#aro intersectionality

aroaceingit (she/they) wrote about how her/their aromanticism intersects with her/their disabilities and how this can make it hard to function. She/they expresses, “it’s also very hard for me to picture any future that doesn’t have me feeling and functioning the way I do now. And for that reason, I am afraid to be alone.”  

Isaac (he) at Mundo Heterogéneo discusses a couple of intersectionalities, such as cultural background, gender identity, and relationship cardinality. He ends with expressing, “What I expect from a community about its intersections is to follow the Latin proverb “primum non nocere,” first not to harm.”   

Temple Dragon (they/them) wrote about disability inclusion. They describe ways in which we can improve accessibility and better include those with disabilities. As a call to action, they ask us to “Please keep access features that became widespread during the pandemic going after it’s subsided, and continue to End Ableism.” 

Jason W./DerelictSpectre (he/him) shared his experiences in the aro community, specifically that of being Black (and South Asian). He ends with imploring “all nonblack aros and even other members of the LGBTQ+ community to educate themselves on black history, and remember to listen, uplift, support, and protect your fellow black members of the LGBTQ+ community.” 

Mesotablar the Apathetic Echidna (she/her) discusses how US culture has been dominating aromantic spaces and how this can affect how content and resources are shaped. She leaves us with some good questions: “What of the people making discoveries now? people from countries where the framework is not yet established? Will they see these resources as International or American?“ 

bedlaminthebigtop Part 1 writes about how essential intersectionality is, how POC are an integral part of the community, and that we need to stop conflating the aromantic community with being Western and White. “To all white aro people/organisations: Stop upholding whiteness as the default. That's not a real default, that's all you. It's manufactured. It's white supremacist. Stop making your activism and your resources and your education and your teams white-centric. Stop assuming that the community is white. Stop conceptualising the target audience of aromantic community resources as white. Your whiteness is not universal.” 

bedlaminthebigtop Part 2 details how amatonormativity intersects with white supremacy, specifically with regards to selective prohibition vs. promotion of marriage. The numerous ways marriage and amatonormativity are used as a white supremacist tool of oppression and coercion is discussed. “Marriage is, historically and contemporarily, a way to force BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ folks to assimilate into white bourgeois norms of monogamy and gender roles. So go on, keep fucking pretending that intersectionality is optional and marriage will save the LGBTQIA+ community.” As a last point, the absolute necessity of intersectionality is stressed.

I (graces-of-luck; she/ey) wrote about how my Latine heritage intersects with my aromanticism and express how the dominant Whiteness in the aromantic community has affected the development of my aromantic identity. “It’s been a process for me to discover what a Latine version of my aromanticism would be. I don’t know yet what that is, to be honest.”  I hope for more dialogue on intimacy and relationships that are culturally diverse and for more stories from Latine aros. 

CharCharChar (they/them) discussed how they are approaching making their local ace and aro group more inclusive and what concrete steps White people can take to do this. They provide some helpful resources and concludes with “Do the thing. Listen. Ask for help. Keep trying.”

Violet (she/they) wrote about how the pandemic has given her/them a lot of time to think, in which she/they questioned not only her/their gender but her/their political beliefs. She/they expressed the importance of solidarity and ended with “It’s time to stop letting our ignorance divide us.“

While there is much room for improvement, I’m inspired by the possibilities of making our aromantic community more inclusive, of lifting each other up as we experience multiple identities, and expanding the meaning and experience of what it is to be aromantic.

A Google Docs version is available for better readability here.

As aromantics, we can be marginalized. Thanks to the efforts of many in the aromantic community, activism has been increasing visibility and awareness of aromanticism and pushing towards community building and organization. However, we can also have other marginalized identities that intersect with our aromanticism or influence the way we experience it. “We do not live single issue lives,” as Audre Lord put it. The past year, aro(ace) organizations have released statements regarding racism and diversity, signaling an increasing awareness of tackling racial justice in aromantic spaces, but it is just the beginning. Additionally, there are other marginalized groups that need to be included when discussing diversity. An intersectional standpoint is therefore necessary for reaching collective justice and creating a community that is for all of us. 

Should there be space for intersectionality and social/collective justice in aromantic organizations and communities? What are the experiences of aromantics who experience marginalization in other areas of their lives, and how can we make sure that everyone has a space in the aromantic community?

General

Do you feel that other marginalized identities are sufficiently represented/uplifted by the aromantic community and organizations? What has been your experience? What could be improved?

Do you think aromantic organizations and communities should be held accountable for being inclusive of other identities? Do you think aromantic organizations and communities have a responsibility to upholding social justice in the aromantic community? What could be done better here?

Race/Ethnicity and Culture

Aromanticism and asexuality are often seen as “White” identities, and generally BIPOC* and/or Hispanic/Latine* people do not always feel welcome in queer/LGBTQIA+ spaces. If you are BIPOC, AAPI, and/or Hispanic/Latine, do you feel comfortable and/or welcomed in aromantic spaces? What are your experiences in the aromantic community? Do you feel that there is space for you to express your aromantic identity in a way that reflects your racial/ethnic background?

The aromantic community can also be US-centric and Westernized. For those who are outside of the US or within the US but have non-Western backgrounds, do you feel there is a space for non-Western cultures and heritages in aromantic spaces? What about for religions that are not Christianity? What are your experiences? Do you feel that there is space for you to express your aromantic identity in a way that reflects your culture/heritage and/or religion?

Neurodivergence, Disability, and Physical and Mental Illness

Many aromantics are also neurodivergent, disabled, and/or experience mental and physical illnesses. If you are neurodivergent and/or disabled and/or experience mental and physical illness, do you feel comfortable and/or welcomed in aromantic spaces? What are your experiences? Do you feel that there is space for you to express your aromantic identity in a way that reflects your lived experience as a neurodivergent/disabled/”ill”** person?

Other Queer Identities

Do you identify with other non-arospec queer identities (sexual/romantic orientation and gender) in addition to aromantic? Do you feel comfortable and/or welcomed in aromantic spaces? Do you feel that there is space for you to discuss and share how your other queer identities impacts your aromanticism?

General Intersectionality

How do your different identities intersect? Are there other marginalized groups or identities that intersect with your aromanticism that are not recognized? How does this influence your experience?

Allies

If you don’t experience other forms of marginalization, do you find it important to uplift voices of aromantics from other marginalized groups? How can you help to make the aromantic community more inclusive to your fellow aromantics who experience other forms of marginalization?

Notes:

*BIPOC means Black, Indigenous, and People of Color and can encompass a wide group of Indigenous, Black, and Brown folks as well as Asian (AAPI) peoples. BIPOC is not to say that all marginalized people of color share the same experiences or that they can be lumped together, however. I’ve separated Hispanic/Latine because some Hispanic/Latine people are White or White-passing, but they do not necessarily share the same privilege as White Americans or White Europeans, for example.

**I use ill with quotation marks here because illness, especially mental illness, can be socially constructed and people can have different relationships with the term- some embrace it and use the label whereas others do not.

How to Participate

Write a blog post or create content related to the theme- any platform is acceptable as long as it is public and has a link. 

Then, submit the link to me through Tumblr, Discord (gracesofluck#9245), or email ([email protected]). You’re also welcome to post the link in this thread on Arocalypse. 

If you don’t have a place to post your own work, you can email it to me or submit it directly to my Tumblr, and I will host it for you on my Tumblr. 

If you would like me to include particular pronouns or (user)names with your submission post in the round-up, please let me know.

Deadline and Round-up

Please submit your posts by Wednesday, March 31st. I plan to release the round-up on Thursday, April 1st.

Additionally, AUREA will be taking points from this Carnival of Aros to learn more about the experiences and needs of marginalized aros as they mention in this month’s What’s Going On.

Latine culture can have a rather strict view on marriage and children (especially in more conservative/religious populations). Getting married and having children is just something you do. It’s a duty. Depending on how strict it is, romance and attraction can be considered secondary (although I do see that changing). In a way, there is no romantic (or sexual) orientation because it doesn’t matter. Gay? Lesbian? Bi? Pan? Aro? Doesn’t matter, you still get married to someone of the “opposite” sex and have children. You might be queer, but it’s not something you do or act on. When I was a minor, dating was strictly prohibited in my household. The parents of my Latine peers were also often rather strict about dating, especially with girls. After I became an adult, my parents started pressuring me into dating but with the express purpose of getting married, not necessarily for “finding the love of my life” or for the purpose of romance. Saying things like “I’m not interested in dating or in romantic relationships” were often met with looks of “alright, and…?” Saying “I don’t want to get married and have kids” is what caught their attention.

I grew up with my parents telling me that family is the most important thing because you can’t rely on friends. “When you get older, your husband is going to be the only person you trust, and you can’t ever let friends interfere in that.” Now, an important detail. We are religious cult survivors. So it’s difficult for me to disentangle how much of this is due to distrust from trauma and being programmed (cults often program you to be insular and cut others out) and how much of it is due to amatonormativity and the cultural view on marriage. We are also immigrants, and marriage is often seen as a necessary (financial) safety net, so that could be a factor there too.

With all this, I find it difficult to come out to my family, not only because of potential backlash, but because… how do I even explain to them what a romantic orientation is? They’re aware that there are gay people, for instance, but to them that’s not an orientation. They would have to understand that 1) it is possible to be something other than straight, 2) it’s not a “lifestyle choice”, and 3) not being straight is not a consequence of trauma or abuse or mental illness. So I find often that coming out guidelines don’t really work for me because of this. Coming out as aromantic is already difficult because explaining aromanticism can be an ordeal in and of itself. In my case, I would have to start from the very beginning. Not to mention that the process and expectations of coming out are in some ways dominated by Whiteness.

One thing that was complicated in my aromantic journey is the differences in intimacy in Latine culture and in American culture, where I primarily grew up. For example, physical intimacy and affection are much more common and prevalent amongst family members and friends in Latine culture. In America, this is often reserved for romantic relationships. I am a physically affectionate person. Living in the US, you can guess the issues this brought. There has been growing acceptance of physical affection in friendship in American society, but it is frustrating to see how physical affection and other forms of intimacy are often considered romantic. This occurs even in the aromantic community sometimes, although much less so and I would say there is much more understanding that various forms of intimacy can occur in friendship. But it is sometimes odd for me when something I’d consider typical intimacy in friendship, such as physical intimacy, gets potentially labeled as sensual attraction. It would be great to see discussions on intimacy and relationships across cultures.