#aizen bleach

--

After a lengthy reconnaissance mission in the World of the Living, you decide to wind down in a rural area in the Rukongai district. It was a pleasant place—hills of grass stretched out before you, soft and vibrant, along with occasional homes dotting the landscape. However, you were quite shaken up by Aizen's appearance those few days ago, and could not stop questioning his true motives. Not to mention, he was still interfering with your personal life like a weirdo stalker.

Did he really want you back, or was he toying with you? For someone so prideful and ruthless, he'd never blatantly admit to feeling anything towards anyone. Still, you couldn't ignore the possibility that he wasn't telling you everything. Or rather, it was that you didn't allow him to.

Puffy, gray clouds drag themselves across the bright sky, acting as curtains from the sun. What a shame, you thought. It seemed like the rain was coming before you could even relax. When you decide to turn around, however, a tall figure obstructs your path.

"[Name]."

Your body involuntary jumps as a trail of incoherent noises bubble from you, "What the hell are you doing here, Aizen? I thought I told you to leave me alone!"

"You never specified for how long."

"Don't be such a smart-ass. Context clues exist for a reason."

"By that logic, those same context clues suggest you still want me."

Of course he noticed that.

"Has being in Muken turned you into a madman? You're delusional."

"Yes," his breath shudders, "yes, I've gone mad. Anyone would lose their senses when deprived of life's necessities."

"Except you're not just 'anyone'," you scoff, feigning indifference at the meaning behind his words. "It's not like you need anything if you already have the Hogyoku."

"You'd be surprised. No matter how much we possess, it's in our nature to desire more."

Aizen takes a few steps towards you. Your stomach lurches at his words and the way his mahogany eyes hold yours hostage, as if forcing you to witness an unbearable truth.

Knowing him, he was a persistent bastard who would keep pestering you no matter how many times you rejected him. Letting out a trembling sigh, you ask him a question you unfortunately know the answer to, "What do you want?"

He doesn't respond immediately. For a moment, he's frozen in place as if he were a flower at a cliff's edge—there was no going back once he drifted beyond it.

"I want you," he softly exhales, his breath fogging the cold air. "I need you."

As if on command, droplets of water begin to shower you both. There's an irritating way your mind and heart falters at his confession. He looked so miserable, so starved—and your presence only fueled the inferno in his heart despite the rain.

"I can't believe that," you weakly respond, your voice cracking. "Why do you want me now? Why did you leave me then?"

"I convinced myself that you were too weak to stand with me. That any compassion towards you would only impede my ambitions. When, in reality, I..." he trails off for a few seconds, "...I was afraid of losing you. I never wanted to admit that until now."

A raw silence subsumes his heavy voice. You try to wrap your head around this information. Aizen, of all people, was afraid of losing someone? It was inconceivable. Even if he was a man who purged any weakness, you couldn't believe you were one of them. Though, certainly, if you had betrayed the Soul Society with him and survived, the Sokyoku would only await. So, that would mean...

He protected you?

Despite feeling shocked at his sudden change in character, your wounded heart was still reluctant to rekindle a bond with him.

"Aizen, you need to forget about me. Please."

"Forget? You speak as if the memory of you is merely an afterthought," he says, paying no mind to the vulnerability of his words. "I simply cannot forget you. If such an act were so simple, I'm certain I would have died by now. That is because you are the only one who can resurrect me with the breath of life—not this lackluster gemstone, no."

"...That's just a damn lie, isn't it?"

"It is anything but a lie. It is a fact. It was always a fact." His face is wrought with desperation, fervent eyes flickering to every part of your form as if the rain would wash you away, "You are the source of my hope and despair, my earthly undoing. Each step towards the heavens had only reminded me of how inextricably and hopelessly bound to you I was. There isn't a moment where I don't want you by my side."

Slowly, his hand reaches out to cup your face, thumb lightly grazing your cheekbone, "I say this not as a god, nor as a king, but a man. I cannot deny myself any longer these feelings of honor and pride, to have had the privilege of agonizing in the joy of loving you. I have no doubt that you will be the most wonderful kind of happiness I experience in this lifetime."

Without even knowing, those were the words you'd wanted to hear for so, so long. Yes, you wanted him to love you, and you still do. But why did it hurt so badly?

"You... how can you still be so selfish after everything you've done?" Your nails dig into his hand that's cradling your face, but he doesn't let go. "How can you just—how can you show up and tell me these things when I've just gotten used to living without you?"

"It's because you could never live without me."

Sousuke pulls you in and kisses you. It's certainly not the sweet kind, but the way he holds you so dearly, the way his soft lips rightfully envelop yours—you finally submit to the belief that this is where you belong. He breaks away for a moment, regarding you with a kind of aching possessiveness that only a broken man could have, and then kisses you again.

--

I am basing it on two small beats from Pendulum Arc in which Aizen expresses something that looks like disappointment toward Shinji, his Captain, about not noticing it wasn't Aizen who followed him for last month. For not knowing about his machinations earlier (even when expecting them), and about not trying to get to know him, learn his mannerisms and such.

This big tirade Aizen gives to Shinji about all this sounds extremely bitter. And then, there is that one panel during this monologue showing Urahara trying to connect with his new lieutenant - Hiyori, which again - points out of his jealousy that a fellow genius Urahara IS able to connect with others, or at least he tries to.

Also, look at the two allies Aizen surrounds himself with (Gin, and Tosen). Both of them are written as deeply motivated by their connections (Gin's to Rangiku, Tosen's to Kakyo and later Komamura), and both are killed by Aizen because they chose their connections OVER his cause. Tosen has a change of heart and connects with Komamura again, and Gin betrays Aizen because he chooses his revenge for Rangiku's sake. Both have motivations that Aizen doesn't have, and perhaps doesn't fully understands or prioritizes.

Is he even able to connect? This we don't know, because we never see him try and fail. I think Ichigo comes close due to reaching Aizen's level of power so the momentary connection during their fight is created.

And now affection - this is another long and complicated topic when it comes to a character like Aizen.

Since he doesn't connect, I think, he'd treat affection like a tool, strategically, or practically. I mean, he would be for sure able to manipulate people to get their affection if that served a purpose (I'd say Momo comes close). So he would take it if this is something he provoked, created, designed to happen.

But what if he receives affection without causing it? Well, it could go both ways. Perhaps he'd still take it because even if it wasn't a part of his plan, it still could be used. He surely understand human psychology enough to recognize affection for what it is. But on his side, it probably would be only an empty gesture - something that looks like affection but is manipulation or repetition without emotion (mimicry). Or, if we go for the version of Aizen that is uncomfortable with being subjected to emotionally loaded situations that are out of his control, like being touched without him actually triggering and controlling it first, then I think he'd internally recoil. Because affection can be invasive. Especially unwanted, and I'd say in his case most of affectionate gestures would be unwanted because they could mean vulnerable position for him. Or worse, a loss of control for him (control over the situation and over another person's perception of him).

I could even go as far as suggestion that Aizen, being absolutely untouchable through the series, doesn't like being touched. Unless on his terms. And the fact that his reiatsu can literally disintegrate you if you try to touch him, says a lot about him.

With all that said, I think the type of intellectual and ideological connection is possible for Aizen. He might give up on it, but it shouldn't be out of limit in theory. And if he had that, then he might be also willing to develop a space for affection. The fact that in the end, he chooses to align himself with Soul Society means that he can share values and ideas with others (he is not separate from them).

"You're... the man I expected you to be."

Given Aizen's extraordinary abilities, it would make sense for him to want a bit of a challenge. By saying he expected Urahara to be a certain way, to me, implies he could only confirm Urahara's nature by directly interacting with him. This means, by far, that Aizen has intentionally put a distance between them and could not know Urahara beyond his talents, which creates a disadvantage for himself, thus turning it into a challenge. As we've seen with interactions Aizen has had with other characters, he always knew 'everything' about someone, specifically when it comes to their mentality/behavior. This is part of how he always remains cool and collected in confrontations, and how he manipulates others.

However, Aizen acknowledged Urahara as a potential equal, and decided not to stoop to such manipulative methods, similar to how he didn't use Kyouka Suigetsu on Ichigo. Instead, this would be a battle to test pure ability.

"If his power was truly on a level of its own from the moment he was born, then maybe he was just always searching for someone who was standing at the same viewpoint as he was. And then maybe from the moment he gave up on that, he just kept wishing somewhere in his heart that he could 'Just be a Shinigami'..."

Considering Aizen's disposition to challenge others before determining their worthiness as an equal, I think he purposely avoided interacting with Urahara as a way to participate in some kind of quiet competition (but once again, as with mayuri, kisuke has no idea he's a part of one LMAO). Like, who can dismantle the system before the other? By engaging in this little bout, this was Aizen's twisted way of forming a bond with somebody because he was so lonely. As a master manipulator (of emotion & reality), he knows that people's intentions are not 100% genuine, so the only way to verify somebody's 'realness' is through their strength/abilities.

However, upon realizing a lack of ambitious activity from his 'rival,' Aizen eventually gave up on creating a connection with Urahara, and began to resent him for not living up to his expectations.... aka not assuaging his loneliness lawl. *I will note that Aizen's resentment towards Urahara is more nuanced than that, because to him, Urahara's actions only perpetuate stagnation. I sort of explore Aizen's motivations in my previous post*

This is my interpretation of his character so far, but when Ichigo surmises Aizen might have wanted to "Just be a Shinigami," it makes me think he yearned for that when noticing that someone like Urahara also became a 'simple' Shinigami. I wonder if it made him question his worldview at some point, and gradually started overpowering his desire for godhood as time went on. Without any genuine relationships, along with the forbidden knowledge he held, it's easy to see how Aizen would despair at being so powerful and different. His world was pretty much empty (ahem Hueco Mundo reference). In my opinion, Urahara was the last person who affirmed his loneliness, leading him to reject everybody else in the future.

I also wonder if Urahara feels guilty for not noticing this earlier, knowing they were alike. UGH