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Rory: There's no need to be afraid of me, I don't bite.
David: Yes, but you stab?!
Rory: ...
Rory: ...I don't bite.
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Life 2017 incorrect quotes dump
David: Life hack: you don't need to be a wolf to yell sad noises at the moon.
(source: tumblr)
*
Rory: You've got to learn to love yourself.
David: But don't you hate yourself?
Rory: Yeah, but this is about you. Stay focused.
(source: perchance generator)
*
[at a restaurant]
David: I'm gonna park the car. Can you get a table for us?
Rory: Sure.
[a few minutes later]
Rory: [*runs out of the restaurant carrying a table*]
Rory: START THE CAR!
(source: twitter)
*
Sho: Did you get high and watch samurai movies again?
Rory [crying]: Yes.
Sho: Did he die because he was burdened by the very code he lives for again?
Rory [breaking into a sob]: Yes.
(source: twitter)
*
Deadpool!Rory: I'm into polyarmory.
David: You mean polyamory, right?
Deadpool!Rory: No, [*pulls out multiple swords*] but that's good too.
(source: tumblr)
*
David: You're my best friend. I would do anything for you.
Miranda: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.
David: Absolutely not.
(source: tumblr)
*
Hugh: Are you sure this is a good decision?
Rory, [offended]: What are you talking about? I've never made a good decision in my life and I never will.
(source: tumblr)
*
Calvin!Rory: Don't be part of the problem. Commit. Be the entire problem.
(source: tumblr)
*
David: I think you have me confused with Rory. When have I ever done anything rash or irresponsible?
Kat: I keep a list. It's alphabetized.
(source: tumblr)
*
David: Bad things keep happening to me. Like I have bad luck or something.
Miranda: David, you don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass.
(source: tumblr)
*
[post canon au]
Calvin: Hey, I get it. You're stressed out. A few people died...
David: Thousands of people died.
Calvin: C'mon I know you don't care about those. The crew is all you cared abou--[sighs] Anyways, that's not the point. Look... they're dead now. And really, who's fault is that?
David: Yours.
Calvin: That's right--no one's.
(source: tumblr)
*
Calvin!Rory: Y'all only hate me because I've tried to kill you multiple times and will continue to do so. Get over yourselves.
(source: tumblr)
*
[dark/villain au]
Villain!David [finally pushed to breaking point]: I want to watch the world burn.
Calvin!Rory: And I'll happily help you burn it. ;)
(source: tumblr)
*
Calvin!Rory: You're probably wondering what we're doing tonight.
David [tired]: Not really, I just sort of go along with your bullshit now.
(source: tumblr)
*
Calvin!Rory: And here we have David, my husband.
Other Eldritch Horror: ...You mean host, right? Thrall? Servitor?
Calvin!Rory: Pretty sure I know what I fucking said.
(source: tumblr)
*
Exorcist: I'm here to remove the demon that possessed you.
Rory: I didn't call you.
Calvin: I did.
(source: twitter)
