Thinking about an aroace court Wizard in one of those really horny classic feudal/fantasy settings that I've seen around town. To the left of them, the incredibly loyal himbo Knight is letting his lips linger on the King's seal way too long. To the right, one of the noblewoman's maids is very clearly taking every opportunity to fix her Lady's hair, jewellery, clothing. And the Wizard is just sat there thinking "the Witch in the woods makes great stew. I wish these people would get around to retiring today's court shenanigans and go back to dogging in their quarters so we can go and chat about the local wyrm population in peace".
The king doesn't really get the whole "I don't want any partner, sexually or romantically" thing- of course he doesn't- so he keeps appointing young twink apprentices or curious maidens to their tower, only to consistently find out that the Wizard has maintained a healthy and professional relationship with each and every one of them.
Once, the court Wizard was delivering a healing ointment to an injured Knight (not the King's "favourite", but a less powerful one without personal attendants to courier deliveries for him). They opened the woefully unlocked door, after hearing no movement behind it when knocking, hoping to just drop the ointment off and be on their way. Alas, they walked straight into a rather active scene- with the court Jester sat on top of the Knight. What's worse was the Jester tried to get the wizard involved. No shame whatsoever! The Witch in the forest made jingling noises to make fun of the Wizard every time they visited for weeks afterwards.
The King notices that the Wizard always goes to the Witch's hut in the woods and thinks that maybe the two might be "together". It seems obvious! The Witch has a long history of lost woodsmen "wandering" upon her hut and being turned away with a flick of the wand, or village maidens being offered up in supplication in the hopes of the witch helping with illness or a bad harvest (despite the villagers being told by him that he's happy to help them with no strings attached because she's not evil he just hates most social contact).
So he sends off his loyal Knight to go and investigate. The Knight hides in some foliage near the hut on a warm day, hoping to catch the pair in a loving embrace (really he's picturing exactly how he would embrace his King in that situation, and is blushing under his helmet). However, all he finds are the court Wizard and the forest Witch sat across from eachother, playing invisible chess and eating wild-garlic bread and gossiping about the suspicious new foreign Prince- that has come to take the Princess's hand in marriage- who looks just like the village baker's son. The only touch they make is when they both reach for the last piece of garlic bread, which the Witch immediately retracts her hand from and offers it to the Wizard, wiping his fingers on a napkin.
And so, the Knight goes home with nothing to report, and the Witch and Wizard continue with their beautiful, sexless, romanceless lives, and the Wizard suffers through more unsubtle, tasteless and outright cringe shows of barely concealed depravity and infuriatingly badly coordinated romances.
