#asod

Oh god, Ma was going to kill him. He was a dead man walking and for more than the demon deal he hadn’t meant to make with the demon he hadn’t meant to summon.

Don’t worry Ma, it’s the quietest town in the state. Don’t worry Ma, I’ll lay off the magic and focus on writing. Don’t worry Ma, I’ll be fine.

So much for that. Roman had to kiss the cushy life away from his mother good-bye. He was fairly certain that he was going to be locked in her basement until the end of time, or Ma found a way to break the deal, whichever came first. He was never going to get that best seller done, let alone the series he was doing now, and the thought of that ached. No, it was more of a horrific burn, and Roman didn’t want to think about that.

He’d rather focus on that flipping cute barista that worked at Starbucks and the easy no pressure flirting that was in his future. Maybe he’d actually be able to control his mouth to some extent. Or at least turn the ever flowing waterfall of prose and rush of flowery words to a target that wouldn’t be shredded into ever flowing driftwood like the way his future had just been destroyed. Yeah, like that.

Roman paused when the steady footsteps that had been next to him stopped and he ripped himself from his internal monologue- which in his defense was a beautiful monologue, could use some work but, no focus Roman- to look at the demon.

And Roman could admit that the demon he summoned was a rather tall drink of water, but the whole creature of Hell thing was a turn off. Totally not his thing. As was the inevitable dragging his soul to Hell. And his inevitable death at Ma’s hands--wait, no don’t think about that. There was a lot of inevitables going around lately and it tempted Roman to do something truly stupid just to throw the word off its tracks.

“Uhhhh,” Roman glanced around at the near empty street. He smiled at the girl staring at the two of them and waved, feeling way too happy at the fact that she waved back before hurrying off. He turned his eyes back to Lahash, “So are you planning on moving any time this century, Beelze-bud? Or is just standing there all-” He waggled his fingers in front of his face, “- and doing demon-y things?”

Lahash stared at him for a long moment, before pinching the bridge of his nose. Score one for the witch.

“Do you ever listen to the mess that exits your mouth or is it never ceasing stream of useless, unintelligible dribble?”

Roman wrinkled his nose, and stuck his tongue out at the demon, “Buffy speak is a perfectly acceptable way of communicating the thingies that people do the, you know, the thing with.” He grinned at the way Lahash’s eyes darkened with anger. Aaaaand score two for the witch. If he was going to die at least he could make it amusing.

“But that doesn’t answer my question, La Lahash Land, coffee is that way.” He pointed in the direction of the nearest Starbucks and Lahash raised an eyebrow at him. Bastard. “It’s literally within your line of sight. I know that you’re blind to all the good things in the world, but it’s also an evil evil capitalist business and I’m sure you’d be encouraging some sort of Hell agenda by supporting them. They killed Merry Christmas on their cups last year, that’s like your enemy’s birthday right?”

Roman’s grin grew at look on Lahash’s face. Score three, and he was winning. The demon looked like he was struggling for the right words to say. Probably more big words about Roman’s smarts, and how lacking in them he was. Fine by him, the more people underestimated him the better. Roman had never cared, well actually, that was a lie, but he was master at pretending he didn’t care.

“So do you actually say Hail Satan? Like is that part of the customer experience? Do I need a pamphlet. Are there pamphlets for this?” Roman said as he looked down at his hands, envisioning an actual pamphlet. The front would have a pentagram obviously, maybe with cute little horns and a tail, black and red like an edgy teen had tried to design it. Roman pitched out, “Demons 101: How to Care for a Little Shit.”

“More like Demons for Dummies.” Lahash snapped back, “Chapter One is titled How to Summon Like a Fucking Idiot.”

“I think that title is too long.” Roman said with a cheeky smile and patted him on the back, “But good try, Hot Wings. Someday, you’ll figure it out.”

Roman bit back a laugh at Lahash’s face. Score four, and he pulls ahead! Lahash’s nose wrinkled and his mouth twisted as if he sucked on a lemon. He adjusted his glasses and tightened his tie. Roman only had a moment to process holy shit, oh wait, unholy shit that was hot. Bad Roman, no, don’t lust after the demon, that’s how they get you.

Lahash stepped in front of him and stared him down, “We are walking to Angel’s Coffee if you know what’s good for your entrails,” he growled out and perked an eyebrow, “Is. That. Clear?”

And score one for Lahash.

Roman let out a squeaky, “Okay,” before clearing his throat and trying to back track, “I mean, what the hell, I don’t even know where that is-”

Roman blinked at the small paper that was shoved into his face, going cross-eyed trying to read the tiny script. Lahash sighed and Roman valiantly resisted the urge to stick his tongue out at the demon again. It wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t read the paper card or whatever that was literally inches away from his face! He reached up to snatch it out of the demon's hands and ignored the growl it earned him.

Or at least pretended to, the sound made him shiver and he spent a precious moment trying to tap down on the way his magic jumped. Down boy.

The card was professionally done, and Roman could appreciate the clear artistic eye that went into the simple design. Angel’s Coffee, done in elegant script and framed by a pair of wings. He flipped it over, and couldn’t help his snicker.

Not halo amount of Coffee! Visit us at xxxxxx!

“Cute,” he admitted, and went to pocket the card only for Lahash to growl at him again. “Alright, alright, touchy much?” Roman tossed him the card back, “But like, I appreciate the ironic aesthetic and all. But like, it’s half an hour away and have you seen the sky?”

He waved at the dark clouds and ignored the unimpressed look in Lahash’s eyes. Roman almost snapped that he knew rain had never hurt anyone but have you seen his shoes? They didn’t exactly come cheap, before he bit down on his lip. No, that line was too personal.

“Just because you wanna cool down from a stint in Hell, but some of us have delicate complexions and an actual body that gets sick. So excuuuse me if I don’t want to go walking in the rain.”

“What are you talking about?” Lashash said as he looked at the dotted clouds in the sky, “It’s lovely today. You need to get your eyes checked as well if you think,” he spread out his arms in the muted sunniness of the afternoon, “this is going to rain.”

“It’s still half an hour!” Roman said as he followed Lahash down the street, past the Starbucks, “You can’t be serious. Do you even know where it is?”

“Humans have walked for far longer times than a mere thirty minutes only five hundred years ago. And by the alarming number of pizza boxes in your apartment, well,” Lahash turned around to eye him up and down, Roman fought back the blush at the stare, “you need the exercise.”

“We can just call an Uber!” Roman said aghast and pulled his jacket tighter around him, he walked faster to catch up, “It’s only ten minutes of driving.”

“Already out of breath?” Lahash clicked his tongue, “I told you so. We’re walking.”

Roman pulled up into a stop and pointed at the demon. “I,” he declared, “am not out of breath. I am nowhere near what is counted as out of breath- wait! Wait, wait, hold up, set down the bag, and take a lag. I never agreed to this in the first place!”

Lahash clicked his tongue, “Only catching on now? I suppose I should be less surprised. It’s amazing what humans will do with only the slightest suggestion, such as walking in a certain direction. So many arbitrary rules that you give yourselves. Ah, well, more for me to exploit, such as it is.”

“Excuse me?!” Roman said, “I’m not following your manipulations! I’m standing right here and I’m going to call an Uber. And when you arrive at the cafe out of breath then I’ll have the last laugh! Cause I’m not falling for your demonly tricks.”

Roman crossed his arms. Lahash sighed and turned on his heel and kept walking. Roman tapped his foot on the cement as he took out his phone and pulled up the Uber app. He watched Lahash’s back stop at an intersection. He typed in the address. He shifted from foot to foot as the light counted down. The Uber blue route lit up on screen. Then the clamor of the crowd as they crossed the street. He lost sight of Lahash in the masses.

Roman swore.

He took off into a run and crossed the street just as the light turned to red. He heard angry honks behind him as he bent over his knees and panted. He swallowed in wet breathes, he just ran a whole block, fucking shit. Roman looked up from the grey pavement to see two familiar business sensible shoes in front of him. He straightened to see Lahash smugly looking at him. Before Roman could tell him to wipe that irritating smile off his face, he turned around and went back to walking.

“We have to turn right at the next light.” Roman muttered next to him, falling in step, “You do know Google Maps, right?”

“No.”

“You’re insane.” Roman said, “Did you just walk in any direction? Were you planning on asking for directions?”

“Yes. Do humans not do that anymore?”

Roman wasn’t sure what noise escaped his mouth but whatever it was made Lahash’s smirk tick higher upwards. Damn him to Hell- wait, would it be better to bless a demon? Roman wondered vaguely if he should have known that by now, or if someone had told him before and he had just forgotten. He wasn’t used to needing to be the one with the knowledge. Ma would have his hide if she found out- Nope, he was still avoiding thinking about her learning anything about him right now.

Roman tapped at the screen of his phone, squinting to get a better look at the map. “There’s an alley up head that it wants us to take-”

“‘It wants,’” the demon muttered, “As if humanity has the ability to create something with feelings.”

Roman ignored him. Barely a few hours of knowing each other and it seemed they had already fallen into a pattern. Roman didn’t want to know if it was a good thing or a bad thing. He really didn’t want to think about how having someone to talk to was a heady feeling. Or how his plans on breaking the deal were slowing getting pushed back behind showing Lahash that he was in fact an adult. And that humanity was awesome. And that he was intelligent.

And wow, this was such a bad idea. Huge. Oh god.

“- so if we happen to get mugged, you really should refrain from murdering anyone,” Roman continued smoothly. “I haven’t had to hide a body in years.”

That drew Lahash up short and Roman adjusted his scoreboard accordingly. Haha, who’s a loser? Not Roman!

“You haven’t killed anyone,” the demon scoffed, and Roman smirked. The longer the silence stretched on, only the sound of footsteps around him, the more Lahash seemed to waver. “No, no, you haven’t, you don’t have the guts for it.”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Roman singsonged, a bounce in his steps.

“You are infuriating,” Lahash said, and Roman winked at him.

“I do try my best. It’s a gift.”

“A gift of idiocy,” Lahash muttered, eyes sweeping the alley. Huh, Roman wouldn’t have thought he’d take the warning seriously. It was unexpected, but not unappreciated. Not that he really thought there was going to be a mugger in the alley, it was a quiet town after all. It never hurt to be prepared though. “Was it from your mother perhaps?”

Roman let out a shriek. No one got to talk like that about Ma.

“You need to cool your jets,” he hissed, flinging his hands out, magic sparking at his fingertips. Wait, no, no, no, he didn’t want sparks! The dumpster just left of Lahash caught fire and Roman yelped at the whoosh that came from the sudden change. That- was not a water spell. Nope.

Silence fell between the two of them, and Roman coughed into his hand. “That will be you if you ever talk about Ma like that again.”

Lahash stared at him for a long moment, turning slowly to look at the (thankfully) quickly dying fire, and then back at Roman. “Well,” he drew out, then deadpan, “That is about an accurate summation of my mood for the day.”

Roman yelped again and almost stumbled trying to follow after the demon. “Like a….” he glanced back, “A dirty dumpster fire?”

“Sure,” Lahash said, waiting at the corner for Roman to take the turn they were supposed to, “As well as being misused by the most incompetent witch I’ve ever had the dishonor to meet.”

Roman bit down on his tongue. It wasn’t exactly a wrong assessment of his skills. Roman had managed to pull a demon from Hell when he had just been trying to craft an assistant.  He rubbed at the sigils around his wrists, and clenched his jaw.

“Oh I can’t have been the worst,” he tried to wave off.

“That’s up for debate,” Lahash said, eyeing him with intelligence that seemed to pierce his soul. Roman grinned and shrugged shameless.

“What can I say?” Roman waggled his eyebrows, “My life is simply an explosion of adventure. I never had time to learn control, and everyone loves a little wildness in their love anyways.” He winked and blew Lahash a cheesy kiss.

“I don’t believe you can handle my sense of wild.” Lahash said, and then pulled a wink. Roman felt his face flush, he just had to summon a cheeky demon, didn’t he? “Whatever is that supposed to mean?”

Lahash said nothing and goddamn his smirk. Roman shoved down the monkey part of his brain. How did this demon already manage to wrap him around his little pinky? Oh god, he was in over his head wasn’t he? Then he saw the exit to the alley was ahead. Roman let out a relieved sigh as he saw the green cafe doors on the other side of the street come into view.

Lahash came to an abrupt stop, “I don’t believe I’ve introduced myself.” he turned to Roman and held out a hand, “My human name is Logan.”

“Logan?” Roman said as he shook his hand, then bit back a yelp as Logan’s hand tightened, “You must never speak my demonic name in front of anyone. If you do, I’ll be forced to kill them on the spot.”

Roman gulped as he saw Logan’s fangs grow in and peek out his lips, “Okay.” he said with a squeak.

“You must never order me around. And don’t you ever use your magic on me, witch.” Logan spat out, his red eyes appearing for moment before fading, “There’s a special torture in Hell for the witches who dare to do so. Even today I can still find pieces of them stuck to my shoes.”

Roman’s eyes widen and his lungs couldn’t take a breath and his heart pounded. He felt the ghost of claws digging into his soft palm. Logan smiled and Roman felt his heart skip a literal beat at the fangs glinting back at him.

“Do you understand, Princey?”

“Crystal clear.” he said with a strangled gasp, and then Logan finally let his grip go, Roman took his hand back with a hiss, “Is that the Orientation to Demon 101? Cause it sucks.”

Logan smirked and then turned his gaze to Angel’s Coffee.

Oh, Ma was going to kill him.  

It was one o’clock and the lunch rush slowed to a trickle. Finally, Virgil’s fingers and feet could rest. He bit back a groan as he leaned against his counter. His feet begged him to take a fifteen minute break two hours ago. He really should’ve bought better shoes on the last shopping trip. He knew this was his dream job but it wasn’t easy on the sensitive sole.

Patton was rubbing off on him. A giggle escaped him. Man, he should tell Pat. He could use the laugh too. Sensitive sole. Comedy gold.

Virgil turned to him. Then frowned, Patton had been adjusting the counter display for the past five minutes. He remembered that call earlier, he knew Patton said he was fine, but he still felt his stomach roil with anxiety. Virgil bit his lip. There were no customers at the moment, so he stepped closer, away from the register.

“Patton,” Virgil said, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Patton startled and turned to him with a smile, “I’ve never been better!” Patton ran his hands down his apron and fiddled with the pens in his apron pockets. He took a breath, “I’m just...jittery. I’m hoping an old friend comes to the cafe. I’m not sure if he will but if he does, well, so much the better!”

Patton’s smile was unrestrained in its brilliance, “Golly, it’s been so long!”

“Must be some friend.” Virgil said teasing, “Do you want to talk about him?”

“...No, not really.” Patton said after a pause, “Not right now. If he shows up, then I’ll let you know who it is. Otherwise, we can eat the cookies I made and talk about him then.” Patton walked over to him and put a hand on his arm, “I promise, dear.”

Virgil knew he shouldn’t press. There were some things in Patton’s past that never failed to make him clam up for one reason or another. It didn’t really matter too much to Virgil, not when Patton was open with him about not wanting to talk. Patton tugged on Virgil’s arm to take his place at the register. Virgil leaned forward to peck his cheek and walked around to pick up the dishes on the tables.

Virgil heard the bell above his door chime with new arrivals. He turned his head to the sound as he picked up plates. The two men made him do a double take. The one in front strided in as if he owned the place, his red letterman jacket making him look like a stuck up jock that never left high school. Already Virgil detected asshole all over the man’s windswept hair and chiseled jawline. He mouthed something off to his friend, a smirk and a wink, and Virgil hated anyone who looked so good effortlessly.

His eyes drew to Adonis Asshole’s friend, who hadn’t followed him inside, and just stood outside. Adonis threw his hands in the air and and stalked back to his friend, the two leaning forward to exchange rapid words under their breath. Well, that wasn’t shady at all. Virgil worried at his thumb as the friend winced walking through the door and let out a shaky breath. Virgil watched him walk to the nearest empty table to the entrance while Adonis sauntered to the counter.

Then the friend’s eyes shot over to him from his table and Virgil felt a sudden clench around his throat. He averted his gaze, focusing on cleaning up his plates. Shit, he hadn’t even realized he was staring. That was so rude. Virgil felt the heavy stare on his back as he stacked dirty plates, making his spine prickle and neck burn with a flush. There was something off about that man. He wasn’t one to judge, money was money, but it made his mind twist in knots.

Virgil hoofed it back to the counter and through the doors to the kitchen in the back. He set the plates down in the sink and pushed his sleeves back up to his elbows. He sucked in a breath. It was okay. Patton’s jitters just made him twitchy too. Nothing was wrong.

He walked back out and watched Patton grab the two finished coffee orders by the machine. Virgil went to the register while Patton walked to the pick-up section. They worked in tandem, a silent rhythm, beneath the perpetual faint music playing overhead.

Patton called out, “Order for a Roman and Logan?”

Adonis blushed as he stumbled out of his seat, “Ah yep! That’s me! Roman, haha.”

“It was nice of you to be roman around here and stop by our cafe!” Patton said delighted, “Enjoy the coffee, sir.”

Roman blinked at Patton and in a heartbeat, the almost endearing nervousness disappeared under a smirk. The asshole leaned forward and Virgil felt his grip on the counter tighten.

“Well with a cutie like you serving it, who wouldn’t?” The asshole had the nerve to wink and Virgil grit his teeth. He glared daggers at the man, wondering if he could set Roman on fire with the force of his gaze alone. At the very least, make the uppity customer uncomfortable. Patton giggled, and Virgil tried to pick out if it was an amused or uncomfortable one.

“Oh thank you!” Patton said, before bringing his hand and ring up to view, “But I’m afraid this cutie pie has already filled that spot in his life.”

Roman squealed, Virgil’s shoulders jumped to his ears at the sudden noise, “Oh my gosh! Congratulations! Who’s the lucky gal? Or guy? How did it happen? Oh I don’t mean to pry but I’m such a sap for weddings!” He bounced on his feet as he leaned forward on the counter, “When’s the date?”

Virgil drifted to Patton’s side, “We haven’t picked a date yet. We’re still debating on a winter or spring wedding.” Virgil narrowed his eyes at Roman, “So take your coffees, sir, and enjoy them.”

Roman took the coffee with a sheepish expression as he slid back to his table. Virgil tracked Roman and his perky ass back to the table and his friend with a glare. Damn it, he was hot. Then Virgil felt Patton grip his arm tightly. He wasn’t that obvious was he? Virgil stumbled as Patton dragged him to the kitchen with a yelp.

Patton let him go and walked into their refrigerator. Moments later, he set down an assortment of cookies. Virgil had seen Patton make them the minute he came back from the latest demon attack. Patton quickly transferred the cookies onto a platter with a lace center. He bent over his work, tongue sticking out in concentration as he lined them up just right.

“What’s up, Pat?” Virgil said, “You’ve been acting weird for the past hour.”

Patton straightened and turned to him, “Oh sorry, honey. I saw my friend out there. I just…” he glanced at the cookies, “wanted to welcome him after so many years.” Patton’s eyes glazed over as he thought about some distant dusty memory. Virgil guided his fiancé to sit down at the table. He pulled up his own chair in front of Patton, and leaned against the table.

“Oh Virgil,” Patton said as he put a hand on Virgil’s face, his smile a little sad like the time Virgil told him he was moving schools, “I was planning on telling you about Lahash after we got married. It’s tradition you know.”

“Lahash?” Virgil said, his tongue awkward around the name, “Who is he?”

“I know I don’t talk about Heaven.” Patton said as he tugged Virgil’s hands into his own, “But I can tell you about him. Lahash was my only angelic husband, he was my first, and we’ve been married for eons. Even before that, we were friends before the first stars were born.”

Virgil felt his mouth grow dry, “What happened?”

Patton’s hands tightened, “Lucifer rebelled. Lahash took his side. We had to fight on opposing sides of the War until God decided to force Lucifer and his Army to Fall.” Patton took a shuddering breath as he looked down at the checkered tiles, “Lahash fell with the Morning Star and his grace corrupted and it made him who he is today. A Demon.”

There was a silence that was heavy with unspoken questions, history, and ultimately, pained sorrow. Virgil knew Patton fought demons and devils daily but he didn’t know his...friend was one. He swallowed thickly.

“Are you two...still..” Virgil said, his shoulders tight to brace for the worst, “Married?”

“No, honey.” Patton told him in a gentle voice, “He divorced me that day. I didn’t ever marry another Angel again. My heart wouldn’t be able to take it.” Patton reached up and rubbed a thumb over Virgil’s cheek, “But humanity and their love is so pure and beautiful. Humanity taught me so much over the eons. And you, Virgil,” Virgil leaned into his palm, “don’t know how much your love has saved me.”

“You’re getting sappy, Pat.” Virgil mumbled, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Patton said, his smile wider at the declaration, “You’re the first human I can ever introduce to Lahash. Oh gee, this is exciting! I made him some cookies to entice him here.” Patton kissed him with a loud mwah, “I can’t believe it! He actually came. I wish he had come after I told you all about him. Oh there’s no use for that now. I can still tell you later.”

Virgil let a smile spread on his face, “You’re really happy about an ex-husband. I won’t mind if you take the bat from upstairs and smack him a few times. It’s the human way.”

Patton burst out with a laugh, “Oh, I’m still really mad. But I’m not batshit insane.”

Virgil hummed a light agreement as Patton poked at the cookies to get them into the perfect arrangement. He knew that Patton had a whole list of ex-lovers, but there was something about the jittery way that Patton approached this one that put him on edge. Maybe Virgil was just bias against goddamned demons, or maybe it was just the quiet sad way that Patton talked about this Lahash. Maybe it was his anxiety coming around to make his life hell as usual. Whatever. He was going to keep an eye on this demon just in case.

He had promised to protect the angel as best he could after all.

Virgil hauled himself to his feet and trailed after Patton, shoving his hands in his apron pockets. He smiled softly at the bounce in his fiance’s step as they exited the kitchen and made a beeline for the table with Asshole and The Ex. Or well, Patton made a beeline, and Virgil dragged his feet to delay the inevitable. It would make Patton happy. Patton was excited. It was fine. It was going to be fine.

Virgil looked up to meet the blistering glare of the demon and fought against swallowing in fear.

Maybe now was the time to panic.

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