#thecpdiary

What Wasn't Mine to Carry

I grew up angry.

Not understanding why – leaning in and learning how to adjust to everything around me.

Conflict didn’t look like resolution. It looked more like avoidance. What was said seemed to matter less than how I responded to it. Conversations would shift – quietly, continually – until the focus wasn’t the harm, but my reaction.

I learned early that emotions weren’t always welcome. Too much feeling often led to emotional struggle. So I stayed small instead.

What I didn’t know then was that I was navigating the world with something no one had named.

So the things I struggled with weren’t recognised as struggles. They were often seen as flaws.

Being overwhelmed was often seen as “attitude.” Being sensitive was often seen as “overreacting.” Needs were often seen as “too much.”

And when your reality isn’t reflected back to you, it becomes easier to question it – even when something in you knows it’s real.

There’s a particular kind of confusion that comes from that – when your experience is redirected, minimised, or misunderstood.

It’s not just the situation you start to doubt. It’s yourself.

Looking back now, it feels different.

My reactions weren’t the problem. They were signals.

A nervous system trying to cope without the tools or understanding it needed.

Feelings don’t arrive by choice, and they don’t disappear just because they’re inconvenient to someone else.

What I’m learning now isn’t just acceptance. It’s something closer to ownership.

Acceptance says: that happened, and it affected me. Ownership says: I get to decide what belongs to me.

I recognise that I grew up in an environment that didn’t know how to hold and care, still I learned how to hold myself.

I can see that parts of me were overlooked – and still learn how to see myself more clearly now.

This feels like understanding. Like clarity.

Because when the focus stays on your reaction, resolution doesn’t really happen. And without resolution, it’s easy to carry questions that were never yours to hold.

I’m starting to put some of them down.

I was never “too much.” I was responding to too much, without the support.

“I am no longer carrying what isn’t mine.”

And that changes things.

About the Author

Ilana Estelle is an author and writer, and the founder of The CP Diary. Born with something she didn’t know she had, later learning it was cerebral palsy, and then ten years after – also being diagnosed with autism, she has turned personal adversity into a powerful platform for awareness, reflection, and change. Through her writing, Ilana inspires readers to explore resilience, mindfulness, and what it means to live authentically, no matter the challenges.

Looking for inspiration and honest reflection? Visit The CP Diary for daily insights. To explore Ilana’s books and resources, head to her author page and discover how her journey can support your own.

In 2016 David Cameron agreed to hold an EU referendum – largely because his own party was split on Europe. He expected a Remain win that would settle the argument. Instead, Leave won, and he resigned the next day. That isn’t interpretation it's simply the sequence of events. (Hansard 2016; BBC News 2016)

Where We Are and What the OBR Says

Fast-forward. The UK left the EU single market and customs union on 1 January 2021. Since then the Office for Budget Responsibility – the independent fiscal watchdog that scores UK Budgets has been consistent in its published forecasts: UK trade volumes are lower than they would have been had the UK stayed in the EU, and lower trade feeds through into lower productivity and lower long-run growth. (OBR 2023)

The OBR’s central estimate is that UK trade intensity will end up around fifteen per cent lower in the long run than if the country had remained inside the EU. That is not a campaign group line; it is the official forecaster for the Treasury. (OBR 2023, Box 2.2)

Why It Feels Worse for Some People

At the same time, the inflation shock of 2021–22 landed hardest on poorer households. Think tanks such as the IFS and Resolution Foundation, and the ONS’s own household cost indices, all show the same thing: lower-income households devote more of their budgets to food and energy, so the same price increase wipes out more of their disposable income. People with savings or assets had a cushion. People without them didn’t. The pain was therefore uneven. (IFS 2022; ONS 2023; Resolution Foundation 2022)

There is No Apology

Politically, there is no apology because neither of the two main parties is currently advocating to reverse the decision. They know it’s bleeding us dry. They know the loss of movement is shrinking the world for our kids. It’s not ignorance – it’s indifference. The government still presents Brexit as something positive. The official opposition has ruled out seeking to re-join. (Conservative Party 2024; Labour Party 2024)

Putting it Bluntly

The short conclusion is that UK living standards are under pressure. Brexit is not the only reason – the Covid supply chain disruption and the global energy price spike mattered a great deal, but Brexit is the real driver, and you can see it not in any ideological argument, but in the data published by the institutions, responsible for official forecasts and distributional analysis. (OBR 2023)

About the Author

Ilana Estelle is an author and writer, and the founder of The CP Diary. Born with something she didn’t know she had, later learning it was cerebral palsy, and then ten years after — also being diagnosed with autism, she has turned personal adversity into a powerful platform for awareness, reflection, and change. Through her writing, Ilana inspires readers to explore resilience, mindfulness, and what it means to live authentically, no matter the challenges.

Looking for inspiration and honest reflection? Visit The CP Diary for daily insights. To explore Ilana’s books and resources, head to her author page and discover how her journey can support your own.

If You Forget Me – By Pablo Neruda

“Well, now If little by little you stop loving me I shall stop loving you Little by little If suddenly you forget me Do not look for me For I shall already have forgotten you

If you think it long and mad the wind of banners that passes through my life And you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots Remember That on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms And my roots will set off to seek another land” – ((Source: greatestpoems.com)

PABLO NERUDA, Selected Poems

"This beautiful poem speaks to more than just romantic love – it’s about any relationship where your heart was fully invested, but it wasn't reciprocated. When love fades, and the connection becomes one-sided, you can choose to let go – not out of bitterness, but out of self-respect for yourself. No matter the relationship, sometimes the most loving thing you can do is to release what no longer returns your energy."

Developed by researchers in Japan, Japanese Interval Walking Training is a structured walking method that alternates between fast and slow walking. The idea is simple: walk quickly for three minutes, then slow down to a gentle pace for the next three. Repeat the cycle five times for a 30-minute session.

Why the Method was Originally Designed The method was originally designed to help older adults stay active and build cardiovascular strength, but it’s since found a wider audience. What stands out is how accessible it is. There is no equipment, no gym membership, no need for apps or coaching. Just the willingness to walk with intention.

Studies from Japan Studies from Japan show significant results after consistent practice – improvements in aerobic capacity, muscle strength, blood pressure, and even balance. The researchers also noted changes in physical appearance and movement patterns, suggesting that people who practiced it regularly not only felt stronger but also moved more youthfully.

IWT encourages recovery Unlike high-intensity workouts, Interval Walking Training "IWT" doesn’t leave you exhausted. It encourages recovery as much as it promotes effort. The fast intervals are enough to elevate the heart rate and stimulate the muscles, while the slower intervals allow the body to regain its rhythm. There’s a flow to it, and over time, that rhythm becomes part of your day.

Conclusion Walking has always been a form of meditation, and this gives it just enough structure to feel deliberate. It fits easily into a morning or late afternoon, and the effects seem to build gradually without force. There’s comfort in a routine that asks you only to keep going – three minutes at a time, fast and slow, breath and step. Japanese Interval Walking isn’t revolutionary in its form, but in its impact, it just might be. (Source: economictimes.indiatimes.com)

"The Journey" – by Mary Oliver

An Inspirational Poem About Self-Discovery and Courage

One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice -- though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles. "Mend my life!" each voice cried. But you didn't stop. You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried with its stiff fingers at the very foundations, though their melancholy was terrible. It was already late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones. But little by little, as you left their voice behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, determined to do the only thing you could do -- determined to save the only life that you could save. – Mary Oliver

(Source: best-poems.net)