#altercation

Does apathy punish?

Damn, I can't see from this distance

I'm letting you dictate the way I live

That's power, power I don't want to give

You and I are liable to fight quick

I'll disfigure you, rip out your innards

Shatter every single one of your limbs

Send you to a morgue or hospital

Deliver you to heaven or hell, see which will take you

Don't know if I can only leave you black and blue

Prove my dominance

I've constantly let you off easy, I promised

But you take my kindness for weakness

I was trying to be decent

Why do you think the family pulls you away?

For your safety and sake

part 2 <read part 1 first, here>

Sunglo: You've been crying. I notice you've washed the smell of smoke off.

Coni: [Voice strained] Glo, baby, I'm tired.

He reaches to touch her arm, but she proceeds past him.

Sunglo: Then let's not drag this out. Where is she? What happened to her?

Coni: She's gone, Sunglo. [Keeps walking]

Sunglo: Gone? Concept—wait! Get back here!

Coni sits in front of her vanity table, while Sunglo stands behind her, exerting every effort to steady his emotions.

Sunglo: [Calmly] What do you mean she's gone, Concept? Coni glances down at the gleaming ring Sunglo gave her, passed down from his great-grandmother.

Coni: There was a malfunction that resulted in her combustion. She was destroyed. I'm sorry. You trusted me with your best bot and I failed you.

Sunglo: [Shakes head vigorously] No, that's impossible. Give me a detailed incident report if that's truly the case.

Coni: Stop, I just lost someone too. I'm in no position to do that right now, please.

Sunglo falls silent, stunned.

Sunglo: Coni… If there's something you're not telling me…

Coni: [Voice sharpens] WHAT, SUNGLO? What are you going to do? Hm?

Sunglo: I'll find out. I can access her data, her surveillance. I'll figure it all out on my own, Concept. If I have to, I will.

Coni looks up at him with a sympathetic frown, her fingers tracing the collar of his shirt. A soft chuckle escapes her lips, though in her ragged and worn-out voice, it sounds more like a whimper.

Coni: [Sighs] No baby, you won't. Sunglo: Sorry?

Coni: You won't. That's the thing. You'll never find out. You're the smartest man I've ever known, but I'll always be one step ahead of you... thanks to my genetic advantages. I destroyed Cecilia. I had to. And If I wanted you to forget all of this, I could make that happen with the snap of my fingers. But I'm just so tired of this game. I'm so tired of hiding from you, my darling.

A tear falls down Coni's cheek, against all efforts to stop it. Sunglo's stomach churns as a faint blue aura begins to emit from her skin; the same blue aura that comes from Aurora when playtime is cut short, or she doesn't get the toy she asks for. Everything starts to fall into place.

Sunglo: No... [Shakes head, tears forming] Concept... you're scaring me...

Coni's eyes mirror the tears welling in his. She tries to vocalize "I'm sorry," but only manages to mouth the words, her voice failing her. Sunglo: This can't be real. I feel sick. Is this real? Coni: I... Do you want me to show you? ...Myself? My real form?

Sunglo: What? No! Those things, they—[lowers voice] they violated me, Con... And you? You're really one of them? Did you help them?

Coni: NO! Mod, no. I would never do that to you, Glo! I would never hurt you. I'm not like them. I was raised here in Strangerville. I don't do what they do, okay honey?

Sunglo: What do you do, then? Lie and manipulate? And apparently destroy? Why? Why'd you do that to Cecilia?

Coni: She… she knew too much.

Sunglo: Oh, It all makes sense now. You were protecting yourself. Coni: I— [stops herself]

Sunglo: I think I'm gonna be sick... I should go.

Coni: Baby, please… Wait, just come sit down. We can fix this, okay? We can get back to our normal happy life! We can fix Cecilia. We can fix us.

Sunglo: I… I think I need some time to think about this.

Coni: Think about what? Stop, you're scaring me, now! What are you saying, Glo? We were supposed to be—this life we made for us… it's perfect. Our love is perfect.

Sunglo: It was perfect. You destroyed it. It was a lie, Coni. You lied to me.

Coni: PLEASE! I'm the same Coni you've always known. We were supposed to get married, Glo! You just proposed. You gave me Agnes's ring, I know that means something special, please!

Sunglo: Keep the ring. But— I think we need to call off the engagement for now.

Coni: Call it off? What are you saying? What does this mean for us? If you don't want to marry me then you don't want to be with me, either! [Sobbing]

Sunglo: I just need time, Coni.

Coni: What about our family and friends? Erwin? He definitely won't be able to handle this. Are you going to tell them I'm an alien so that they all hate me too?

Sunglo: Of course not. You tell them when you're ready. And for what it's worth, they'll always love you. I'll always love you, Concept. Okay? I… I just know I'll never be able to reconcile, and I… I just need to think about whether I can live with that or not... forever.

Coni: [Sniffles]...S-so this is goodbye, then?

Sunglo: Only for now.

Side By Side, Altercation & Breakdown

had an altercation with my mom today. she criticized me for sitting in the basement in the dark. now that wouldn't have really bothered me that much in the first place except that she also said that it was "abnormal" behavior and that "people who are monsters" do that. i was angry, said some sarcastic shit that might have been a comeback. i yelled at her a little and then she went on a rant/lecture. i just. i can't.

the premise was okay but then she said all of those other mean hurtful things. she could have gone about it lovingly and i would've at least tried to listen, but nooooo, she needs to insult me and then berate me for yelling at her when she yells at me. i get that indian culture is a bit more respect-towards-parents oriented, and i would respect her if she respected me first. im so mad and a little sad that i am this way.

it's like that papa roach lyric "And now my heart of gold is lost/I'm everything I'm not" and "I used to be a lover, now I'm looking for a fight". im mad at people and lashing out. and thinking about killing my mother again (passively)...causing harm.

my dad said once that i don't have any empathy anymore and i used to have it as a child and it's gone now. it's sticking in my head now.

i want to break something. hit something. hit someone. yell at her for hours and hours on end telling her that she's a freak and a dumb bitch who can't do anything right. all the things she said to me, and whatever will make her feel the same amount of hurt i did. but i don't think i will ever do that to her. because i don't have the guts and it gives me a sick feeling in my gut if i really think about causing that much emotional harm to someone.

i don't know what made me snap today and sort of attempt to take a stand (in the wrong way, ofc, i always do shit wrong when it comes to other people) but it quickly got shut down anyway. i think i understand why my dad sometimes loses it when she says hurtful shit like that. they have big arguments because the truth is that you can never get fully used to it. you can take it for a while but then you just. snap. give the abuser proof that they're right and you're a freak.

this is one of the times when i want to kill someone. i don't want to to tell my friends because my mom looks through my texts. even tho i told them about it, im scared because 1. it might distance me from them and 2. my mom could look through and see.

in case anybody ever thought i was docile. i. i'm not. when im mad i turn into her. which is something my dad has told me to try not to do.

he does it himself when he snaps. i guess all humans do. but why tell me not to snap when you do it too? everything feels fake and i think everybody's lying to me. i want to slap someone. maybe throw something at them and watch them bleed. go to hell.