#atow

You held your legs to your chest, letting your head rest on your knees. You had your back upon a large tree, the bark scratching your soft skin. Usually, you would hiss from the pain but you were too tired to care, the pain in your back couldn’t compare to how much your heart was hurting. The bright sun that would normally gleam down on your skin and warm your soul was nowhere in sight. Instead, a murky gray cloud took the sun's place. Your body shivered and you held yourself closer to bring back the warmth you would usually feel. “Oh, Eywa..” You whispered under your breath, fingers digging into the skin of your calves. “Why have you burdened me with such strong emotions?” You close your eyes, in hopes of drifting off to sleep. Hoping that when you wake up, you’re back home, swaying back and forth in your snonivi. Neteyam laying down right next to you, sleeping peacefully and everything that you heard not too long ago was a lie. That Neteyam and his family weren’t leaving for good. But when you opened your eyes you were still in the same spot with the same feeling that weighed heavily on your heart. This time though, Neteyam was standing right beside you. His expression is unreadable but you know well enough he’s feeling the same way you are. Upset and everything above else, sad. He lowered himself down and sat next to you. Your ears cast downwards as your tail wrapped around you protectively, the end of your tail brushing your ankle. You never liked people seeing you so vulnerable and so little, even Neteyam who’s been at your side ever since you were little.

“I’m sorry.” That was the first thing he said. You didn’t respond. He had nothing to apologize for, it wasn’t his fault that they were moving to a whole other place, a place far far away from here. When you were younger, you couldn't imagine a life without Neteyam stuck to your hip, it was mentally impossible to think of something like that. You hoped and prayed to Eywa that you and Neteyam would never be driven apart, that you and him will stick together through thick and thin. Maybe you didn’t truly put your heart into it because here you are, looking at him for what could be the last time ever. Your worst fear came true. You were in so much despair, you have never felt so worthless and fearful before. “You don’t have to apologize, Neteyam.” You spoke up, voice so small and feeble. “It isn’t your fault.” You watched how Neteyam threw his head back against the tree, a loud devastating sigh escaping his mouth. He then looked over to you and frowned, ears drooping down a bit. “When you look at me like that, it feels like I have done something to hurt you.” He says, fingertips gently brushing against the petals of a flower. “You have done nothing.” Your eyes glisten with tears and you rapidly blink your eyes. The last thing you would want to do is cry in front of Neteyam.

“Do you remember how we met?” Neteyam suddenly asks, tail swaying playfully at the mention of fond memory. “Yeah, I was climbing one of the trees when I slipped and fell on you.” You remember the way you gasped when you realized you fell on top of someone and not on something. You were screeching out apologies while you helped Neteyam up. “You broke my hand.” He laughed, looking at his left hand, the hand you broke by accident. “I wasn’t able to use my bow for a while.” He said. “I remember being more upset over that than you.” You felt so bad for breaking Neteyam’s hand that every day you would visit him, checking up on how he was doing and how well his hand was healing up. Neteyam always told you that you didn’t have to come every day but the frequent checkups became more of an excuse to see him. He caught onto it when his hand was fully healed and you still came over to see him. Ever since then, you and him were inseparable.

“I’m going to miss you.” You uncurled your legs from your chest and scooted closer to Neteyam, letting your head rest on his broad shoulder. “I don’t know what I’m going to do without you by my side.” You admit. Neteyam has become such a significant person in your life that a day without him ruins your mood instantly. How will you manage without seeing him at all after this? “You’ll await my return.” He grabs your hand and holds it, his body turning so he could fully face you. “Wait for me.” He whispered, hands moving to cup your face. His thumb caressing the apples of your cheeks, eyes looking at you so softly you swear you could melt right then and there. “If you promise to come back to me, I’ll be right here, waiting for you.”

Neteyam smiled and pulled you in for a hug. You didn’t know how much you needed a hug until now. His arms wrapped around your torso, pulling you in closer to his chest. You let yourself relish the moment, your head burying into his neck as you allowed yourself to silently cry. You were going to miss him so much, miss his hugs, his smile, his laugh. Everything. There wouldn't be a day that goes by where you won’t be missing him. He separated from the hug and sorrowfully smiled at you, tears of his own escaping his beautiful eyes. He held your face in his hands and you leaned into the touch. “I see you.” He kissed the tears that were on your cheeks. “I see you.” 

“Neteyam!” His ears perked up, a defeated sigh left him. His mother was calling out for him. He pressed his lips against your forehead and cheek. “Wait for me, please.” With one last hug, you and him said your final goodbyes and separated.

You did what he told you to do and waited for his return. But he never did return and you were left waiting for someone who was never going to come back.