Let The Broadcast Begin

A joint broadcast by Alastor & Abel. And now featuring Hell’s Newest Rising Star, Audrey!

Abel: I see someone has been studying Hebrew. And please just stick to Abel no one has called me Hevel in years.

Alastor: Yes! I have some questions about your name.

Abel: Uh, okay? Like what?

Alastor: You’re Hebrew name is “Hevel” but when I looked up Lucifer’s name in Hebrew, I found out it’s “Helel.”

Abel: Yeah?

Alastor: that can’t be a coincidence, right?

Abel: They do sound the same and they do only have one ot different —

Alastor: *interrupts* Ot?

Abel: It’s the symbol of the sound. Like… how there are letters in the alphabet. Okay so you know how “Bell” and “Ball” are spelt similar but have one letter different and have different meanings?

Alastor: Yes.

Abel: Well it’s similar to that analogy. Helel and Hevel may look and sound similar in Hebrew, but they do NOT mean the same thing.

Alastor: Who would have thought your father was good at wordplay.

Alastor: Hello my sweet little fawn~ and hello my little ram~

Abel: Good morning Alastor!

Alastor: I have a question for you my dear. When do you celebrate your birthday?

Abel: *blinks* My… birthday?

Alastor: Of course! You do have one, after all you was born!

Abel: I don’t celebrate my birthday.

Alastor: Why not?

Abel: I don’t know when it is. I mean. Calendars weren’t a thing back then. We didn’t have assigned dates as we do now.

Alastor: I suppose that’s fair. But you’ve never celebrated your own birth?

Abel: Nope. But I do know some humans made a feast named after me! Does that count?

Alastor: For the sake of this conversation, yes.

Abel: Yippee! *claps his have’s quietly as Audrey is still in front of him* Did you hear that Audi? Your Papa has a “birthday.”

Audrey: *has no idea what’s happening but giggles with her Papa*

Alastor: So what day is the celebration of your birth now?

Abel: On Earth, Catholics would celebrate “St. Abel’s Day” on January 2nd!

Alastor: *is stunned* Oh really? Interesting.

Abel: Why is that?

Alastor: My birthday is January 1st!

Abel: Awww a New Year’s Baby! That’s so cool!

Alastor: Already?! But she’s so young!

Audrey: Awo-oh-Awo-oh-Awo-oh-Awo-oh

Audrey has learned the skill: “make noise with mouth”

Alastor: Well those are certainly sounds she has learned to make.

Treating them like a person is pretty much enough to get them on your side.

Abel: Really?! Do the Sins and my Dad think so little of their own people?

Lucifer: Now to be fair… I created the Ars Goetia. The bird ones. And I don’t treat them poorly.

Alastor: No. They treat others poorly they outrank the majority of the Hellborn population.

Lucifer: Yeah well… I didn’t create the hierarchy! I just sit at the top of it!

Abel: *confused* Uh… papa? Didn’t you literally create hell?

Lucifer: Yeah. A mistake I’ve never been able to live down…

Abel: So that means everything and everyone here are you people. You should be more considerate.

Lucifer: Abel. My sweet innocent angel, you had only been down here for a year, you still don’t understand how things are ran down here. And much like sinners, Hellborns don’t really care about hierarchy. They give us the same amount of respect as sinners do your sister. And she’s nothing but sweet and giving!

Abel: They still deserve our attention and care…

Lucifer: You’re wasting your time Abel. Just… please believe me when I tell you to not bother them. They have their own lives and many have settled and have gotten used to it. No need to fix what isn’t broken.

Abel: *looks away, unsure* I can’t just ignore those who need help and I can do something about it.

Lucifer: *sighs* I hate to say this Abel. But if you anything to cause trouble or stir up any issues than it’s not me that you have to deal with. It’s the Sins. And not all of them even deal with their own subjects. Just, please don’t worry about it Abel. Okay?

Abel: *looks defeated* I won’t cause you trouble. I promise.

Lucifer: *smiles and hugs his son* That’s my boy.

Abel: *looks at Alastor over Lucifer’s shoulder, and seeing the disappointment in his smile and eyes made Abel feel worse*

Abel: *overhears* Husk! I didn’t know you can sing!

Husk: *drops the glass, spooked* What the shit?!

Abel: Sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you! But you just gave me a really great idea!

Husk: Idea for what?

Abel: I wanna surprise Alastor with a nice dinner!

Husk: Okay? I’m not much of a cook.

Abel: Oh no no no! You wouldn’t be cooking.

Husk: Then.. what would I be doing?

Alastor: I mean, you make do with whatever position you’re in.

Reference to previous post

Abel: *shocked* Me? A champion? Oh no no no no! Of course not! *feels incredibly awkward* I’m just a guy! Really!

Alastor: My husband is so modest. It’s still utterly adorable. *walks over with Audrey in his arms* Mon Cher you do understand that as prince of hell you have a duty to your people now.

Abel: I do?! B-but I thought Charlie—

Alastor: She’s focusing on the sinners. Ironically enough she is Hellborn. She should be trying to get to the hearts of those who are like her… though I suppose no one is quite like her.

Abel: Yeah. Charlie is amazing.

Alastor: *sighs lightly* She does imminent a positive attitude in such a dreary place as Hell. Though she only focuses on Sinners. No one is helping those who are Hellborn.

Abel: *lowers his head* Yeah… that’s right. I feel bad not being able to do more for them.

Alastor: But you can.

Abel: Really? Do you really think I can be a voice for them? Even though I was born on Earth and had always been an arch angel.

Alastor: Well if a Hellborn Prince can inspire sinners to be better and redeem themselves, why can’t a Fallen Angel help those who truly need it?

Abel: *flustered but that logic does make sense* I… never thought of it like that.

Alastor: *grin widens* Trust me my dear. This won’t just benefit those born here, it’ll be beneficial to our daughter, who will one day wear a crown of her own. And she’ll have two positive role models to learn from.

Abel: *eyes start to water* Wow… thank you Alastor for saying that. I should step up! *hugs him and kisses his cheek* Thank you for being such a inspiration and supportive partner. I love you Alastor.

Alastor: *eyes soften* And I you…

Audrey: *starting to get fussy*

Alastor: Oh my. Looks like daddy’s little audio is raising her volume!

Abel: She’s probably hungry. Here. I can take her to get her bottle.

Alastor: *gently passes Audrey to his husband* Here you go. I’ll stay behind and tidy up a bit. Don’t want to leave the studio in such a mess!

Alastor: *a tad annoyed*

Abel: I… Why was it sent by a chair?

Alastor: I swear to — *groans* This has Vox written all over it

Abel: How?

Alastor: When I had willingly given myself over to Vox (before we even met) I was tied up in a rolling chair for days being rolled around, dragged to literally everything that bastard was doing.

Abel: Oh my. I’m sorry you went through all of that.

Alastor: Ya know it wasn’t that bad considering I thought he was going to do worse.

Abel: Worse?! Like what?!

Alastor: *whispers it in Abel’s ear*

Abel: *blinks but goes very quiet*

Though you might want to make sure the condom isn’t punctured next time.

Abel: My bad… I should have noticed…

Alastor: *hugs Abel* Darling, you are fine. We just have to be more prepared for the next time.

Abel, you and Alastor are gonna have to get plan B before you become pregnant again.

Abel and Alastor: *blink in unison* What’s Plan B?

Goddammit, Charlie.

Charlie: What?? I gave them protection!