#anactoria

My family and friends, to whom I've been out for a couple of years, have mostly been accepting and nice. However, I can't easily discuss my queerness with anyone in my life because it is entirely centered around masturbation and sexual arousal. I don't have crushes, I don't date and don't particularly want to, I've never had sex and I doubt I'll ever build a family the way my relatives seem to expect. As a result, I tend to see myself as a pervert whenever I'm attracted to someone irl, and I avoid mentioning that I'm gay to people who don't already know for fear of either being perceived as a freak or as fake because I have nothing to show for it.

Romantic queer fluff to me can feel good at first, but often eventually transforms into fomo and self-loathing for not fitting into the story: not experiencing romantic feelings the way the characters seem to, having poor social skills and not looking the part.

But within stories (and fandoms) like Hannibal that feature queer love that doesn't fall within the mainstream framework of romance or ethics, set on a background of murder, I find every corner of my mind to be acceptable and true. They provide me with a vast alternative mental space to engage with, discover or observe aspects of my psyche (not limited to queerness, as the need to single it out vanishes, though it remains inherent), free of the need to mold myself into a predetermined image. In relation to this media, the secrecy is reframed from that of alienation to that of uniqueness, and with narratives to fall back on, I feel more able to face the world.

The following screenshots also articulate my feelings wonderfully:

So I google Silos AO3 and a Destiel fanfic by anactoria called Clean Air comes back. Which is what I read.

So I read a fanfic like 9 years ago that was so good my brain has that scene burned into it and it was based on the Wool trilogy by Hugh Howey (which I’ve not read). And now Silos is based on the Wool trilogy.

I’ve gone back into my archives and these are my fav all-things-Halloween fics from the past! (This is list is both too long but also probably missing great fics)

👻 👻 👻

The Haunting of 221B Baker Street by earlgreytea68

In which Sherlock Holmes is a ghost. ~10.5k

The Ichor of Talos by Nikoshinigami

Going to be published as a book, link unavailable now - I’m still going to rec it though! After being falsely convicted of the murder of Sherlock Holmes, Dr. John Watson is sentenced to confinement and the constant companionship of a hologram of his victim. ~60k

the shape of the shadows that detach from the walls by wendlaa

Sherlock hasn't met John yet and dies, becoming a ghost. One day in the After he meets John & realises he can see him. ~13.5k

💀 💀 💀

Slender: However Improbable by philalethea

Six months after The Fall, John is falling apart. A tall, thin man in a black suit begins follow him. Creepy. ~33.5k

The Halloween Party by XistentialAngst

Sherlock and John attend a Halloween party on the trail of a vampire killer -- Sexy costumes, bad puns, danger, sex in hidden places. ~19k

The Curious Wine by songlin

John is a werewolf, Sherlock is a vampire, Sherlock in 'charge' of making sure John behaves when he turns. ~15k

Johnloctober (Chapter 1: As You Wish) by prettysailorsoldier

Sherlock and John at a Halloween party, previously met at a coffee shop, they end up playing seven minutes in heaven  ~6.5k

Mary by kinklock

Based on Rebecca. John 'mourns wife meets and marries Sherlock & brings him back to mansion. ~136k

Johnloctober (Chapter 22: Go Get 'Em, Tiger) by prettysailorsoldier

Sherlock goes on a date with Victor to a Halloween party. John gets jealous, gets a costume, crashes the date, and confesses his feelings. ~9k

Into the Light by Besina

John is a ghost inhabiting Sherlock's fleshlight. ~1k

Shiloh by FinAmour

1969, Jacob meets Shiloh, a ghost, However, the two of them have always been in each other's lives, in every life. ~5k

Change by MoonBeams

Sherlock is bitten by a werewolf, Mycroft wants to lock him away, and he has to deal with feelings for John. ~54k

🕷 🕷 🕷

the napoleon by darcylindbergh

Halloween, 1989: John and Sherlock both have big plans for the night, but some serial killers have the worst possible timing. ~25k

Let's Say I Let You by Inkedgeree 

Halloween. Sherlock's vampire costume is turning John on, but Sherlock doesn't quite get the idea of a sexy vampire. At least…not at first. ~10k

In arms that terrify and calm me by Salambo06

Around Halloween John goes to Baker Street and finds out that Sherlock is engaged with a beautiful man, gets jealous. ~22.5k

The Master of Latham Hall by Kryptaria

John and Sherlock solve murders actually commited by a vengeful ghost suffering from unrequited love. ~47.5k

Upon Whom Shall You Call? by May_Shepard

~A TAB-verse AU. After Holmes dies, Watson tries to move on. His maid, Jane, reports noises in the attic. Female ghostbusters. ~33.5k

House of Grief by Calais_Reno

Holmes takes the case of a woman who claims her house is haunted. He asks Watson to accompany him. ACD, Victorianlock. Creepy! ~18.5k

The Detective and the Demon by oreganotea

Pre-Slash Urban Fantasy demon!John Magic Realism. ~2.5k

⚰️ ⚰️ ⚰️

An Acquired Taste by kinklock

Sherlock is a vampire and he starts to feed off John and also turns into a bat. The fluffy virgin kind of vampire. ~26k

Allhallows' Affair by MindYourOwnBismuth

An All Hallows’ Eve Party. Unilock. Halloween. ~21.5k

Sure Shot, Or, In Which Lestrade Wearing A Shepardless Outfit Is of No Consequence by redscudery

Sherlock storms into the Yard Halloween party to find John, but there are consequences- body shots and awkward kissing. ~1k

Diguises by OTP221B

Sherlock needs to infiltrate a Halloween party. John fits the bill, and the costume. teenlock. ~2.5k

Johnloctober (Chapter 29: Kindred Spirits) by prettysailorsoldier

Sherlock comes face-to-transparent-face with the ghost of a WWI soldier, a uniformed man calling himself Captain Watson. ~8k

Master of Disguise by earlgreytea68

Lestrade hosts a Halloween party. John makes Sherlock dress up as a pirate, and John dresses up as Sherlock. ~4k

The Red Dianthus by kinklock

The boys investigate a mysterious disappearance in a supposedly haunted house, and get more than they bargained for. ~11.5k

Johnloctober (Chapter 23: Subtexting) by prettysailorsoldier

John trying to return a lost notebook, but the owner turns out to be one Sherlock Holmes. Texting fic. ~4k

TBJ by cwb

Sherlock turns John into a bat, and batjohn gives him a blowjob. ~3.5k

The Light in the Heart by cassyl

John is murdered. Sherlock the ghost helps him realise he's dead and solves his murder. ~6.5k

Ghost in the Water by bittergreens

After Sherlock’s death, John Watson refuses to move on. Sherlock has to intervene, even if it means coming back as a ghost. ~21.5k

Johnloctober (Chapter 3: It's a Date) by prettysailorsoldier

Kidlock, scary movies. John stays the night to protect Sherlock. A teenlock follow up where John takes Sherlock to a scary movie on a date). ~3.5k

The Boy Who Drank Stars by kinklock

John is cursed and meets wizard Sherlock who might be able to fix him. ~36k

Ghost Stories by SwissMiss

Sherlock's parents think he and John are a couple. They might be onto something. ~22k

The Trouble With Upstairs by anactoria

John and Sherlock haunt 221B. ~500 words

How to Leave a Haunted House by May_Shepard

Sherlock is a zombie in a haunted house and John punches him, but goes back to make sure he's still okay. ~1k

On Sleeping with Sherlock Holmes by gaytectives

sharing a bed, haunted house. ~7k

🎃 🎃 🎃

Awkward Moments, Sexy Vampires, and a Halloween First Kiss by 221b_careful_what_you_wish_for

John and Sherlock are helping Molly decorate for a Halloween party. ~3.5k

Sanguineous Serendipity by CarmillaCarmine

AU. Vampire Sherlock meets a dying John in a field hospital in Afghanistan and gives him a whole new life. ~35k

Human Behaviour by toyhto

Vampire Sherlock wakes up after a nap and finds out that sixty-five years have passed. Also, there's a human living in his apartment. ~21.5k

Danger Nights by khorazir

Rating: Mature Words: 3,017

Endverse: Dean's learned to be careful. In his experience, the moment you admit to loving something, you lose it.

I have a serious weakness for Endverse fics. I find that they often show a softness that you don’t find in other verses. This is no exception. There is a softness and a sadness, and fair warning it is heart-breaking but I still love it. This fic is not for everyone, it is a painful one, but it is also gorgeous. If you like endverse fics, I would highly recommend it, but go forward with warnings. If you don’t like endverse fics and heartbreak, this fic may not be the one for you.