#ataloss

My twin passed away on Saturday 10th December 2022. It will be a day etched in all our memories, but for me as her surviving twin, it’s a date that will be etched for other reasons also. It was the day, I was forced to start living my life on my own without her in the background, or by my side. As a surviving twin, I will always be 'a twin.'

My twin life...

I was born a 'twin.' Long before the twinkle in our parents' eyes, we were always going to be 'twins.' When we were born and growing up, twins we were always referred to 'as the twins.' We were one unit in and out of school, and to both of our annoyance, we had no individuality. That was the issue. For twins now, it has changed. Now my twin is gone way too soon.

Spirituality

While Sheila was poorly, she focused more on her ‘spirituality.' It's something we both believed in and something I continue to follow. Through her spiritual beliefs, she bore her illness with courage, she was brave. I know she didn’t believe she was, she was merely being polite. But I wasn’t the only one to notice, just how brave she really was.

Talking about 'illness'

With autism, and throughout my twin’s illness I have talked about my thoughts and feelings on my blog, in the hope that I could walk better through the experience. In truth, I have mentally and emotionally struggled.

The prospect of spending the rest of my life without her and 'going it alone' is daunting and scary; it feels heavy and truthfully I don’t do heavy well.

Welcome back ladies and gents.

Part two.two. (Part 2.2): Literally here's a side story to the last part.About a month before the YouTube History/Porn Link leak, this girl whom I use to be friends with but this relationship split that off quick. To fill you in, she thought he liked her and he did not. Obviously he liked me, or I wouldn't be here today. So for some reason I had her blocked on everything social media wise except for Instagram. I knew she had a boyfriend and I showed my significant other that and then I realized that her boyfriend went from having legs to no legs and we were intrigued.

I allowed my s.o to unblock her and inquire about what happen. We ended up finding out that he wrecked her car and totaled it and also totaled himself. My s.o wanted to mess with her even though she was in a new relationship(not the one we inquired about). He wanted to just joke with her and be slightly flirty I honestly didn't care. I didn't think it'd go further than Facebook messenger. I was WRONG. It went as far as SnapChat and phone number exchange that I know of. This story took place DAYS before the YouTube/Porn Link leak.

I realize right now that I didn't tell you guys that many months before all of this and just a couple after his mothers lovely and welcoming lunch that a girl he spoke to the summer before we met still texted him every once in awhile. I know I hate to break my stories up right now and I apologize. Well, I told him to tell her to lay off as we were right at 6 months into our relationship. He wouldn't do it and she was being slightly flirty at times. So, me being the well I guess a**hole I am I took his phone and told her to back off that he had someone and didn't need anyone else. I figured from there it was over but he kept wanting to message her and apologize for what I said. I convinced not to but I guess it wasn't enough.

I was out one night with my cousin and he wanted me to join him at the "Gay Club" I had no problem with that. I guess my s.o did. He ignored me on all of his breaks because at that time he was working nights. He had texted this girl and I have no idea what was exchanged among them text wise because he deleted it. I only figured that out when he was mowing outside and his phone rang I figured it was his parents so I checked it, it was a Facebook messenger notification. I opened it and it was her! The first messaged in the chat was "Hey sorry my phone got shut off, I can message you here on WiFi on breaks." Okay, so they exchanged a handful of messages and she even told him he was handsome and how she missed him etc he didn't bother backing up the relationship at all. He continued to message her. I confronted him when he came inside from mowing. I guess you can say after that is when I started checking his phone periodically. After, that incident is when I became snoopy even though I hated being that way. He had broke my trust at that point and put me on edge. Now, to continue with the other story. Sorry for the brief intermission.

So, I was wrong to think it wouldn't leave Facebook messenger. I was in the kitchen with him and I was doing a small phone check and I found out there was an option for Locked Pictures and I ended up figuring out the password right there. He had screen-recorded him basically sexting her, but he would pause the recording when he would reply so I have no clue what he sent and it constantly hung over me. It drove me absolutely insane. Even after I questioned him over and over he said he never showed anything and that he did it for blackmail even though he didn't know her boyfriends name and he at this time already had re-blocked her. I don't understand it still to this day.

Essentially, STRIKE THREE AND STRIKE FOUR. I swear I was an idiot.