#attonement

I just saw for the umpteenth time the delicious Attonement.

Now starring:

Aziraphale as Cecilia

Crowley as Robbie

Yooo🤝🏻🤝🏻🔥🔥

If were talking as in a fic AU, then I can most deffinetly say uni/college student AU. It just hits the spot, yk?

But if we're talking as in another fassavoy character duo, then I've found myself re-reading a singular Robbie Turner & Archie Hiccox fic Love durning wartime a couple of times.

Nameless quietly alone in a meadow beside the creek. Tired and lonely feeling like hope was beginning to wain.. He rubbed his finger where he wears his Unda ring and remembered that Eru would visit him soon in his mind perhaps tonight or maybe in the morrow.. but soon. 

His focus returned to his task, his quest... how many times he called out to Zet”talen for guidance with no reply... perhaps this is just what it takes to break the pride of a Sidhe,...  it took over a month to realize that he was consumed by the greed for knowledge... perhapse Zet”talen needs time to change the mind of one so strong... oh perhapse I am failing and I am doomed to disappoint The great Zet”tallen.

Suddenly a he hears a voice of a man standing before him.

... "Baron...."    "I am a Devoted of Zett'tallan.....I mean you no harm...."

Rolynd jumped up and falls backwards cowering away hiding his face.

"For the Gods sake...." Said the Man,  He shook his head and walked over slowly, grabbing Rolynds arm.  "I have come to help you.  To help you see...." He said putting a hand on Rolynd's face, grabbing it rather forcefully before pulling his hand away.  Rolynd....he could see!  He could SEE! "This is temporary.....unless you have truly learned to see with your heart....and not these fleshy orbs in your skull...."  He said, Rolynd now seeing it was a Sidhe, with light green gems on his face dressed in green and browns.

Rolynd looked at the man and wept making grateful thanking motions with his hands, scard and bloody from bees and thorns.

"What are you DOING out here??"  He says, shaking his shoulders slightly.  "You risk your life being out here in the wilderness you know that right?  How could you be so stupid?" He sighed and let him go, sitting across from him. "I don't care if Zet'tallan has taken your name, I know you as Baron Rolynd Finien.......and you are fucking better than this....."  He shook his head looking at him.  "I don't mean to be cruel....but I think we both know that....its within our nature....to be better.  To see you reduce yourself to....this....is heartbreaking!"

Very clumsily Rolynd signs writing motions on his hand with his finger, then points to his mouth indicating he is unable to speak...

The man speaks in an irritated tone "I know perfectly well you can't speak.  I am not hear to listen to you.  I am here so that you will listen to me.....to the world!  ....But hiding out here....where no one can find you.  You are running away.  You know how long it took me to find you?  Even with Zet'tallan's help?  Too long..."  He sighed and took a deep breath, obviously trying to bite something back.  Something that Rolynd knew all to well in his Sidhe brethren. ".....You're killing yourself.....mentally for sure, and almost physically.  Its like you beg for death.  You willingly dirty yourself instead of holding your head up high and accepting this atonement with some measure of dignity.  You know you are not the only Sidhe who has had to seek atonement with Zett'tallan”

Rolynd scratches in the dirt,,, (but my pride.. must loose pride for better 4 zet”tal...” 

"There is a difference......"  He sighs, sitting there cross legged, clicking his tongue against his teeth. "When a cat loses a leg.....what does it do?"

Rolynd signs walking motion with three fingers on his palm...  

"Yeah.  It walks.  Does it mourn the loss of its leg?  Does it feel embarrassed?  No.  It may hide....for a little while, because maybe something horrible happened to it.  Maybe someone cut off its leg and now its afraid of people.  Maybe it got ran over by a wagon and now avoids wagons at all costs.  But....it keeps.....walking.  Cause to sit, wallow, and do nothing, means it dies." He points at Rolynd. "You are at risk of dying, not only physically.....but mentally as well.  That is why Zet'tallan has sent me."   He suddenly stood up and took up his staff. "You are a warrior aren't you?  So defend yourself!"

Rolynd rises to his feet slowly as his body is week from prolonged survival on little but berries and honey.

He swipes the staff at the back of Rolynd's knees and trips him, making him fall back onto the ground. "Don't get discouraged!  Get up....continue fighting.  When you were knocked own in the war thirty years ago did you weep like a babe?"  He taunted him slightly but took a couple of steps back, throwing a second staff to him.  "Where is Rolynd Finien?  Hmm?"

Rolynd uses the staff to pry himself from the ground. he points the tip towards his opponent and signs with his other hand  " me... not... break... you"

"Refusing to fight?  Or afraid you can't?"  He said, coming at him with a few swings, their staffs colliding and clinking with the sound of wood on wood before the man spun to the side and tripped him again. "I didn't say break me....I said defend yourself.  And you're doing a piss poor job.  You expect everyone to come to you pick you back up?....."  He looked at him, obviously biting back something but couldn't....as it slipped out, but maybe for the better.  Anything to spur some strong emotion from Rolynd. ".....or are you always going to lean back on people like Daddy to get your back?  Only reason you got General right?  Cause Daddy felt sorry for you?"

Rolynd closed his eyes for a moment... then without warning swung his leg at his opponents feet as he spun his body upright and swiftly delivered a blow at the mans face.  then mouthed the words.. "not my father, father no help.... I general" 

  The man went to one knee and held his face where a bruise was quickly forming, a small smirk appearing on his face before he winced from the soreness. "That's better...."  He stood up and twirled his staff in his hands, and advanced again, keeping up the banter. "There is a difference, between Pride, and Dignity.  Pride is a sense of pleasure you feel when from your own achievements.  Dignity is a state of being worthy of HONOR and RESPECT!"  He grunted and  moved the staff out of the way, and punched Rolynd across the face, cracking his knuckles afterwards. "Sidhe Pride...is by far the strongest of all the races.  Cause we were born that way.....we didn't even have a choice."  He takes a couple of steps back to let him gain his composure.  "But its not....bad....unless you let it get the better of us.  Your pride got SO BAD that you couldn't even bare another to see you in this sorry shape.  Because in your mind....you had lost everything.  Instead of walking.....you hid.  You torture yourself...."

Rolynd motions and mimes, " I ... Walk,,,," and points in a big circle..   " I walk.. I cry out... beg for ..." he taps his temple and mouths wisdom...  then points to the sky as he mouths zet"talen... As his oponents eyes rise to see where Rolynd is pointing he quickly closes the gap with a Jstep and twists his staff between the mans feet landing him on his back. then steps away to a safe distance

The Devoted did a kick up back to his feet and dashed at Rolynd, their staffs clinking loudly as they fought, and then locked up. "Trust me!  As a Devoted, sometimes the answers don't just COME to you.  Sometimes you have to find the answers for yourself."  He spun around him, but Rolynd kept up this time and then continued fighting, dodging and parrying each other's blows as they got into a rhythm. "I can show you.  Even at your lowest, you can still maintain your dignity.  No eyes, no tongue....a mild set back."  He leapt back after Rolynd took a very wide swing, and he quickly showed off by spinning the staff around his body and advancing again. "Zet'tallan took your eyes, so that you would see with your heart!"  He locked their staffs together again, pushing against him as their strengths tried to over power the other.  "I will take you to a village, where you will know true kindness, NOT pity." "Zet'tallan wanted you with no tongue, so you would listen!"  He managed to clock Rolynd on the back of the head.  "Cause lets face it, what Sidhe doesn't love the sound of their own voice.  Also our Would you Kindly's is kind of cheating...."  He smirked playfully.

Rolynd staggers with the blow while rubbing his head, then turns...  he signs with passion "you... think... I.... no... take ,,,, zet”talens... words... in... my... heart?   you think I not  listen to zettalen?" Rolynds shoulders drop with sadness,  " you .. not ... know ... me..."

"....you're right....I don't know you, not personally, only by reputation."  He sighed, swinging the staff around behind his back, standing there, looking at the man. "But what you misunderstand....is that he wanted you to meet other people.  Feel them, be with them, hear THEM.  To cast aside your pride and to listen to others.  Hear children playing in the streets....to listen to a woman crying after her husband has beaten her.  To drink with your fellow man in the bar and listen to their tales.  You are so caught up in your own world and with the few people you keep close, that you have ignored everyone else around you."  

He sighed and walked forward, but seemed to still be at the ready, outstretching a hand and placing it on his shoulder. "You have been up in your tower for a long time little Prince.  Because your father put you there.  Because your birthright put you there.  Yes, your destiny is to rule over the Fairfolk, to guide them if you prefer.  But tell me.....do you feel like you have any of your subjects respect?  Like actual....loyalty....and respect?"  

He raised an eyebrow, looking at Rolynd's facial expression. "....maybe a couple....and maybe that's enough.  But the fact is you are out here....because you hurt people.  You let your megalomania to get in the way.  And TRUST ME.....you are not the only one to have done so.  The point of this....is to realize that you made a mistake.  Even beings of perfection and blessed by the stars can make mistakes and YES....it HURTS ME.....to say that.  But its true....."

Rolynd lowers his staff and posture... "What... what can I do... I hurt people yes... I hold mistake... but what now... how do i ?" there is a long pause as he searches for the way to communicate his thoughts... "How do I... Fix... Wraiths? monsters... hurt people? I will not have house... no (he makes archery motion while mouthing Eru)... he makes a crown sign arround his head and mouths brea... Kill me for loosing her Children to death door""I have nothing now... I have nothing when i return... just my heart, mind and sword." 

"And that is ENOUGH!"  He said, smiling as he took Rolynd's shoulders and shook them slightly.  "Don't you see?  That's all you need to start a journey. You got mugged....BIG time.  You got struck down, big time.  But you have the opportunity to start again.  This time...on your terms."  He let him go and put his hands on his hips. "That's why he took your name....so you can be who you want to be.  Do you really want to be the blind begger who hides his face from the world?  Or a Sidhe, a person of the people?  You made a mistake....time to get up on that horse....and try again.  The horse may continue to buck you off, but you gotta keep trying..." He came to Rolynd's side and put an arm over his shoulders. ".....sometimes....it is possible to commit no errors....and still lose.  BUT...that is not weakness.  That's just life...."  He smiled, patting Rolynd's shoulder.

Rolynd shrugs him off his shoulder.. and signs.. " I fight with my soldiers not behind.... I give work and.... honor to others... try to protect weak... listen to words of little somnia and gemna  as same... I don't understand how I not..... Sidhe of people"

The man responds compassionately "I meant now.  Don't think about before.  Think about the now.  When you look behind you see your footprints, and those marks you have made upon the land and the people do not go away.  You can learn from the past and the paths you have walked, but you need to focus on the now.  Now.....what do you want to be.....right now?"

Rolynd waves his hands about in frustration "yes,,.. but Zet"talen speaks me to change not do same..... I be .... (He reaches down and pulls up some sprigs of grass and singles out a fresh shute) I be new... better than old... but I only know old,,, dont know new me, new sidhe" He lowers his head "I am poured out on ground and empty."

The man takes him by the shoulder once again "I meant now.  Don't think about before.  Think about the now.  When you look behind you see your footprints, and those marks you have made upon the land and the people do not go away.  You can learn from the past and the paths you have walked, but you need to focus on the now.  Now.....what do you want to be.....right now?"

"yes,,.. but Zet"talen speaks me to change not do same..... i be .... (he reaches down and pulls up some sprigs of grass and singles out a fresh shoot) I grow new... better than old... but i know old,,, dont know new me, new sidhe""I am poured out on ground and empty."

"Only because you chose to be that way Rolynd...."  He sighed, feeling like they were moving backwards now.  "You gotta keep moving forward.  You're thinking about this all too hard...." He sighed and kicked at the ground a moment. "And I can only help so much....only what you let me.  But you must also know how to help yourself.  Now think.  How can you come back from this a better person?"

Rolynd stares at the man blankly....  " my heart wants to win.. and be new. to save the people, love the people... my mind...  I not know how"  he points in a large circle again... "where? how?  you point... I go"