#ask adam

Ummmm ok so I know I’ve done this a million times and I’m starting to think I might had ADHD or ADD soo… but anyways more ask shit! ask here or straw page :3

About damn time, Lieutenant. Get in here. I was starting to think I’d have to carry this whole glorious operation on my perfect shoulders alone.

Status report, Lute. And make it good.

Adam: Well… I can’t say for sure how it feels. But I can’t imagine it feels good. It’s probably a good thing Alastor was sedated before this all started.

Perfect stage.

She stepped onto the curb with a flourish, boots clicking in time with the rhythm only she could hear. The golden sheen of the Embassy glinted behind her like some unspoken threat and she offered it a mock bow before turning to face the street.

“Ladies, gents, and damned in-between!” she trilled, producing a silk handkerchief from seemingly thin air and twirling it between her gloved fingers. “May I dazzle your doom? Tickle your torment? Perhaps distract you from the celestial snobs inside those gilded walls?”

She launched into a flourish of sleight-of-hand: cards blooming from her hands, a puff of glittery smoke spiraling from her battered wand. A few rubber ducks tumbled from her hat like they’d been trapped in a parallel universe and only just now escaped.

Lapin didn’t care if no one stopped. She just needed someone to look.

And she was going to make damn sure they did. ( @bunbunlapin )

Adam was extremely busy with his very important business matters, such as.. deciding what to watch on Voxtube and how many ribs his assistant needed to cook. Anyway, he's been violently disturbed by some random jerk making a fuss outside the building.

His very reasonable and valid reaction was to initially ask Vienna (who was, in fact, very great at making the impression of a smartass who knows the answer to any fucking thing you can ever ask). Hey bitch, the hell's happening outside? And again. Uh. Buggy tits? And again... Fuck! Vienna??

It seems that she's just not there, boy.

Ugh, shit. I'll fucking get this cunt for this.

Adam gets up from the couch and, as magnificent as a rooster, flies out of the window, landing right in front of Lapin's imaginary scene.

Who the fuck are y-

Oh wait she's hot.

Ahem. Let's start over.

--ooo baby, whatcha doing here? Man, you're so fuckin' loud I heard ya from my office!

He smirks stepping closer.

Lucifer: *folds his hands, wings twitching thoughtfully* If Alastor asked for my blessing… *sighs* I wouldn’t like it. I’d glare. I’d complain. I’d probably threaten him just a little. But… if Abel looked at me and said he loved him? Truly loved him? Then yes. I would give my blessing. Not for Alastor’s sake. For my son’s. I won’t be the one who cages Abel’s happiness.

Adam: *snorts loudly, feet kicked up* Oh hell no. You’re tellin’ me the jazz cannibal wants to put a ring on my kid? I’d laugh in his face.

Lucifer: *side-eyes Adam* That wasn’t the question.

Adam: *rolls his eyes* Yeah, yeah, hypothetical. Fine. If Abel stood there, all stubborn and shiny-eyed, sayin’ “Dad, this is my choice”? … *grits teeth* I’d hate it. But I wouldn’t stop it. Kid finally grew a spine. That’s worth somethin’.

Lucifer: *quietly surprised* Huh.

Adam: Don’t get used to it.

Lucifer: And Charlie?

Adam: *grins cruelly* Oh THIS one’s easy. Vaggie —

Lucifer: *warningly* Adam.

Adam: —ugh, fine. The ex-Exorcist. Would I give my blessing? No. Absolutely not. Do I think it’s hot that she flipped Heaven the bird and ran off with your kid? Yeah. Do I respect her? *shrugs* She can fight. I’ll give her that. But blessing? Nah. She doesn’t want it, and I wouldn’t mean it.

Lucifer: *smiles thinly* Funny thing is… Charlie wouldn’t ask you anyway.

Adam: *laughs* Yeah I mean why would she? I’m not her Dad.

Lucifer: It could be argued that you’re Vagisil’s dad in some way.

Adam: No. That’s not how that works buster. I ain’t her freaking Dad or any of those exorcist’s dad. They were my girls in a more… physical way. Bow chi-cha wow wow

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https://youtu.be/G1C1MFv7CKU?si=Q2ipdlp26eme5rHg

Lucifer: *scrolling through his phone lazily on the couch* “...Oh…”

Adam: *half-dozing in a chair, cracking one eye open* What now?

Lucifer: *turns the screen around, showing a live celestial broadcast from Heaven* Seems one of your old coworkers is… having a bit of a breakdown.

On the screen, Lute — radiant, furious, and unhinged — floated amid the wreckage of what used to be Adam’s quarters. Wings flared, eyes streaming golden light, she was screaming the lyrics to “Gravity.”

Lute: *singing wildly* Eye for an eye says you owe me a debt! 🎶Blood demands blood, gonna get my hands wet! 🎶 The flood's comin' now you can bet on tragedy 🎶 Like gravity! 🎶 *slashes a portrait of Adam clean in half*

Adam: *stares for a long moment before groaning* Oh for fuck’s sake. That’s my *good* room.

Lucifer: *dryly* Correction — *was* your good room.

Adam: * rubs the bridge of his nose, muttering a string of half-hearted curses* Danger Tits always was a drama bomb waiting to blow.

Lucifer: *raises an eyebrow* Danger Tits?

Adam: Nickname. From the old days. She was my lieutenant. Loyal, efficient, and completely terrifying.

Lucifer: *snickering behind his hand* ooohh I remember her. She the ones who cried over your body and is hopelessly infatuated with you.

Adam: *grimacing* Yeah, I noticed. Didn’t act on it though — she’s the type to bite your face off if you blink wrong.

On the screen, Lute is breaking glass and jumping around in the room.

Lucifer: You sure she’s not your type?

Adam: *deadpan* I’m positive. *leans forward, staring at the destruction with reluctant concern* ...Still. She’s losing it ‘cause she thinks I’m dead.

Lucifer: I mean, technically, you are.

Adam: Yeah, but not that dead. *sighs* She deserves better than to go nuts thinking I just croaked for nothing.

Lucifer: *raises a brow, half teasing, half genuine* Thinking of reaching out?

Adam: *shrugs* I guess I should.

Alastor: *from across the room with a faint smirk* Perhaps a radio broadcast, my dear dead angel? A song from the depths to soothe her heartbreak?

Adam: *glares* No one asked you, Bambi.

Alastor: *grinning wider* Oh, but I do so enjoy when you get flustered~

Lucifer: Well, gentlemen, shall we call it irony? Heaven’s falling apart over one sinner’s love life.

Adam: *grumbles, grabbing a drink* Yeah, well… tell Lute to stop wreckin’ the place. I put in a lot of work in that too.

Lucifer: Maybe I’ll send her a postcard. ‘Wish you were here — Hell’s lovely this time of year.’

Adam: *snorts into his drink* You’re an ass.