#americafuckyeah

I want to apologize in advance for all the obnoxiously pro-American content I’m going to be posting over the next week.

And by “apologize”, I mean, “Not apologize one little goddamn bit”.

‘Murica. Fuck yeah.

If you’re in the hunt for something outrageous to do, try causing an international incident. Few things take the bite out of terminal boredom more than causing diplomatic crises in two State departments at the same time.

PRO TIP: Avoid countries where you know the language.

Step 1: Buy a first class ticket to the furthest international location you can fly from where you live. That generally means someone on the other side of the planet.  

Step 2: After you pass into international airspace, get drunk. Don’t get too drunk that you pass out or lose control, or your mission will fail before you step foot off the plane. Just drink enough to become obvious.

Step 3: When you arrive at your destination, find a bar and drink some more. You'll need it, but it also helps establish the behavior pattern. At this point you should have drawn more than sufficient attention from local authorities.

Step 4: Locate and travel to the nearest National Memorial for an important or beloved historical figure or vicious despot and take a shit on it. It helps if you’re still drinking and shouting loudly at families with small children. If you can somehow manage to secret yourself into the embassy of another sovereignty within the foreign country you are visiting you can score a sweet international incident hat trick!

Step 5: When arrested and on local news, YouTube, and the like, scream these words as loud as you can: PUTIN IS MY BITCH. Be sure to project, don’t use contractions, and enunciate clearly.