Slight NSFW & angst sorry 🥹 i get a ljttle shy writing these. #yearningaizen
I'd say this is combined w/ the happiness post...
--
After a few decades, AIZEN breaks out of Muken, claiming he's done enough self-reflection and that he was beginning to feel stagnated. It's not like the rulings of the weak ever determined his actions—especially not when it came to you.
A familiar azure sky greets him upon his arrival in the Soul Society. He decides to observe the changes made, whether it be politically or socially, and what has stayed the same. Despite the new faces in the Gotei 13, his attention always drifted to you. As somebody whose worldview was malleable, and despised the rigidity of tradition, Aizen believed you were a key component in fueling its progressivism. So, naturally, overseeing your actions was a vital task in his eyes...
Whether that included memorizing your schedule or your habits, he told himself that noting these details would help him guide you back on the right direction in case you were ever led astray. You were beneficial to him. There was nothing more to it.
--
Filing case reports and taking on the majority of the grunt work when you should be resting instead? That won't do. Before you even have the chance to groan at seeing an enormous pile of paperwork, there's only a single document sitting on the table.
During your isolated training, a mishap occurs and you nearly injure yourself. Or at least—you should have. Somehow, the projection created from a Kido spell changed its trajectory instantaneously, causing it to barely graze you.
When a snarky junior Shinigami tries to get away with verbally harassing you, you clench your fist to sucker punch them. However, it awkwardly falls to your side when they suddenly head-butt a nearby wall. Again. And again. Flustered, they grumble under their breath and try another path. Thump. This repeats for some time until a passerby asks if they're okay.
"Something isn't right with these kids, man. It must be because of that Arby's burger from the World of the Living."
Strange and miraculous phenomena continue to occur around you. The limited-edition sweets that sell out instantly at your favorite dessert shop? Today, they happen to be in full stock. You wonder if it's your lucky day, or if this particular treat just sucks. Regardless, you snag a couple of them to taste; they're delicious.
When you're walking back to your squad's barracks, desserts in hand, you hear somebody call your name and turn around, only to see floorboards and pillars.
Your stomach churns at the familiar voice.
"Was that...? No, it couldn't be. I'm probably just a bit tired..."
--
The moon glows once again, overlooking the stillness of the night. You are no exception to the quiet ritual nature follows. Aizen hovers over you, watching how your chest slowly rises and falls as you're snuggled up in a blanket. It's endearing, he thinks. He also thinks about how soft your lips would be if he were to press his against them.
Dangerously, Aizen lets these thoughts wander, but not unsupervised. He imagines those same lips saying, "Good morning," while peppering him with kisses each day, reserving a smile only for him. Another domestic idea takes over as he pictures the two of you exchanging hushed bits of prose to each other underneath the sheets. In this scenario, Aizen would say something witty, and you would complete his phrase with a giggle. Oh, how he longed to hear your laughter. To see your eyes crinkle with mirth once more. All because of him.
These fantasies are interrupted when you murmur something in your sleep. Shifting away from you, his eyebrows furrow when he notices a wet bulge through his clothes. When did he become so desperate?
Meanwhile, you happen to be dreaming of the man right beside you. It must've been a distant memory, you think, because Aizen was still clad in his Captain attire. Everything appeared to be doused in a fuzzy light that softened his handsome features. The contents of the dream are lost to your subconscious, but the one thing you remember before waking up is his voice, saying:
"I promise to bring you happiness."
--
Anxiety creeps up on you the next day, your brain whirring with that dream alongside the odd miracles you've experienced. A chill runs down your spine as you try to recall when the first incident occurred. There was no way that the devil himself was next to you all this time, right? The same man who used and abandoned you?
In order to confirm this hypothesis, you venture to a deserted building in the Rukongai district to lure him out. It was too risky to do it in the Seireitei, where you could easily run into your fellow Shinigami. The whole point of this was to assure to yourself that it was simply a delusion, which, arguably, may be worse than Aizen actually being there. Either way, you muster up the courage to call for him.
"Aizen."
Your throat practically chokes out his name, and an uneasy feeling washes over you. What was this, a game of Bloody Mary? A few moments tick by, and there's nothing but silence.
"So, you've finally caught on."
You let out a startled yelp but get ahold of yourself promptly. It's him. He was really there!
Clearing your throat, you clumsily interrogate him, "What are you doing, fooling around in the Soul Society?"
"Fooling around? Hardly. What I'm doing is of paramount importance."
"If that was a joke, it isn't funny. You know there's nothing to get out of me—no tactical advantage, no secret superpower—nothing. I would be of zero benefit to you as you are now."
You're too distressed to even think about reporting him to the higher-ups. It would've been futile, anyway.
"You shouldn't put yourself down so easily. Besides, that's not why I'm here. I want to-"
"Go. Just leave. I don't want to see you anymore. You've hurt too many people, myself included."
He stays silent for a few seconds.
"What happened to them was unfortunate, I admit. But-"
"But what? I'm not going to listen to you and your twisted logic. Leave."
There's nothing but disdain and caution in your eyes. It felt like he was toying with you all over again. What if he was going to hurt you, too? Even if you unsheathed your sword, you knew he'd overpower you.
Aizen remains composed as ever, never faltering. But unlike his usual confident self, he's not wearing an arrogant smirk. Suddenly, he takes slow, deliberate steps towards you, as if using the loud pulse of your heartbeat as a metronome, determined to unravel your harmony. You back away until the wall stops you.
With a thoughtful gaze, his hand carefully glides over your heart. "...Are you afraid of me? Do you hate me?"
It wasn't that you were afraid of him, no. You were afraid that you still loved him. And you hated that you loved him.
"I hate you."
His hand trails up to your cheek, cupping your pretty face. The other pulls you closer to him. It shocked you how somebody so cold could be so warm. He leans in, whispering to your ear.
"If you hate me, would you let me touch you like this?"
You gasp when Aizen kisses your neck, arm wrapping around you tighter. His breath shudders when your whimpers reach him—it was the sound of your defenses falling apart. He smirks contentedly at your delightful reactions as his lips target your weak spots.
But before he can properly enjoy you, your hands try to push him away. Panicking, you feel yourself nearly relinquish your being to him. "L-let go of me!"
"I won't let you go."
He selfishly continues his ministrations. To him, you were like a helpless kitten pawing at his chest.
"Sosuke! Please..."
He immediately pauses when he feels your tremors. His heart drops. Were you crying? Releasing you from his embrace, he watches you as tears fall from your face. If he was going to have you, he'd rather you give yourself to him by your own volition. And if you were going to cry, those tears should be out of joy and pleasure, not sorrow.
In between sobs, you manage to croak out a few words, "I can't do this. Not with you."
His hand guides itself to comfort you, but withdraws quickly. There's an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach, something he'd forgotten about long ago: guilt. It didn't suit him, he thought.
"How can you be so sure of that?"
"Shut up. Just go."
"I won't."
"You will."
"I cannot."
Weakly, you lift your head up to look at him, face ridden with anguish.
"Please."
Aizen never took orders from anyone, yet you bent him to his knees with such ease. Slowly distancing himself from your trembling figure, he turns away from you and exits the vicinity, fighting against the urge telling him to sprint back to you.
He knew he made his entrance as a fairytale prince far too late. A king wouldn't have bothered with wooing his sweetheart; there were more important matters to attend to, after all. His eyes narrow at this fact. How foolish.
There's a stinging sensation in his chest, but he ignores it. He ignores how you rejected him. How bitter you were. How beautiful you were. How his carnal desires threatened him to take you right then and there and prove his undying love for you. But what he couldn't dismiss was how he didn't wipe away your delicate tears, even as you were in front of him.
All he could do now was watch over you in the shadows. It didn't matter if he wanted you.
From the moment he fixated on toppling the heavens, it would never be possible for him to keep his promise of happiness to you.
——
Thx for reading! I want to point out that one of Aizen's lines is from an old video of a Bleach jump festa! I'll put a link to it here!! :^)
Honestly, when writing aizen, it doesn't make sense for him to have a happy ending with anybody (as depressing as that is lol). I still wrote one though!
