#ascensionism

"I— I still cling to the familiarity of my humanity," he choked out, feeling hot shame rising in himself. How filthy and debauched he must look to these gods, who were pure, had been stripped of this baser, animal instinct.

His stomach twisted as he felt vestiges of their disgust bleeding over to him. He swallowed back the too-sweet saliva filling his mouth as he stared at the gold-flecked stone floor, silently begging for a mercy he did not deserve and would never receive.

"And?" Death's voice had become even quieter, if that were possible.

He dared to look up in her direction.

Death had not turned back to face him. She looked smaller than normal, with her shoulders curled inwards, her head bowed. She did not look at all how he had anticipated and every atom of his wretched being longed to run to her, to wrap his arms around the goddess and hold her near, till she looked more like herself, instead of this colorless, muted version of her.

"And I— I do not know if I will ever change." His voice cracked on the last word and it ripped a hole in reality itself.

He could have fought it. Turned his natural instinct to flee off, as he had practiced so often.

But he did not. He allowed the void between atoms and moments and universes to swallow him whole. And he pulled Death after himself.

She did not react to the space between as most would. Rather, she stayed silent, curling in on herself, and not uttering a sound.

"I'm sorry." The words were ragged, torn from his chest like a half-sob, half-prayer.

"For what?" Death finally looked at him and he loathed himself in that instant.

There was pain in her eyes. He'd thought before that something about her seemed older than time itself, that she carried a weight far greater than the universe. And now? Now, the melancholy that tinged her eyes had bloomed into a full-on tragedy. There was sorrow etched onto her face, a sorrow greater than any he had ever felt.

But there was not hatred or loathing, and for that, he detested himself all the more.

"For—" his throat closed off on the words. He revulsed himself with the depth of his own sin. "For daring to fall in love with you."