#atomoxetine

Atomoxetine

I'm not pissed that there's something I really want to do like drawing or sewing but I have to do this chore first. No, I'm just excited to get there.

I don't need to mentally prepare for an hour before doing the chore.

I'm not bored out of my mind. I can work with no music, no video running in the background, I don't have distracting thoughts. No thoughts at all actually. Just PEACE.

I have ENERGY, both physically and mentally. I'm not tired, I don't drag myself through the chore. I work fast, even sort of multitasking, ideas are organized, ideas flow well, good workflow.

Short term memory is better.

I crave less sugar/junk food.

Among other things.

Things that haven't changed too much:

I still hyperfixate with activities (and in general). The past months I haven't touched my drawings or crafts, I've only been wanting/craving to sew.

I still leave things unfinished to start something else. I not only have art WiPs but also clothing WiPs. Imagine.

Now...... There are days/weeks when the medicine doesn't quite work. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what causes it, but I guess it's poor quality sleep. I'm not quite good at recognizing changes in my own behavior, this is what I've noticed so far. And since I'm taking two meds, I'm not sure what to attribute to what.

While I appreciate the forced correction of my sleep schedule, this leaves me waking up crazy early in the mornings once my body's decided I've had enough sleep. The silver lining to this is that it means I've been awake to catch THREE different Ateez livestreams happening in the early morning because I was up in time to watch them live 😭 So worth itttt

Life. Changes. ADHD meds & brain wrangling…

I’ve been on Strattera after switching off of Wellbutrin for several months now. (I did not necessarily *want* to stop the Wellbutrin, but the dose that had been working for me started giving me side-effects, and while I tried the next lower dose for a year, it proved insufficient for ADHD management.)

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Pros:

- My anxiety is WAY lower. That’s been fantastic!

- I can tell I’m driving more safely again; far fewer instances of getting caught off-guard by things I should have seen coming. Also fantastic.

- I have more energy and focus left at the end of the day for creative pursuits, which has been nice. Been writing more than before!

- Basically no side effects since I started taking the pill before bed rather than in the morning. (In the morning, it was leaving me mildly nauseated for most of the day.)

- My weird undiagnosed shooting phantom pains and twitches/spine chills have almost disappeared. Not a huge deal, they were more annoying than distressing, but it’s certainly a minor perk. (The fact that Wellbutrin affected them does make me wonder whether they might have been super mild seizure activity or something though ffff. Alternatively: maybe they were just psychosomatic anxiety nonsense??)

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Cons:

- The Strattera is not helping my working memory whatsoever, where the Wellbutrin did. I’m back to forgetting why I’ve gone to a room by the time I get to said room, only remembering to run half my intended errands when I’m out and about, making mistakes at work like accidentally leaving scientific instrumentation running over the weekend… it honestly kind of sucks. :/

- I’ve been feeling more emotional & self-critical than I’m used to. Might be a pretty natural consequence of making more mistakes throughout life, or might be because Wellbutrin was being helpful as an antidepressant too.

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In conclusion… more pros than cons, and some of the pros are pretty major! But the cons are major too. :’)

Ritalin has been a hard one for me since Concerta and Ritalin are technically the same medication, but I feel like they need separate characters. They’re names for the same medication, methylphenidate, but they’re different in doses and release. I switched from Concerta to Ritalin when I needed to up my dose since the next dose up of Concerta was too high for me. The stimulant meds are squirrels!

(Pardon the old art and older art here)

Ritalin came first name-wise. Methylphenidate was synthesized in 1944 in Germany, and the man who synthesized it named it after his wife, Rita (full name Marguerite). She used the drug for her low blood pressure. It was sold by Novartis, which was known as CIBA (Company for Chemical Industry Basel) at the time (Novartis came about in 1996 after two Swiss companies, Ciba-Geigy and Sandoz Laboratories). An extended release form of methylphenidate was approved by the FDA in 2000, known as Concerta, marketed by Alza Corporation. I almost feel like, lore wise, this would mean that the chemical got a second personification. This older medication, marketed with similar tactics to big names like Valium and Miltown (that being the “Mothers Little Helper” flavor of advertisement), has been used for so many different things. Ritalin was only approved for hyperactivity in 1961, and I love this ad from that time:

Very similar to what happened with Valium and the benzos, Ritalin became controversial despite the newfound blockbuster status thanks to treating hyperactivity. Both Ritalin and ADHD as a disorder were placed on the chopping block as people compared it to illegal amphetamines (we’ve all seen someone make that “well it’s basically meth they’re selling meth!” claim, it’s been around forever). Of course, Ritalin was being used a street drug as well. Ciba was against reclassifying Ritalin, worried about stigmatizing their patients. Ritalin ended up getting banned in its parent company’s home county of Sweden in the 1970s. Even back then, ADHD was criticized for being “overdiagnosed” and stimulants for being “overprescribed.” Jump to the 2000s and now here comes Concerta, a new, young, hip take on Ritalin, now with a fun new shape and a longer duration. Look at these pills!! Fun shape!!

Give it two years and now here comes Focalin, DEXmethylphenidate. Ritalin has a sibling, a twin. Just like Celexa and Lexapro (Citalopram and escitalopram), where Celexa is a racemic mixture of its two isomers and Lexapro is a pure formulation of the active isomer only (the s enantiomer), Ritalin is a racemic mixture of its two isomers, and Focalin is a pure formulation of the active isomer only (the d isomer). It was developed to try and reduce side effects and adverse drug interactions. Focalin ALSO got super fun shapes for its pills, going the benzo route and getting a letter shape, with a D for D-(dex)methylphenidate

How cute is that?? Hell, Novartis was even gonna name it Ritadex, but the FDA was like, “come on guys that’s too similar to the other one” and they went with Focalin instead (side note but I love how all of the ADHD drugs got funny names. Adderall, like ADD, what ADHD used to be called. Concerta, like concentrate. Focalin, like focus. Speaking of which, can we tell that MY Ritalin has worn off for the night?).

So imagine you’re Ritalin. You spent your life jumping from career to career, treating depression in the elderly, exhausted housewives, helping those locked away in asylums for YEARS, then transitioned to helping children with hyperactivity issues. You become a blockbuster, huge new responsibilities are placed on your shoulders, but you’re getting recognition finally. Then, people start to criticize you, your parent company, they want you rescheduled, but even when you’re made schedule III in 1970, and then schedule II in 1971, predictions continue to rise. The movement against you expands in the mid 1970s, spreading to the diagnosis you now mainly treat, ADHD, resulting in the American Academy of Pediatrics coming to your aid, basically saying “hey guys cool it, you can use non-medication therapies if you’d like, but there’s a place for stimulant drugs in this treatment.” 1980 rolls around, the DSM-III comes out, and ADD is finally included. The text revision in 1987 changes this to ADHD in 1987. Finally it seems like things are calming down, but then another company decides to basically release a new version of you ‘toy animatronic from FNAF’ style in 2000. Hello Concerta. Then in 2002, your parent company hops on this and now you’ve got a twin. Hello Focalin. On top of that, the first non-stimulant ADHD treatment is approved that same year, and here comes Strattera.

I would have suspected the placebo effect, but, given that I didn't expect to start feeling anything for at least three weeks, maybe two months, I doubt it. I hope that it continues to improve my symptoms even more, to the point where I don't need Concerta at all(though I'll probably still want some on hand just in case).

The point is, if you have ADHD and have side effects from stimulants that you don't like, ask your doctor if you can give non stimulants a try. It'll take a while to work, not everyone reacts as quickly as I do, but you can stay on stimulants in the meantime, and I know someone who uses both non stimulants and stimulants every day, so you wouldn't necessarily have to choose. The only reason I'd like to get off stimulants is because I have concerns about the long-term impact of them. But you do you!