In a haunting tone

He grabbed her worth and shredded it

Toyed with her like she was some doll

Her small strength and an uninvited visitor Scared him away

I gotta get away.

I can’t stay

I’m using my time to try and unite sparks

To mend my heart and it’s not working

I’m open but broken

All I want to do is break down these walls and watch them fall like my tears every night in bed,

I’m tired of building up hopes and becoming so vulnerable just to be left on read, instead .

Delivered is worse all this love to give but it’s never enough

They tell you girl you’ll be fine your so strong and tough

But I’m tired of never being enough

I just want to feel again

Im numb and I’m tired of being reeled in

My intentions are pure

I just want to give someone my world

But there’s always another girl ..

Another thought , another plan

When will this pattern end

When will these things become hand and hand

They’re never mutual

Just option..

After option

I try to walk with caution but I can’t

You ever just feel...

I don’t know

I’ll try to explain as best as I can

It’s like.. a fog

So thick

But a Smokey fog

Feels like your stomach is going to rupture

Your hearts going to fall out of your chest

Right at your feet

Can you picture that?

It feels like your body is tingling with numbness

And your heads heavy

You’ve lost it

Take a second ...breathe

You ever jump up in the middle of the night and can’t breathe?

Hating yourself

Sitting in silence and you feel like you’re drowning

Can’t come up from air

Fear consumes you

It feels like you’re dying but still alive

Crying but they don’t think the truth survived

Through your tears

Dizzy

You think you’re going to fall out...

You call out and talk it out

You cried wolf now who will believe it

You try to close your eyes and listen to the world around you

But it’s not working

Take a look

Read

Her eyes twinkle with hope

More like glisten or are those tears

Frustrations

Why can’t she get it

Fears

End with a broken heart, shattered

Lost in translation

Trying this mindfulness to start embracing

Gut feeling whispers “you’re here”

Intuitions not saying to run

The mind

But why would you do this

Heart, longing for things to finally work

The hands

Create electric currents when they’re near you

Eyes

Hoping they never lose sight of their muse

Ears