#ambiguous pairing

Sitting on a throne of glass,

Watching every season pass.

In your cold, hollow stare the story is told again.

Could it be? Did you see us trying to cut the strings?

Her arms were bound in chains as she sat on the makeshift, sacrificial throne. She was barely conscious, her eyes half lidded, her body leaning more forward, her long, blonde hair falling over her face. Her breaths were barely audible, her body already riddled with bruises and cuts. But then she could hear them. Their voices were so lovely, so familiar, but so far away. She couldn’t even raise her head to gaze at them if she tried. When she heard the one voice she longed to hear again, pain seared her already weakened heart. She couldn’t bear the feeling of pain again, couldn’t endure the feeling of not having the one she loved. 

Were they trying to cut her chains? Were they trying to free her? She had no more reasons to be free. She had no reason to wander the earth for more centuries. She’d spent them alone anyway.

She felt an arm around her waist, felt her own arm jerking as if someone was trying to break the chain by physical force. When she felt the arm pull away and the jerking cease, she felt hands on her face, lifting it as though urging her to look at someone. Her eyes struggled to stay open as that familiar voice urged her to stay awake, to not fade away. Fade where? Her mind whispered, I am too far gone already…let me sleep…I want to sleep forever…

The voice was more urgent, sharp like a knife, but her eyes couldn’t stay open. Her body was weakening, her bones no longer hard and protective, her heart beating slower and slower…

Then it all became a vision of the past

And the distance something we could never grasp.

But just know that when we turned our backs and left

There were way too many things left to be said.

Different memories meshed within her subconscious, the distance between then and now gaping, unable to even be breached. She was afraid to cross that bridgeless distance, fearing the moment she attempts to reach the other side she would fall into the abyss. There were words she longed to say, that she wanted to say so that she could get them out and not keep them inside.

Would she feel this way if neither of them turned their backs and walked away from each other? Her answer came in her haze. Yes. Yes, she would always feel this way, even walking away. She clung onto some secret hope that maybe, just maybe, she could just see him one more time.

Not like this, but better than never…

The pain seared her again. Yes, this heartache she would hold onto even when she drifted to the edge of the world. Centuries of wandering, of trying to find a place to belong, when she met him, it was like her colorless existence had completely underwent a transformation. She was happy. Clinging to the memories, she still was happy.

Would she endure being set on this throne, chained and nearly lifeless, if it meant that she would even imagine hearing his voice?

 Every thorn, the pain in every wound,

It’s all for you,

It’s all for you.

 Yes, her mind murmured, yes I would. For him, I’d endure it all over again. She felt something envelope her and felt her arms drop, the chains finally giving way. Her body moved forward against something else. That something swept her in the air, holding her close, her head now resting against…a shoulder. She could hear the pounding of a pulse beneath the skin. She kept her eyes closed. She wanted to stay in this dream, to stay inside of her head, where no one could reach her.

It’s all for you,

 Her ears buzzed from conversations, she knew, but she wasn’t roused. Let me stay dreamless…The buzzing was direction of her, but she felt too fragile to even respond. Take me home…I want to go home…

 It’s all for you,

 Outside of her lifeless state, the girl was unaware of eyes on her. He held her close to his body, sure that she could survive if he got her home. But she didn’t respond when he called her name, over and over. Why would she endure such pain this way? He wanted to ask her. But she wouldn’t answer. She couldn’t. Her eyes stayed closed, her skin becoming pale.

He wanted to save her, but he couldn’t.

He wanted to protect her, but he lost the right.

He wanted to see her live, but could feel her dying.

He wanted to talk to her, but his voice fell on deaf ears.

But what he didn’t realize inside of her was that she loved him still, but she was no longer allowed to.

What he didn’t realize was that she would run to the edge of the world for him, but she was no longer allowed to.

What he didn’t realize was that every time he called her name, her heart would continue to break deep inside of her, but she would never open her eyes to tell him.

What he didn’t realize was that she remained comatose, but dreamed of him.

Yes, she would bear all of her pain again in silence.

Only for him.