Weird Antics

Old toothbrushes that whisper of neglect.

Products that whisper of short term bandaids.

Treating symptoms.

Talking of dying the roots and surgery.

Lie. For a piece of mind that never comes.

-of course you couldn't stomach someone who refused to hide away with you.

It's in our nature to be hurt,

People like us get hurt.

How easy it is to fortify against the fight.

A monster racing toward you

Claws slicing. Snarling, sharp and shrieking.

But the hurt was not warlike wrath in front of me.

The hurt came after sweet words

The hurt came after promises whispered

Hurt lured me with all the things that hurt was not supposed to be.

"I wish I had never met you"

What foolish, careless sentiment.

How could you forsake it any more than trying to condemn the air for filling your lungs.

You can't pretend it never happened.

Somehow I missed the point.

No I can't pretend it never happened.

Nor can I forget how it ended.

I wish the circumstances had never led me here.

To finally understanding why such a statement is uttered in a furious sorrow.

I don't say the phrase

"I'll die on this hill."

Because I don't say things like that to you.

Especially in anger

I don't imply these hills are more important than you.

Apparently,

I am nothing compared to yours.

Even though you've found someone else.

It seems

That I don't write anymore

Even though I have been with someone else.

Isn't that interesting..

to be matched

impossible.

i had said that i'd found it once.

i was wrong

Does not mean i don't have any.

How naive to think that i

Do not suffer so.

My screen often has your name on it.

Fingers hovering,

Buttons unpushed.

Shredding their dignity.

Not alone, with an accomplice notorious for that very thing.

When you were supposed to be the one person on earth,

To make things easier for them, rather than harder.

Pushing them beyond their capacity.

And then,

Imagine being angry at them for leaving you because of it.

I wanted you, us.

Even after what you did to me

"But I have been waiting"

I'd let you read me

Easier than any book

Unrestricted, I want you to see

For that unyeilding truth

See me

And know

I will not say it

But i need someone

With the ability to

Look at me

And know

To me

Because i wait.

i choose to wait.

If for any reason

You catch me in anger,

It is directed inward.

Because i chose,

And i could not

Accommodate.

Certain.

That I wouldn't be like you.

You didn't want that.

Well I am not like you. I am me.

But I am in the same world as you.

To pretend that similarities weren't going to happen,

Was incredibly

Naive.

As if i had traversed the galaxy in search of precious gems

As if i had hiked, sailed, flown

Everywhere

In search of this treasure

And i found them

thinking..

that our coevality was

unfiltered. or at least

as close to that as we could get.

how foolish of me.

I stare

Smother

Examine

Envelop.

One day perhaps,

I will learn to pace myself

To love slowly.