#weird antics

It's in our nature to be hurt,

People like us get hurt.

How easy it is to fortify against the fight.

A monster racing toward you

Claws slicing. Snarling, sharp and shrieking.

But the hurt was not warlike wrath in front of me.

The hurt came after sweet words

The hurt came after promises whispered

Hurt lured me with all the things that hurt was not supposed to be.

Does not mean i don't have any.

How naive to think that i

Do not suffer so.

My screen often has your name on it.

Fingers hovering,

Buttons unpushed.

I stare

Smother

Examine

Envelop.

One day perhaps,

I will learn to pace myself

To love slowly.

This ridiculous, unforgiving

Want

The unyielding will to carve

A nook for myself

Into the wonderings of another

Would fade

As I age and mature,

And I suppose it has

A little.

Something I just haven't quite stamped out.

My eyes, the vapour of clouds.

My being, dissolving into ethereal steam.

My mind, a roiling tempest, a Cimmerian vortex.

I am

Immaterial.

But I am not sure how it is worse than missing someone who is still walking the earth..

Somehow, death is more understandable than watching someone choose to walk away from you.

You can grasp the fact that the dead are no longer viable.

Instead you are painfully aware that they walk this earth,

So accessible and yet, choosing seclusion from you. 

At least, death is understood.

You were just another name

On the list of which I had survived.

Now, I can barely look at your face.

Eveytime I do

Your eyes flutter down to my lips.

I'm not sure what that means

But your name was the worst scar to bare.

Oh darling,

Shall we unpack that?