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The shared cultural understanding of āloveā still evades me. Mostly dating as a concept, and the generally accepted/assumed reasons as to why people date or want to date.
Just saw someone say they thought about dating someone because they were attractive. And I was like ā??? Thatās not why allo people date. Typically they date because they want a life-partner.ā And then I thought about the phrase ādating for marriageā and how itās perceived as unique. And then I thought about flings and thought āyeah, I guess people can date short term for the physical benefits and for non-romantic reasonsā.
And THEN I wondered what benefit comes with dating a person thatās attractive. Itās by no means an indicator of your compatibility. I would think itās a bonus, but for a lot of people it seems to be the bare minimum.
And thatās where I stop, because this line of thinking often leads me down some incel-ish rabbit holes.
Iāll see people online say āeveryone wants to date someone prettier, taller, hotter than themselvesā and I think āOf course they donāt! I definitely donāt!ā but I donāt experience attraction the same as everyone else, so I canāt really confirm that for certain! They do āmathā like thereās a formula to getting a date, and as a person that has to think long and hard and logically about a lot of my social interactions it is VERY tempting to think you can math out peoplesā feelings, but you canāt!!! Thereās so much nuance!!
I really need to talk to more allo people in my life to get their perspective. The way out of incel-type thinking is by talking to people and understanding that categories of people arenāt monoliths. They arenāt math problems. Iām not gonna convince an internet stranger of that, but I have people in my life that I fear could fall victim to that way of thinking. I want to be able to help them out of that way of thinking if the opportunity arises!
Iād love to hear what anyone thinks about any of this because I think about it a lot. Allo/aro/ace or otherwise :)
I think it's so based of me that I'm a (partially) alloromantic asexual who prefers QPRs to romantic relationships
like due to the dilution of the term QPP and amatonormativity, I think most people who had both romantic and queerplatonic relationships would be expected to prefer a romantic relationship
but no, I'm someone who can experience romantic feelings in a romantic relationship and I would honestly prefer that my relationship with a partner were platonic
It's true that this is informed by a degree romance repulsion I have, so I do have factors that another grayromantic may not have but. yeah, no amatonormativity for me
