#alone here

“It sounds heavenly, V.” Betty said in way that made it obvious she needed some time out of this crazy town and away from her creepy brother. I understood how she felt, I had had my fair share of run-ins with the mysterious Chick Cooper when I was over studying at Betty’s house.

Veronica had just finished describing her family’s cottage (if you could call it that, it was probably the size of mine, Betty’s and Archie’s houses combined). She had invited Betty and Jughead to come with her and Archie for a weekend in the woods, away from parents, school and anything else that could possibly cause chaos. While Betty asked Jug if he wanted to go, Veronica turned to me. I was sitting alone on one of the couches, totally fifth wheeling in this room full of sappy couples.

“Y/N, I would totally invite you, but this gonna be a big romantic getaway and I know how much you hate our lovey dovey PDA, so I just figured you be better off with a weekend away from us.” She said.

“Definitely. However much I want to spend time at the lake, my room and my laptop beat sitting in a room of lovesick couples anyday.” I responded. A lakeside vacation would be amazing, but I wouldn’t be able to enjoy any of that if I felt alone the whole time.

“It’ll be a good chance for me to work on my novel.” Said Jughead.

“Excellent!” Veronica exclaimed. “But remember, the point of this luxury weekend is to relax and unplug.”

“Luxury and weekend.” Said a new voice. We all turned our heads to see Cheryl strut into the room, stopping between Betty and Jughead and clasping her hands together. “Two of my favourite words. So, where are going and how extravagant of a wardrobe should I pack?” She asked, putting emphasis on “where”.

“Sorry, Cheryl, it’s kind of a… romantic couples only weekend.” Veronica said.

“I see, of course, my mistake. Well, have fun with your romances.” Cheryl said, clearly embarrassed and ready to leave the room. There was this look on her face that I’d never seen her with before, like her stone cold facade had been broken down for a few seconds. It hurt my heart to see her like that. Maybe that not-so little crush I’d had in freshman year hadn’t entirely disappeared or I wouldn’t feel so bad about the tone of her voice at the moment. Honestly, I was standing on the edge of a cliff ready to tumble down into the dark depths of the horribly exhausting thing we call love. So I did what anyone who felt this way would do.

“Cheryl, wait!” I called for her to turn around. I sat up and looked at Veronica, who was confused. “V, how many rooms does your place have?”

“Um, I don’t know, five or six?” She told me.

“How about Cheryl and I come, but we keep to ourselves? You guys get your romantic getaway and Cheryl and I get to at least getaway without feeling like totally losers.”

“Yeah, I guess that would work, I mean if you want to, you’re welcome.”

“Perfect.” I looked over at Cheryl. “What do you say Bombshell? You and I spend a lakeside weekend chilling in the hottub and making fun of these four and their heart shaped eyes?”

“Not idle, but okay. I’ll pack my swimsuit.” She said with the signature Blossom smirk.

During the hour long drive that it took to get to “Lodge lodge”, I could practically feel my tensions being left behind in that batshit crazy town. Even with the queen of evil sitting in the seat next to me, I felt relaxed. I call Cheryl terrible things in my head (it’s just pent up frustration) and I’ve always feel a little bad about it until she goes and does something evil. Like this morning, for example. Right before we got in the car, Archie said something that Cheryl didn’t like, so she went straight up to Jughead and told him about Archie and Betty sharing a kiss in front of her house. It made the car ride incredibly awkward because Betty didn’t want to sort this out in front of us and Jughead didn’t seem to want to talk about it all. At least it was quiet.

Once we got there, I grabbed my bag off my lap which I had just held onto since it was so light (because all I had packed was a swimsuit, pajamas and a change of clothes). Veronica had Archie bring the rest of the bags in. He looked like a donkey carrying it’s owners luggage through the desert with the amount of bags hanging off both of his arms.

Cheryl looked stunning, but she wasn’t really dressed for the cottage. In fact, when I think about it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Cheryl without heels (not the that I minded).

Veronica welcomed us and brought us each to our respective rooms. The couples were on the east side of the cottage and the loners were in the two rooms on the west side. Each couple went to their room right away and closed the door. I started to wonder what would happen if Betty and Jughead broke up. Would we all just pack up and go home to avoid the tension? Were we really going to miss the chance at relaxation because those two couldn’t sort out their problems? Was I really gonna miss the chance to Cheryl in a bikini?

I walked out of room when I was done unpacking my stuff. It literally took one minute considering I brought three outfits and nothing else. The Lodges were rich, I figured if I needed something, they’d have it stored somewhere. Looking down the hall it felt haunted. It was too quiet and empty and that made me feel lonely because I knew that the happy couples were perfectly content to be in their rooms with each other. Me? My room felt as empty as the hallway did. So I ventured down the hall to find the only other person who could possibly feel this way at the moment. I could see Cheryl’s door open, so I walked and leaned against the frame. She was also unpacking, but she had a lot more than I did.

“Hey.” I said.

“Hello, outcast.” She said looking up at me for a brief second.

“Why did you tell Jughead about that kiss? Did one of them do something or…?”

“Oh, Y/N/N. I thought you would know by now that it’s my duty as queen bae of Riverdale High to let a student now when they are being lied to.” She smiled.

“Right… you sure you don’t just adore the chaos?” I ask, “Don’t get me wrong Cheryl, I love it too, but these guys are friends and I’m supposed to watch out for them.”

“Well, fear not. Between you and me, Jughead and Betty are a strong couple, they’ll get through it.”

I just watched her for a second. She was really pretty, I mean evil, but gorgeous.

“Why did you come?” I asked. For the first time since I had known her, Cheryl didn’t have some sort of witty comment or sharp answer ready for me. She nearly stumbled over her words.

“I… whatever do you mean?”

“When I said ‘Come with me as my friend to this romantic couples retreat’, why did you say yes? I mean, I don’t know about you, but in the short amount of time that we’ve been here, those four have managed to make me feel more alone then usual and they’re not even talking to each other.”

“You feel alone?”

“Well, yeah. It’s like when we’re at school and I’m hanging out with them, at least they’re are other single people around me. Out here it feels like I’m the only loser for miles.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, I’m alone here too.”

“Yeah, but you’re Cheryl fucking Blossom. You could have any guy you want.” She looked like she wanted to say something, but she didn’t.

“You never answered my question, bombshell.” I said, trying to change the subject. “Why did you come?”

Before she even answer, the silence of the cabin was broken by the squeak of mattress springs. Over and over and over and over.

“Oh my god.” I groaned. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. This is exactly what I wanted to get away from.”

Cheryl rolled her eyes as the noise didn’t stop. “Let’s go.” She said. I followed her down the stairs and outside onto the massive deck, complete with the fanciest outdoor cottage furniture I had ever seen. From outside, the only thing we could hear was the chirp of birds flying across the lake. It was a nice, peaceful contrast to the multiple kinds of tension that surrounded the inside of “Lodge lodge”.

Cheryl and I didn’t talk a whole lot. When it started to get dark, we decided we should go inside and get some sort of dinner. As it turns out, Betty and Jughead had made up, Archie and Veronica had gotten out of bed and they were all sitting around the living room. There was still tension though, and part of me was willing to sleep outside if it meant getting away from it.

“Fear you not though, I have just the antidote. Step one: Clothes off, swimsuits on.” Veronica said. “That means you two as well.” She clarified as Cheryl and I walked in. The next thing I knew I was gawking at Cheryl who was looking flawless in a red bikini. I had thought that I looked decent, but I was really questioning if I even looked okay as the HBIC slipped into the hot tub right next to me.

The next half hour was weird. That’s the only way I can describe it. Weird. Veronica was convinced that to get rid of the tension, she and Jughead should kiss. I have no idea where the logic in that was and apparently neither did Cheryl because I kept unintentionally looking at her and the expression on her face told me she was very pleased with the mess she had made.

After the “Vughead” kiss, the couples immediately left the hot tub, Betty and Archie on edge, Jughead and Veronica smug. Cheryl and I, we were holding in laughter. The second the sliding glass door closed and we were out of sight, we stopped trying to hold it in.

“What just happened?” I laughed.

“I have no fucking clue.” Cheryl responded. “But like you said earlier, I adore the chaos.”

“Oh god, this is gonna be a mess. What was Ronnie thinking? What was Jughead thinking? Why are straight people crazy?” I said, still laughing a bit.

“It’s in their DNA, not ours, thank god.” Said Cheryl. Wait. Was Cheryl not…? Was it possible that after all these years that I had thought she and I couldn’t possibly together, I was wrong? I didn’t care if I was overstepping boundaries, I had to know.

“Cheryl?” She didn’t respond. I looked into her eyes and realized that she knew she had slipped up. She hadn’t meant to say that, she had been laughing and not thought about it.

“Cheryl are you hiding something?” I asked.

“I think I should go back to my room, we’ve probably been in here too long.” She rushed to get out of the tub, but I grabbed her arm.

“Cheryl, you can talk to-“

“Get your filthy outcast hands off me!” She nearly screamed. It was so quiet out hear that I heard it echo over the lake, but I didn’t let go. She tried to jerk away from me, but being a loser in high school means you know how to fight, so she wasn’t getting away from me any time soon.

“I said let go!”

“Not until you talk to me!” I yelled back.

She leaned down and lowered her voice, “There is nothing to talk about. And if you ever even insinuate that there is, I will have you ruined, shunned by the entire school for the disgusting little snitch that I know you are, so let go and leave me alone.”

“No.” I said firmly. I stood up out of the water a bit so that I was eye level with her. “You need to talk. I know you do. Don’t tell me I’m wrong because I can see right through it.” I let my voice become a bit more comforting, “Cheryl, I have been exactly where you are right now. You can’t stand in front of me wearing the same mask that I had to rip off.  I know what that mask feels like, ok? It’s too small and after a while it starts to suffocate you. You’ve got it take it off and the only way you can do that is by talking to someone. So talk to me.”

Cheryl’s stone cold expression had subconsciously softened into a sad, scared one. “I can’t.” She said.

“Then let’s start with the little things.” I gently pulled her back to sit down in the hot tub. She didn’t fight it.

“I asked earlier why you came with me, you didn’t get the chance to answer.”

She looked hesitant, but she breathed in deeply and let the answer out. “I wanted to get out of the house. My mother has invited these lowly men from around town inside so that she can… comfort them. In exchange for money.”

I was shocked. Cheryl had not once mentioned her home life to me or anyone else as far as I knew. “That’s horrible. No mother should be doing something that disgusting, especially with their child in the house.”

“There’s no stopping it, she thinks it’s the best way to make money and we need it.”

“That doesn’t make it right.”

“I know.” She sighed.

“I understand why you came with us now. Staying in the woods with a group of losers is better than that.”

“I don’t think your losers.”

That came as a surprise to me. “Really?”

She shook her head. “Also, my mother is not the only reason I sprung at the opportunity to come with you.”

“What’s the other reason?”

“I wanted to spend time with you.”

My heart rate sped up instantly. “Why?”

She stared into the water with a slight smile on her face. It was a sad one, but it was there. I could practically see it in her eyes, she was screaming for me to ask her the right question. I knew because that had been exactly the way I was when I was in the closet. I would answer the question without hesitation, but only if somebody asked it.

“Cheryl, do you like girls?”

“Yes.” She answered simply.

“Does anyone know?”

“My mother does. She thinks it’s unnatural.”

“Do you think she’s right?”

“Sometimes. Sometimes I think that it’s in my head and that I need help, but other times, I know she’s wrong. I know that this is me and she just can’t see it.” Tears started to pour down the redhead’s cheeks. I wanted to reach out and wipe them away. I wanted to kiss the places where they had been and tell her that she never had to be this sad again, but I wasn’t exactly sure where I stood with her right now. I mean we weren’t friends exactly, sort of just classmates. But after this, could ever just go back to the way it was? She was upset and I didn’t want to make it worse, so I opted for something a little less intimate then practically confessing my love. I grabbed one of her hands in both of mine as she rested the other one of hers against her forehead and cried.

“I wish your mother could see you. I wish that she was better to you, Cheryl because you deserve so much better. The fact she doesn’t understand, that she’s not willing to try, that just shows that she doesn’t deserve you. You will be so much better off without trying to live up to her standards, you’ll be better off once you know that you’re already above them, so high above that she can't even see you anymore.”

Her tears didn’t stop, but they slowed as she looked up at me. Even upset, I was sure I had never seen anyone as beautiful in my life. My heart just kept getting faster as this look of pure adoration and thankfulness reached Cheryl's eyes.

“I… there’s still one more thing I need to tell you.”

“What?” Just as I asked the question, the bubbles in the hot tub ceased and water became still. We had been in here an hour. “Do you want to get out and get dressed and then we can talk?” I suggested.

“Sure.” Cheryl said and I got up and grabbed two fancy towels off a stack that Veronica had brought out earlier. I tossed one to Cheryl and we went inside. We heard the bed springs the second we opened the door, making us both groan in frustration.

“Again? For fuck’s sake.” I pulled the towel over my ears.

“Those two need to learn to keep it in their pants when they’re in a house full of people.”

“Damn it, you can still hear them from the living room.” Veronica said, walking down the stairs with Archie right behind her.

“Wait a smoking hot second.” Said Cheryl, who apparently had a hidden talent for being able to hide how she was actually feeling like she was up for an Oscar. “That’s the mystery detective duo up there? And here I thought they skipped sex ed. class.”

“Don’t be nasty, Cheryl, what they do or don’t do in the bedroom is none of our business.” Ronnie said.

“Yeah, until we’re the audience to the audio.” I added. “By the way, the walls in your room are just as thin, so think about it before history repeats itself.”

Cheryl and I left the wide eyed couple at bottom of the stairs as we went to change and dry off. I sat in my pajamas on the edge of my bed, not really sure what to do. I could hear Betty and Jughead, now downstairs, talking and laughing with Archie and Veronica. I couldn’t hear Cheryl. At the moment, she was the only one I cared about, so I went to her room where I found her doing exactly what I had been; sitting on the edge of her bed, not sure what to do.

I knocked on the door frame, “Wanna talk?” I asked.

“Not particularly, but I’m sure you won’t let it go.” She didn’t say it in the usual sassy, stone cold Blossom tone, but in a sad, broken down one.

“If you really don’t want to, I’m not gonna make you.” I told her.

She took a deep breath. “No. I need to talk to somebody and I’m pretty sure that if I don’t do it now, I never will.”

“Okay.” I walked over to the bed and sat down. I instinctively grabbed her hand before I remembered that Cheryl Blossom hates it when people try to comfort her or show sympathy. But she didn’t tell me off or rip her hand away, so I let mine stay there. “So what did you want to tell me? Before we got out of the hottub?”

She wouldn’t look at me and I saw a couple of silent tears roll down her cheeks. I stayed silent as well, giving her as much time as she needed.

“I realized that I was bi about six months ago because I started to have feelings… for…”

“For another girl.” I finished her sentence so that she didn’t have to. She nodded her head.

“...for you.” She added. Okay, my heart actually stopped this time. It had been beating so fast that it actually just stopped for a second. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me, it was too much.

“I’m sorry.” Cheryl said. No, no, no, this was not a mistake, I needed to tell her that. I told myself to breath again.

“Cheryl, you have nothing to be sorry for. You have no idea how much you mean to me, how much it means to me that you just said all of that, that you’ve told me everything that you have tonight.” I reached up to brush some loose strands of hair out of her eyes. I wanted to be able to see them when I talked.

I didn’t get the chance to though, because Cheryl leaned in and kissed me before I could tell how embarrassingly long I had had a crush on her. That was probably a good thing. She tasted like cherry chapstick, which I would’ve been expecting had I not made a point to not think about kissing her this past year. I guess there wouldn’t have been any point to imagining it considering it would never have ever even compared to Cheryl actually kissing me.

The hand I had been pushing her hair back with ended up on the side of face, the other still holding onto one of hers. She used her free hand to pull me closer to her and we only stopped kissing for a second before I pulled her back to me, both of us laughing a bit at just how much we wanted to be here, holding each other. That’s how I knew.

I wasn’t alone here.

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