And super annoyed at Monica Beltran. Amelia dealt with Derek always doubting her. And i know Monica thinks she's being uber supportive, but all I see is another person who thinks they know who and what Amelia is and can do; overriding Amelia's confidence and what she knows about herself and who she is. I wish these writers would stop with it
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Hey guys, I know I'm not an active poster much anymore, but I've got some family who've found themselves in a rough patch. I've given what I'm able to, but if anyone is able to give anything, it means more than you know. Any little bit goes a long way. Thank you
(I feel like this should go without saying, but please do not repost any pics from this link.)
a/n: HELLO!!! i haven’t wrote in so long so i’m sorry if this is awful and seems rushed :( this is a HEADCANON fic for next episode!! enjoy x
for eli<3
A mess. What happened has created a mess; understandably so; but it didn’t have to be. At least in her mind, her own opinion, it didn’t have to be. It was already a mess, a complicated and very opinionated mess to begin with. A situation that most had their own opinions about, one that he also had an opinion about. A constant circle, always back to square one. That’s what their relationship always was. Always one step forward and two steps back.
In the beginning, all he was, was sex. Alternative pain relief, no strings attached because her life was “already full of complications.” He was a rebound, honestly so. He wasn’t supposed to be anything more; just somebody to help her feel alive again. She had a history of jumping into stuff too quickly and it was the one flaw of hers she desperately wished she could change. That’s when she decided a slow route with him, proper datings, dates sitting across a dinner table to get to know each other, to really get to know him; square one. Then the accidental pregnancy, but him unsure of wanting to stay if he was not the father. One step forward, two steps back. Square one.
There they were again. Him leaving, deciding he couldn’t be with her without the marriage. Her unconditional love and affection for him was there, she adored him and she fell in love with him. But it wasn’t enough. He needed the label, he needed the realness and he wanted the big family in the big house, the idea of a perfect family. While his idea of his happy life was finally playing out, her sister in between life and death. She couldn’t recognize herself. She felt like she was always trying to catch her breath, like she was drowning or like a constant weight was pushing down on her chest and it was so heavy it was felt in her lungs. Pushing down so hard that it was hard to breathe, like her lungs were being filled up with water.
Her sobriety was shaky, self confidence was at it’s lowest all while her addiction was crawling back in. She was hanging on by a thread and he was falling in love with life; happy, grateful. He knew, they had a deal and it wasn’t followed through and all the pressure on his want for marriage was more weight being added to the brick that already sat on her chest.
So he left and it ached. Back to square one. But, a part of her always found peace with it, or at least she thought she could by at least knowing that he can find somebody to wants the same things he does, and they can both be truly happy and that’s what her plan was, as well.
To be happy.
So when she kissed Kai Bartley, it’s because she craved it. Wanted to feel the butterflies in her stomach like she was a little kid on the playground, like a young girl with a crush. The way her cheeks felt hot and the way knees felt weak, what the giddy feeling was like.
A connection. Amelia had a connection with them that made her feel calm, at ease, the weight on her chest felt lighter and it was easier to breathe.
“Did you just guide mediate me?” Their eyes were scanning her face, a look in their eyes that Amelia almost missed.
“Did it work?” Her eyes were trailing down to their lips then back up to their eyes.
“It didn’t not work.” Kai took a step forward, their eyes peering down at her, towering over her and their eyes matched hers; full of anticipation.
It only took a few seconds before Kai’s hand was reaching forward to brush the hair out of Amelia’s face, gently tucking it behind her ear.
She didn’t plan on kissing them, although she craved it, it wasn’t what she planned to happen. But then she felt Kai’s soft hands delicately stroking her earlobe before the palm of their hand gripped around her neck, their thumb running along her jawline.
Her eyes fluttered shut, a feeling of warmth ran through her body and her breath hitched in her throat. Kai’s thumb stopped at her chin, tugging Amelia’s face to face theirs and they were both leaning into each other.
It felt like her knees were going to give out, and her entire body melted into the kiss. Her hand immediately snaking around to grab onto the back of Kai’s head, fingers weaving in and out of their sandy blonde hair. Amelia’s other hand flew to Kai’s waist, a gentle tug on their hips to try and get them closer; to feel their entire body pressed against hers.
Their lips were as soft as she imagined; maybe even softer. It’s what they both wanted, what they both craved. The tension and anticipation building up from the moment they met and if they weren’t standing outside the hospital Amelia probably would have backed them right up against the wall, and she so badly wanted to unbutton their shirt.
The kiss lasted longer than she expected, but not long enough; not as long as she wanted it to. She wanted more and the way her palms were sweaty and her hands were trembling, she needed more. She could hear her own heartbeat in her ears.
Her eyes opened and only for a moment, her gaze wandered off to see Atticus Lincoln peering over their shoulder. For a second, her smile faded.
She could see the hurt in his eyes, she could see it take over all of his features that detailed his face. It was the same disappointed and crushed look he gave her back on the beach, the same look that made Amelia want to jump into his arms and say she’s sorry, say she loves him.
But Kai’s eyes were searching hers and Link was storming off before she even had a chance to process it all.
“Speechless?” Kai asked, a smirk pulling at the corners of their mouth.
“I—,” She paused, her bottom lip being chewed on by her teeth. “Uh.”
“I’ll see you around, Shepherd.” And then they were turning away on the ball of their feet, only glancing back for a second over their shoulder.
—
“I’m a good guy,” To her right was Link, his eyes blazing in anger. “And this— I don’t deserve this.”
It was the two of them, standing in front of the O.R board. Her hand let go of the white board eraser that she just previously used and she was turning to look at him, her eyebrows pushed together.
“You told me you loved me, Amelia.” He was stepping closer now, a finger being raised to point at her. There was anger in his eyes, his tone was harsh and his eyebrows furrowed. “And you left Scout with me to fly to Minnesota every week to meet someone else?”
“Link,” she started, a growl leaving her throat.
“Did you mean it when you said you loved me?” He interrupted, taking one step closer to her. “How long has this been going on?” She could see the hurt in his eyes and his voice was filled with distaste, a tone in his voice that he’s never spoken to her in.
She opened her mouth to speak but he beat her to it again, shaking his head and letting out a groan. “Is this why our relationship fell apart?”
“Are you trying to imply that you meant nothing to me?” She snapped. People roaming the halls were diverting their attention to the two of them, nurses were distracted from their work to watch the argument unfold.
“You leave Scout to-“
She stepped closer, their faces only a foot apart from each other and you could see the anger in her eyes. “If you’re trying to say that I don’t care about our son then I suggest you think very carefully before you speak.”
“Amelia-“ He tried.
“No, Link.” She growled. “You left me.”
From the corner of her eye was Kai. Amelia wasn’t sure how long they had been standing there but there was two styrofoam coffee cups in their hand and they stopped in their tracks to watch the two of them get in each other’s faces. Kai found it hard to believe that there was ever any affection.
“But I stayed,” his tone sounded desperate now, almost like a beg— like a please, oh my god, understand what I’m saying beg, like he was so exhausted and has given up on her answer always being: no, she won’t marry him. And before she could even explain her side, before she could even want to; he’d storm off, disappear and stay at his best friends place. There was never room for conversation, it was just silence. Some parts seemed too familiar. “When things got hard with your sobriety, I stayed.”
“And yet, you still got down on one knee.” The utter shame she felt, maybe he didn’t mean that or maybe he didn’t mean it in the way she thought, she wasn’t sure if her thinking was even clear enough. Some part her felt like crawling away, hiding— the way she felt was numb. Her heart was caught in her throat and all she could do was stare at him. Her eyes were sad though; hurt.
He knew how hard she was holding on, he knew she was holding on by a thread and yet, knowing she didn’t want marriage, he proposes. And somehow it all seems like her fault.
“Amelia,”
“Coffee?” Kai spoke, stepping next to Amelia and handing her a coffee. Amelia felt their hand slip behind her and gently caress the middle of her back.
But Link and Amelia were staring at each other, both of their eyes searching each other’s for some type of answer. She wasn’t sure what she was looking for but it felt like her chest was heavy again, like the weights were starting to push her under water.
Her chest felt tight and her blue eyes were swimming in a puddle of tears.
Stepping forward, Kai reached their hand out for Link to shake. “Kai Bartley.” When Link ignored them, his eyes not even glancing over, they stepped back. “Well, you’ve got some good qualities but insecurity is your worst one.”
That drew both of their attention away from one another to look over at Kai, and if Amelia wasn’t so angry and hurt she’d laugh.
“You know what,” Link said, shaking his head. “Forget it.”
And before she could answer, he was already walking away from her forcefully pushing a door open so fast that it slammed against the wall.
“Is that him?” Kai asked, turning on their heel to look down at Amelia.
But Amelia’s mind was going a million miles a minute, and all she could hear was static, it also felt like her blood was boiling. Her eyes never glanced up, instead she was focused on her breathing rather than everyone that was staring at her.
She forgot what it was like to feel this much shame or this exposed. She was doing well with her sobriety, she worked really hard at it and she was good. The pandemic was rough for her and life was crazy, crazier than she ever expected it to get and she was exhausted.
Everything was starting to get better, she was doing okay again and now everyone in the halls knew how hard she had struggled previously. She didn’t hide her addiction from people, but it also wasn’t hallway conversation and it definitely wasn’t a story everyone had to know about her.
A story she didn’t even want Kai to know, at least not yet.
“I’m sorry,” Amelia started and without even looking at them, she turned away and stormed off.
—
She tried to keep herself distracted because if not, she’d think too much; worry too much but even while keeping herself busy, the interaction still played out in her head. Like a broken record.
When things got hard with your sobriety, I stayed.
He said it like marriage was now an obligation. Like she was obligated to marry him because he stayed when life got difficult, when she was struggling. It was like he expected it, like she was wrong for not wanting the same dream as him.
She loved him. She loved him so much, with every fibre of her being and sometimes she believes there’s still a part of her that does. Everything was accidental— falling in love, having a child together, nothing was ever planned so the thought of marriage was crazy to her as well as overwhelming. Marriage wasn’t anything she needed to have, or desired. They used to be on the same page but while she fell out of love with herself and could no longer recognize herself, he fell more in love with her and with a life he dreams to have.
But now she was angry. Angry that he’d even use her addiction as an advantage to make her feel guilty, like the reason their relationship ended was because she left him.
The brain scans on the screen weren’t enough to stop her mind from going elsewhere. Her day was slow, no surgeries booked so the only way she could distract herself was from a few consults. It wasn’t enough.
The door to the room opened, and she was no longer alone. “Hey! I’ve been looking all over for you!” The voice came from Maggie, who sat down in the chair beside her.
Amelia’s eyes were still staring ahead at the computer screen, a brain scan taking over the monitor. “Did something happen? Winston said—“
“Look,—“ Amelia sighed, turning the chair so it was facing her, a sigh falling out of her mouth. “I really don’t want to talk about it. I’m just— going to finish this consult and pick up Scout from daycare and go home.”
“Amelia-“ Maggie’s voice was soft. Somehow Maggie could always read her, always knew something was wrong; mind you, she wasn’t hiding it well.
“I’m fine.” She forced a small smile on her face. “I’m okay. I’m pushing through.”
She gave in, accepting the fact that Amelia wasn’t going to talk. “Okay, well. If you need anything, I am here.” When she stood, she placed a hand on Amelia’s shoulder for comfort. Amelia nodded, giving her a genuine smile before Maggie turned to leave the room.
She wished her mind was as quiet as the room was.
When Maggie left, Link was slipping past her to enter the room. He stopped in his tracks when his eyes landed on her. “Don’t worry, I’ll leave.”
“No— I’m just leaving.” She spun the chair around, so her back was facing him. If she looked him in the eyes, he’d see right through her. He always did.
He was scowling; pouting. His arms crossed over his chest and his eyebrows pushed together. He was angry; maybe not as angry as she was though. She wondered when he became so arrogant, she barely even recognized him. He used to be kind, someone that always said the right thing, always knew how to calm her down.
“Amelia, I’m sorry, what I said was—“
“Out of line.” She interrupted, her eyes not looking up. “But it’s cool, Link. You said what you said, the damage is done.” Standing up from the chair, her eyes landed on his, blue eyes sad.
He didn’t respond though, instead he kept his arms crossed over his chest and had an angry look on his face. So instead, she headed to the door and pulled it open before turning to look at him. “I meant it when I said I loved you. Did you?”
“Of course I did, Amelia.”
“Just not enough, I guess.” And that’s when his face softened, went from angry to sad. You could see the guilt hit him, wash away all of his features and his body was no longer tense.
“I’m picking up Scout from daycare.” And she didn’t let him respond, she barely even let him process everything before she was exiting the room, closing the door shut behind her.
—
Scout was being fussy, rubbing his eyes with his palms and letting out loud wails. He was sleeping when she picked him up from daycare, and he wasn’t happy to be woken up. He cried the whole way to the attendings lounge, his rosy cheeks stained with salty tears.
“Mama.” He would mumble while she buckled him into his stroller, his eyelids falling closed before seconds later he was sleeping, drool dripping out of his mouth.
She smiled, her heart warm and she leaned forward to press a gentle kiss to his forehead.
She sat in a chair, Scout facing her and she was about to stand up before she felt a warm breath tickle the side of her face. Their scent was recognizable and when their teeth gently glazed across her ear, it sent a tingle down her spine and it caused her breath to hitch in her throat.
“Close your eyes.” Their voice was barely above a whisper.
She obeyed, her eyes falling shut before she could feel Kai’s breath hit against her ear. “It’s a summer night. You’re standing on a beach on a island just west of California. The sand is still warm and it’s soft. So soft you can feel it between your toes.”
One of Kai’s hands tucked a piece of Amelia’s hair behind her ear. “There’s a cool breeze and the sky is orange. It reflects off the water and it’s quiet. The sound of waves crashing on the shore. It’s peaceful. A type of peace you dream of.”
Then, Kai’s lips were kissing below her ear and it caused Amelia to let out a quiet groan, her head falling back to give Kai more room.
Amelia turned to face them, her hands reaching for their belt loops before she was pulling them between her legs. Kai’s hand ran along her jawline before stopping at the base of her neck, giving it a gentle squeeze while their lips connected. Kai’s tongue ran along the bottom of Amelia’s lip, their other arm running down Amelia’s body to stop at her waist.
She wanted more. She craved more, and finally her mind was quiet. Their kiss grew more passionate and Amelia was tugging on Kai’s waist to try and get them to be closer to her. It felt like she was on fire, or like electricity was running through her. The longer the kiss lasted, the more she wanted it to keep going.
For a brief moment, Kai pulled away, their lips only inches away from hers. “Your son is here.”
“He’s asleep.” Amelia breathed against Kai’s lips, her hands resting along their jawline and pulling them back to her to connect their lips once more. Amelia stood from her chair, pushing Kai towards a wall until their back hit it. Her hands tangled in their hair, Kai’s hands gripping at her sides.
Then, Kai pulled away again, fully this time and Amelia let out a whine. “I have a plane to catch.” They winked, a smirk pulling at their lips. Tease.
Amelia leaned forward again, her lips pressing against theirs. It felt so good to kiss them, and she didn’t want to stop. “Stay.” She whispered, her voice full of desperation.
“I’ll see you next week.” Kai said once their lips left hers, before they made their way over to the door.
“Don’t let him get to you,” They turned to look at her briefly. “You are exceptional, Shepherd. Brilliant.”
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HEY, PLEASE YOU CAN WRITE THE 18x06 APART OF THE SOFA... (YOU KNOW) PLEAAASEEEE
Reconnecting
A/N: Hi! Sorry for not posting in a while, I've been really busy and unmotivated! But, I enjoyed 18x06 Amelink so, here we go! WARNING: SMUT!
"Link, nothing has changed for me." Amelia states, catching her breath from the kisses they just shared.
Link scans her face as she stares at him. He drops his eyes down to look at where she was sat on his lap, holding her close against his body. Moments later, before either of them really had the time to process what they were about to do, Link leans forward and reconnects their lips. He holds an arm around her back to support her as they fall back onto the couch.
Amelia's fingers run through Link's hair as the kiss deepens, their lips only parting for air. Link runs a hand down Amelia's side, stopping when he gets to the waistband of her jeans to slip his hand under her shirt. He softly runs his fingers across her torso before resting his hand underneath her breast against her ribs. The kiss is desperate, like they'd both been wanting to do it for months and like neither of them wanted it to end.
A moment later, from under his larger body, Amelia reaches her hands around Link's back and begins tugging on the hem of his shirt, signalling for him to take it off. Taking the hint, Link pulled away from the kiss and sat up, his knees on either side of her body as he pulled his sweater and shirt over his head and tossed it onto the floor. Before leaning back down, he began unbuttoning Amelia's shirt and pulled it from her body. After throwing it to the floor, Link leans back over her and begins kissing down her neck. He continues kissing down her body, taking her nipple into her mouth causing her to moan quietly.
"Link, please." she begs, not wanting to wait another moment.
Carefully, Link rolls off of her body and stands up. He makes light work of pulling off his jeans and boxers, letting his erection spring free as Amelia watches with a smirk on her face. He suddenly reaches forward and grabs hold of Amelia's ankles, pulling her towards him. He turns her body around and pulls her gently to the edge of the couch before unbuttoning her jeans and dragging them off of her body.
Seconds after discarding her pants, Link had Amelia's legs parted and over his shoulders. His head was placed between them as he dove in, finding her clit with his tongue straight away. Amelia lets out a moan as Link swirls his tongue repeatedly around her sensitive nub before pushing it inside her for a moment. Amelia throws her head back in pleasure and runs her fingers through Link's hair, willing him not to stop. She almost squeals as he takes her clit into his mouth and starts sucking on it. Not stopping his task, Link lifts his eyes to watch the pleasure on her face; he'd missed that, he'd missed her.
When he could tell she was getting close, Link pulled away. After standing back up, he lunges forward and pulls Amelia up off the couch and into his arms. He holds a hand around her back to support her and he turns them around and sits down on the couch. Link readjusts Amelia on his lap so her legs were placed on either side of his body as she hovers over his erection. Wasting no time, she begins to sink down, causing them both to moan simultaneously. After taking all of him inside her, Amelia holds still, allowing herself a second to adjust. She leans her head against his, connecting their lips in another passionate kiss. Pulling away, she whispers against his lips, "You feel so good.".
Unable to take it anymore, Link places his hands on her hips and begins guiding her up and down his cock. The pace is slow at first but the desperation quickly takes over as they begin to speed up. Amelia grinds her hips against him as she slides herself up and down his erection, moaning with every movement.
"Fuck." she groans, throwing her head back and arching her back, "I need more. Please."
Making sure to not slip out of her, Link holds Amelia against him as he stands up and flips them over. He gently places her down on the couch, pushing her legs back into her chest so her ass lifts up, deepening the angle for them both. Link begins thrusting again, his pace faster this time. The sound of their skin slapping quickly begins to fill the room. He holds her ankles as he thrusts, keeping the angle just right and allowing him to hit her g-spot the way he knows drives her crazy.
"Oh god, Link." Amelia cries, completely overwhelmed by the pleasure she was feeling, "Harder."
Picking up the momentum to fulfil her request, Link began pounding into her. The two of them were moaning louder now as they near the edge. He pushes her legs back further as she begins arching her back. Reaching a hand between them, his fingers make contact with her sensitive clit, rubbing gentle circles into it.
"Oh, fuck, Amelia." Link groans , feeling his climax building.
Amelia's mouth falls open, the pleasure becoming so overwhelming that her moans become silent. Link continues pounding into her, pulling his full length out before pushing back in whilst simultaneously rubbing circles on her clit.
"Fuck, me too." Link groans as Amelia begins grinding her hips in circles against him. The new sensation accelerating his climax.
"Do you mind if I-?" he asks, not wanting to assume anything, "Do it."
A moment later, Amelia was arching her back and moaning loudly as she came, her body shaking under him. The combination of watching her climax and the feeling of her walls tightening around his cock, sets off Link's own high. He groans loudly as he pushes himself deep inside her one more time before releasing inside her.
A few minutes later, Link had pulled out and joined Amelia on the couch. Her head was resting on his chest as they catch their breath and cool down in comfortable silence. In that moment, it felt like nothing had changed, like none of the bad stuff had happened. In that moment, it felt like them.
"That was maybe a bad idea." Amelia says, chuckling a little as she lifts her head to look up at him, "Maybe."
"But, god, I missed this." Link says softly, smiling at her. Amelia places her head back on his chest quietly,
1. The Jovi scene was absolutely ridiculous, useless, and irrelevant. And so was Levi's get-up. It sometimes feels like a joke to think he is one of the main characters on the show. Disappointed.
2. The Nico crumbs were much better than expected! I loved his scenes with Link, Winston, and Amelia. And as much as I was craving Schmico scenes, I am glad they allowed him to be someone more than Levi's boyfriend for once. I want him to have his own identity like this. And yes Nico, you don't have to develop Levi's hobbies just because you love him - great answer to Link's question!
3. The new plastic surgeon Dr. Lin worked only once with Levi and declared that the hospital's residents are unprepared. It clearly shows how Levi is lagging far behind and he really needs to do better! Btw, I like this new doc, she seems a badass! I hope Levi will show some growth with the new teaching system in place.
4. Maggie and Winston are adorable! But it's sad we were deprived of their honeymoon, and that we haven't even seen their new home yet. But I hope they always stay this happy together.
5. Link was very bothersome. I am not on Amelia's side or anything, but why is he so persistent about marriage? He needs to respect her decision and not force her to reconsider marriage. If it is that important to him then he can end the relationship, but if his love for her matters more to him then he should just make a compromise. The writers totally ruined one of the rare healthy relationships on the show.
6. As much as it's annoying that there's a new series regular on the show (who is not Alex Landi), I feel like this Nick Marsh guy has much better chemistry with Meredith than Hayes ever had. I never liked Mermac together.
7. If Towen didn't have all that horrible, messed-up history, their scenes from this episode would have actually seemed cute. Thumbs up to Leo wearing a tutu. And Megan broke up with Nathan Riggs? What the hell, woman!
That's all. Well my main concern is this: When will we get Schmico content? I am guessing not any time this month. Will Levi and Nico get to have any moments of peace and happiness or will they directly dive into the career-related conflict? What do other Schmico stans think? Let me know!
