#aroqueer

I think our system broadly came to the conclusion that we were neither "totally" aroace nor alloaro, and there really... wasn't a comfortable label between that. there is, for example, aromid (or acemid, or amid), but that implied a... more stable "middle ground" than our experiences. for the most part, being aromantic was the important part for us - and that we do not label ourselves as asexual. the ace community just... never fit us. maybe it's better now, but we don't particularly have an attachment to it. we decided we didn't solely fit into allo or ace, and kinda eliminated that from the framework of identities we looked at.

note, I think plurality played a role in our personal identification of a term for the collective system as well. we all have slightly different ways of defining ourselves, and at some point, we threw in the towel around how to present our identity when acting as a singlet (since lets be real... people are not good with plurality IRL). all we knew was: we're aro, that's important to us, and we want something that there's a hope of a chance to say in non-aro communities and be understood.

when we were looking, it was around a period where a few aro blogs were talking about similar "I'm not aroace or alloaro or aromid/acemid/amid" experiences. the main ones we recall were primearo, archaro, and "just aro". prime aro was founded on the idea of aromanticism as the "primary" identity, but that felt a little too... rigid of a word for us. it wasn't bad, and it fit, but it was like wearing clothes that had an itchy tag, you know? archaro had a similar experience - the phrasing coming from the aro label "overarching" the rest of the experience. It sounded better to us as a label, but not as a way of explaining it. we were... just... aromantic and screw the rest.

one other thing we'd considered: aroqueer. we still are pretty fond of it as a microlabel, but it's in the sense of something we wear in a locket around our throat more than the way we present ourselves. we're queer in an aromantic way. our overall experience of queerness is so inseparable from aromanticism that it feels like a lie if there's a space and people call us aromantic and queer. and of course, aromanticism is queer, but we mean the "specific" label of being queer as an identity. I don't think we find this comfortable to explore as a term in broader queer spaces, but among aro folks, we do use the term. for us, we consider it part of being "just aro".

I would not have half of the positive relationship I have with my orientation if it wasn't for the rage, the joys and the loudness of our demographic; It gives me hope every time I see aroallos, non-SAM aros, aroqueer etc being open and raw and proud, knowing that somewhere it will always make someone else realise they're not alone and that there's pride to be had in being and feeling seen.

aroallos

non-sam aros

neuaros

aroqueers

arovoids

your aromantic experience is still so important even with and because of it's lack on connection to asexuality <2

you don't care if it'll be romantic, queerplatonic, alterous or any other type? wonderful 🤍

you don't have to put a label on it if you don't want to ⚘

you just want to be together with the person's company you enjoy? incredible 🥰

Hi!

The definition of aroqueer is "an identity for anyone on the aro spectrum whose aromanticism is the most prominent or most well understood part their orientation".

In other words, an aromantic person who feels that aromanticism is the most important part of their identity, while the rest is something they can just describe as queer. Maybe they just don't know how to describe their orientation other than aromantic, maybe they could further define their orientation but they don't want to. An aroqueer person is someone whose aromanticism is fundamental part of their queerness, and the two things cannot be divided.

Unfortunately I can't find a lot of material on it aside from what's around on tumblr, and even that isn't much. It's a new-ish label I believe, and not very known yet. The term was coined by @autcore, so taking a look through xyr blog might help.

Hey there, I've been thinking about how to answer this since I got it.

In honesty, I coined aroqueer so I didn't have to think about this stuff anymore. My experience with orientation and attraction is personal, so what I say won't be something you can apply to yourself, at least not directly.

I'm going to try and answer both things I think you could be asking: "what does it feel like to be aroqueer?", and "what do you feel like that made you coin aroqueer?"

What does it feel like to be aroqueer? There isn't one defining aroqueer experience. To be aroqueer simply means you're on the aromantic spectrum (anywhere) and identify as queer wholly or partially because of that. Saying you're aroqueer is saying "I'm aro, that makes me queer, and I don't have to explain any more than that." My intention with aroqueer was to make a label that would do the following things:

Prioritise people's aromanticism (as it is often erased, even within aspec spaces)

Acknowledge people's queerness

Highlight the inherent queerness of aromantic experiences (many aro experiences involve rejecting heteronormativity and amatonormativity, there is also a frankly massive proportion of trans and nonbinary folk within the aro community)

What do I feel like that made me coin aroqueer? I'm autistic, and romance is a social construct, so I don't see it or buy into it the way allistic/neurotypical folk do. Previously I've used terms like aroflux, arovague, and greyromantic to describe my experience but none of them really worked for me because just when I thought I'd nailed down my labels, something would change. I gave up trying to find a way of accurately describing the intricacies of my orientation and instead chose to make a term that was as broad as I could make it while still describing the essence of what I was feeling.

I hope this helps! Being aroqueer is different for everyone, but if you're on the arospec and feel like that's a queer experience for you, then you meet the definition of aroqueer, whether or not you choose to use it. Feel free to ask more if you have any more questions.