#audio transcript

All I know is fanart of OCs

Tinker belongs to @lokisis

Audio transcript under the cut:

Big thanks to @misa-bun for keeping me sane and helping me go over the garbled audio towards the end.

EASTERMAN: You’ve been expressing anger in the therapy.

GOOSEBERRY: Everything Mother does is love! If I have to show a little… discipline, that’s just a firmer kind of love.

-

EASTERMAN: You’ve shown real enthusiasm. We’ve decided to give you a longer leash.

COYLE: You think you’ve got a leash on me? Might be you who built this little juzgado, but I’m the one who made it a home. Why you ain’t nothin’ but the towel boy in my whorehouse.

-

FUTTERMAN: The fuck d’you think I am? Some kinda puppet? You pull my string? Heh!?

EASTERMAN: You are literally a puppet.

GOOSEBERRY: Don’t! Don’t you upset Daddy.

-

EASTERMAN: This is science. If we happen-

COYLE: I’m fuckin’ talkin’ here! This ain’t a charity, this is business! Business don't mean shit without the law.

-

GOOSEBERRY: Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children.

COYLE: Property don’t mean shit without a threat of violence.

GOOSEBERRY: Who would die for the children!?

COYLE: The threat of my boot on your neck is what butters the bread ‘round here and everywhere else!

GOOSEBERRY: Who would kill for the children!? 

COYLE: In the civilized world!

GOOSEBERRY: What would… you do… to protect the children!?

-

AVELLANOS: Cut them. Well? Whaddya think?

WERNICKE: Experience has taught me one truth about the human limits of terror and pain.

AVELLANOS: Which is?

WERNICKE: There are none.

________________________________

Just a few things worth noting:

"Juzgado" (pronounced hoos-gah-doh) is Spanish for courthouse or tribunal. The word "hoosegow" is a slang term meaning prison, derived from a mispronunciation of juzgado. It's interesting to me that he uses the proper Spanish given his well-known bigotry.

"Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children" is a direct quote from the novel Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray.

"Butters the bread" means how he makes his living, the job he gets paid for essentially. Police work is his bread and butter. 🤷

audio transcript:

hi there, non emergency line, how can I help you? power outage? have you gone outside to see if the entire block is out? okay well then go outside - it's just you? I have to ask, did you pay your power bill this month? you didn't— oh you're a sovereign citizen? well see therein lies the rub— hey chill out, I- I don't like paying my bills either! and I just need to say, I'm a government employee and you called me so the irony is not lost—

non emergency line how can I help you? there's birds blocking the exit to your apartment? have they attacked you? no? okay good. can you count how many birds there are? yes it actually does matter. if it's eight or less we can send out keith, if it's nine or above we're gonna have to contact animal control. oh it's not arbitrary, it's aviary— I'm kidding, I'm kidding, no! no yeah we'll send out keith — KEITH GET THE NET!

non emergency line how can I help you? got a noise complaint? well it is.......3pm. we can't do anything until 10. okay i guess uh, yeah I guess children's laughter can be grating but—

non emergency line how can I help you? okay I'm going to have to transfer you to poison control for that— no it's a very common issue we have here so don't even worry—

non emergency line how can I help you? okay so yeah you will want poison control for that—

eehhh poison control– poison control– poison contr– buddy I love the way that gasoline smells too but unfortunately we're gonna have to loop in poison control—

Sadly, this is now complete and I’m sad. Can taz stop turning goofs into heartbreaking scenes, please?

[Audio Description: A collection of Ned’s Middle names being said in The Adventure Zone.

“Mama: So what brings you out into the WOODS in the middle of the night with Ned Fuckin Chicane?

Clint: How did you know my middle name?

Clint: Well Danger is my middle name.

Clint: Ned Fuckin Discretion Chicane

Clint: Ned Aloysius (pronounced Aluwishus) Chicane

Clint: Ned Superstar Chicane!

Clint: Ned Butterfly Chicane…

Clint: Ned Nimbly Chicane

Clint: Ned Ninja Chicane

Clint: My middle name is pacifist…

Clint: Ned Black Diamond Chicane

Clint and Griffin together: Ned Friendly Chicane

Clint: Ned Trustworthy Chicane

Clint: Ned Pissed-Off Chicane!

Clint: Ned Vamoose Chicane

Clint: With love, Edmund Kelly Chicane”

Audio transcript:

I say, ‘’Continuing my fucking, music career’’ ( coughs)

Then I sing a cover of Ruth B’s ‘Dandelions’. Lyrics:

Maybe it's the way you say my name Maybe it's the way you play your game But it's so good, I've never known anybody like you But it's so good, I've never dreamed of nobody like you

And I've heard of a love that comes once in a lifetime And I'm pretty sure that you are that love of mine

'Cause I'm in a field of dandelions Wishing on every one that you'll be mine, mine And I see forever in your eyes I feel okay when I see you smile, smile Wishing on dandelions all of the time Praying to God that one day you'll be mine Wishing on dandelions all of the time, all of the time

I think that you are the one for me 'Cause it gets so hard to breathe When you're looking at me I've never felt so alive and free When you're looking at me I've never felt so happy

And I've heard of a love that comes once in a lifetime And I'm pretty sure that you are that love of mine

'Cause I'm in a field of dandelions Wishing on every one that you'll be mine, mine And I see forever in your eyes I feel okay when I see you smile, smile Wishing on dandelions all of the time Praying to God that one day you'll be mine Wishing on dandelions all of the time, all of the time

Dandelion, into the wind you go Won't you let my darling know? Dandelion, into the wind you go Won't you let my darling know that?

I'm in a field of dandelions Wishing on every one that you'll be mine, mine And I see forever in your eyes I feel okay when I see you smile, smile Wishing on dandelions all of the time Praying to God that one day you'll be mine Wishing on dandelions all of the time, all of the time

I'm in a field of dandelions Wishing on every one that you'll be mine, mine

To end it I gasp and say ‘’OH MY GOD, this song is so good!’’

end transcript.

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Tag urself im ‘’ ᵗʰᵃᵗ (whining)YOUuuuDDD be miiIII ₙₑₑₑₑₑ ‘’ 

[Audio description: Alex and Lydia finish a conversation about an “underwater volcano base” as the others rhythmically chant “tension, tension, tension.” Overlaid on top of that beat, Alex comes in singing, “everything’s fine, this is the everything’s fine song, this is how the everything’s fine song goes.” The song devolves as people start laughing.]

Hey, volunteers! Here’s the transcript document for the latest episode of MBMaM, Ep 417: DVDs For The People. Sorry it’s late this week! Everything should be back on track now. Feel free to jump in and start transcribing this one, folks!

If you’d like to help us transcribe every episode of MBMBaM, check out the Master Tracking document for episodes that still need work. Also please reference the Formatting Guide for transcription resources and helpful tips.

INT. Video: Fail

INT. Audio: 2242009-1012

Male, later identified as Officer June: Copy that. En route.

[Driving sounds]

Male, later identified as Deputy O’Hara: Another crash?

June: Yep.

O’Hara: [Chewing sounds] How... bad?

June: Passenger is dead. Driver called in.

O’Hara: [Rustling sounds, traced to disturbed fast food bag] Was he good?

June: You’re asking if he was on drugs, aren’t you?

O’Hara: [Laughs] You got me.

June: The answer’s... maybe.

O’Hara: Well, at least there’s a witness.

[4 minutes of silence. Driving sounds. Raining sounds.]

O’Hara: So, we’re going to the scene?

June: Nope. Hospital.

O’Hara: Why?

June: They’ve already delivered the driver there. We’re just going as backup.

O’Hara: The guy must be pretty violent.

June: He isn’t. Dispatch said that they just need someone to-

[Faint crackling, intermediate bursts of static.]

June: Did you hear that?

O’Hara: Nope.

June: I swear, I heard humming.

O’Hara: Right...

June: I’m not joking. I really heard it. From outside.

O’Hara: Probably just the rain.

June: It was right in my ear.

[Raining sounds. Driving sounds.]

[Faint crackling, another burst of static.]

June: Christ!

O’Hara: What? What’s wrong?

June: There it is, again! The humming!

O’Hara: Seriously, Jeff?

June: Where is it coming from?!

O’Hara: I don’t know. I don’t hear anything. Aside from your paranoid ass freaking out on-

[Faint crackling increases in volume, multiple intermediate bursts of static.]

June: [Unintelligible] my ears!

O’Hara: Just [Unintelligible] down man. You’re driving, remember?

June: Can’t hear-

[12 seconds of heavy static distortion]

O’Hara: [Unintelligible]

June: [Unintelligible] -ucking music— [Unintelligible] she’s singing [Unintelligible] loud!

O’Hara: Just give me the wheel!

[Screeching sounds, consistent with forensic evidence: Skid marks]

O’Hara: Oh s-

[Popping sounds, consistent with forensic evidence: Blown tires]

[Squealing sounds, consistent with forensic evidence: Ten feet long stretch of skid marks.]

[Shattering sounds, consistent with forensic evidence: Shards of glass removed from male eye sockets. Crumpling sounds, consistent with forensic evidence: Damage to cabin of police cruiser. Crunching sounds, consistent with forensic evidence: High impact damage to male spine.]