#annytyx

The more I uncover

something inside me stares back -

I recognize the Other.

she’s been sitting in Shadow

veiled in dust

living beside her are dreams we have lost

How far is the fall from the height of happiness ?

How sharp and steep the steps

from Failure?

When digging through the memories

orphaned by my mind

water pouring,

down drowning the sound

of my slips, my stumbles.

I remember a forgotten time ...

I hollow out again this place of pain

So there will be Void to break

and light to scream

Making force and fulcrum shake

Fathom the rumble

of our ruins

echo resounding in lost remains

Reverberating each vertebrae -

as if unbreaking time,

cracking,

upheaving,

weaving,

and light streaming

My blue shadow form her magenta veins creating the violet

A dream ~

All is white. Im ten

I’m in pastel

Pastel lavender

A periwinkle pink. Two toned

A half pointed crown sits on top

of my short

dirty blonde mop

of hair

I beckon to him coquettishly.

Head flipped to one side, teeth bared

He follows me Up the stairs

The doors are old many paned,

dark -though plenty of light gets through,

the field of vision always scattered,

fractured different hues

I turn My cherub face with rosy pink cheeks

And

I say:

“Look at me

Father used to fuck me five times A day and now. It’s maybe twice a week.

Garbage>

I have to put this on my face. I have to put it on. On. on my face My Face my face my face.put it on.

Father says to be a good girl.

But

When I look in this mirror

I see...

Everyone else

Yet I hear-

Good girl”

I pull it Out and rub aggressively... possessivly it glitters. Every color. Gold and blue- But never that pastel hue.

I look back.

I say in my angelic voice

matter of fact

“Mother knows of course. So do those girls there ”

I point outside the fractured doors. As if any of us ever had a voice

Those splintered doors. Just scream beware. To be inside is a protection in way but never a choice

I’m 16. Standing in a room.

Dressed in vivid red chiffon dirty blond hair has gotten a bit long

my lips like a rose petal bloom

he’s there

he-of course- had never left that fractured room

We dance. Round and round

dizzy feeling giddy

Water droplets fall from the sky. And I say why ?

can’t holidays be when I

want them. We can only smoke here. No drinking.

I’m in a claw foot tub it’s a celebration

Drinking

filled with my blood. As I cut another slice of skin off of my arm

I tell him. He is so virile. No need for alarm

The water reddish becomes viscous and darker

I peel back my layers

It doesn’t hurt at all.

“It doesn’t matter that it wasnt me you sought after”

I said.

There are always younger prettier girls

And if you don’t want me. Even like Him ... Then chose who you want. You deserve it.

You’re handsome, I’ll help you preserve it.

Another piece of me slumps into the pile on the floor. Plop. Like thoughts on a whim as I would sip a drink or swim

I know

I must feed the dogs later. I think

I’m standing at the doorway. A dress, in all black

We are singing a song.

A melody of freedom. I do not know the words

To me it sounds more of an elegy

And I d rather dream of heaven and the garden of eden

The Many paned black door opens

He walks through.

I am already skinless

my teeth white and bared

my head lulls to one side

I know I have not been spared

But please

Follow me

Come inside

Don’t be timid

I’ll show you the secrets