#ap everything

so yeah

I got my schedule today

Blessed and busy (:

So I was a TA for summer school. I helped out Sra. Lau with her Spanish 5-6 class. I figured it was a good idea to keep the Spanish in my head from going stagnant over the summer. Met some lovely people, some not so lovely also. I went over 100 hours of community service as a TA. I liked watching the rhythm of school life from a short distance.

As a just-in-case-I-don't-go-over-100-hours-as-a-TA and also to pretty up for college apps, I decided to volunteer at Glendale Adventist. I only have about 20 hours right now, so unfortunately I'll have to keep volunteering into the first few months of school until I get to the minimum 50 hours >< It's easy and light work though. I didn't get my blood work in time, so I couldn't do nursing or anything like that. I get to work in the gift shop. It's really dull but at least I'm not burdened with heavy work. It's also good practice for someone super shy like me to learn to interact with people like our customers. 

I've honestly had a bit of a rough patch with my boyfriend recently. People might see us together and think we're cute and so perfect together, but in reality we are pretty different people. Our personalities just clash with a bang. For example, I like being different from him because there's so much more to learn and more tiny struggles and I like playfighting and competing lightly like puppies...but he wants perfect harmony between us, talking about the same things, liking the same things, absolutely no struggle. I like the struggle, I like the idea of growing that way. He just wants a smooth ride down the relationship. I don't know. We're trying. 19 months is a lot to let go of. It's not like the love is gone or anything, the passion is still there...but can people as different as we are still be friends?

In July I went on the Steubenville AZ retreat with Holy Family LifeTeen. It was truly an amazing experience. Packed in this huge auditorium with the deafening music, and God's presence truly there with the thousands of Catholic teens just praising Him...I just cannot describe it with words and give it justice. Being there allowed me to reevaluate where I was going with my life, and what my real motives were. I not only met some awesome people, but Steubenville reminded me that the path I needed to take was still waiting for me.

Throughout the summer, the GUSD Network of Christian clubs held weekly meetings for organization and armoring, etc. At first I was like "who the heck are these people" but over time as we shared in worship, I feel like I really got to know them a little better. 

I just got back from a two day leadership retreat for the above network, and that was a scary beautiful experience. While we were there, we bared ourselves of our struggles, and mine was just...hard to let go of. I was honestly thinking of just saying something light like "ohh I'm a pretty jealous person" or "I struggle with laziness" because you know, those are the safe responses. But I just couldn't, I knew that all my flaws stem from this one particular struggle...so I went on and said it. It was tough. Sometimes I question whether or not I should have said anything of it. But it feels good to know that I'm not on my own with this. I now have people to keep me accountable, to pray for me regarding this thorn in my flesh, to remind me that healing is possible. 

College apps suddenly materialized into a tangible and formidable foe. I'm so lazy, I don't wanna write essays >< I've actually had problems thinking about what to write for my personal statement, but I've decided that I want to write about my walk with God. I know religion is a touchy topic in the world of college apps, but I feel that if I wrote about anything else, I'd be lacking in passion and have to bs some paragraphs.

LifeTeen Club on the other hand has been stressing me out. Even though both Christian Club and LifeTeen Club are Christian, the former has been so much more organized. I'm trying to salvage LifeTeen Club. It has not been so good in recent years, and God has called on my in my weakness and fear to prophesy to our campus and bring LifeTeen back >< I'm lacking in officers. There's a president, a secretary, and an intercessor, but I still need a vice president...no one wants to step up because they think the work is too much for a club that will fail anyway... God, I lay down this burden, for I cannot fix everything with my own will and strength. I can't, Lord but you can.  

And then school starts tomorrow. I have Econ (first semester), AP Statistics, AP English Lit, AP Psychology, AP Spanish Lit, and Acapella choir. I'm mainly scared for AP English Lit because Ciotti and she hates me with a fiery passion and I haven't really developed my writing skills or my vocabulary since I had her sophomore year because I wasn't able to take AP Lang because she refused to recommend me... I still need to talk to Jarvis and ask if a 4 on the AP Spanish Lang exam is enough to bump my B in the class up to an A. I get to bring Tristan (formerly known as shoti, my little cousin/bro/whatever) who is an incoming sophomore and a transfer from where...Cathedral HS I think? I get to give him a tour, tell him where not to go, introduce him to good people... Also as a Link Leader I get to give freshmen directions. And my Link kids! I've decided I'm giving them cookies and a note from me celebrating their first day of high school (:

I completely bombed the AP Calculus Exam. Completely.

Oddly, I felt really confident on the no calculator parts.

But the rest was horrible.

So, I was in a bad mood all day.

Except that I really like this guy, who also happens to be my boyfriend, but I digress, and I hung out with him like 80% of today.

We went to Waffle House, and took an AP test, and I hung out in his class a little while. We also stayed after for reviewing.

And I'm really happy. :)