#aroallo problems

I hate how because I no longer have a car, and because I’m not working due to recovering from top surgery, that I am so absolutely isolated.

I hate how hard it has became to make friends. Genuine on god friends. I’ve done the dating apps thing because I wanted friends and also was just horny. I have started to realize now, after a couple of months that the only people consistently talking to me are people who just ask for new nudes and shit and tbh I’m too physically and mentally drained for it. I have like one or two actual friends that I made via dating apps but they don’t live in consistent hang out distance driving wise, much less in atp just what I can do with my electric wheelchair. Like it has gotten to the point to where I was willing to let some fucking 40 year old cis dude fuck me just to feel something. I’ve had people pressure me a lot into trying to touch myself out in public when I didn’t feel comfortable. Way too many people are willing to ignore my few hard nos for kink.

I’ve tried making friends irl as well but it’s been a fucking nightmare. I go to my classes at my local community college. I strike up a conversation, bond a little, offer my discord. It works! I talk on and off with them for a couple of weeks. They go quiet. I reach out a couple of weeks later just to check since I get it burn out or whatever and then it’s just. Ghosted.

I have my two roommates and I really appreciate them, but sometimes I just feel like a third wheel even tho one is my best friend and rhe other is my queer platonic partner. I mean my best friend is also my ex fiancé and is monogomus and does have a crush on my qpp but yeah.

It just sucks. I want a friend group so bad. My QPP’s friends came over for a couple of days and rhat was the happiest I had been in ages no mental health meds required.

I just. I just want fucking friends rhat I can be in person with and game and play board games and go thrifting with and have that consistently. I want a friend group. Idk what to do. All of my friend making strategies as an autisic person have gone out the window. My pins and keychains I would use to signal my interests and fandoms and chase away apolitical people? They’re gone now- completely burnt after a car fire. I don’t have money, I don’t have a way to get around and the public tranist here is actual garbage and costs money as well.

I yearn for human connection but alas I’m aromantic, and disabled, and political and live in an area with poor infrastructure and fuck idk if I’m even going to be able to return back to work atp. I’m so scared of being homeless but my body is just. Not doing anything anymore. My PT suspects ME/CFS and it keeps getting worse and worse and I just. I want a life back. I finally live on my own. And all I do is lay in bed and be in pain. Fuck this man I hate this.

I will say if you would be willing to, I do have a GoFundMe going to help me get a wheelchair accessible van and to cover some costs of living and would really appreciate it if you donated or shared.