āHow sharper than a serpentās tooth is it to have a thankless child!ā
This motherās day, I wanted to do something different. I didnāt need the text from my older sister, reminding me. I didnāt buy a pink card, covered in flowers, hearts or teddies. Not even one I saw with cupcakes on it, though my mum wouldāve liked that. I put my feelings down in a letter instead. I wasnāt sure how to start, and the floor was littered with scrunched up pieces of paper by the time I finally found my flow. There are a lot of things I couldnāt ever say to her. Our relationship isnāt the hero-worship it once was. Now, I watch my words, tread lightly with criticism, and try to keep the peace. I need to talk to her, but she wonāt listen. I decided that the truth might be the best thing I could give her.
Ā Dear Mum,
Mum.
Ā I know Iām a pain in the ass. I know I donāt spend time with you. I donāt see your side of the family much, I donāt do the ironing enough, and I donāt tell you in advance if Iām going to be home for dinner or not. Iām rude when Iām stressed or tired, and I donāt help out with the gardening. I know. Iām sorry.
I donāt see your point of view half the time, and we argue over stupid things until weāre both screaming. Again, Iām sorry.
Ā I do want to say thank you though.
Thank you for leaving the hall light on, and the chain off the door, in case I decide to stay at yours after a night out.
Thank you for spending so much money so I could have the perfect 18th, though you couldnāt afford it.
Thank you for checking up on me, though I get annoyed when you do. It does mean a lot to know at least one person cares.
Thank you for not telling your friends how disappointed you were when I dropped out of school. I know you had such high hopes. Iāll try again one day. I promise.
Thank you for staying home from work to raise the three of us, and thank you for those days after school when weād all dance round the living room together.
Thank you for teaching me to read and write, for giving me an escape, even if itās often from you.
Thank you for always making sure thereās pizza in the freezer. Just in case.
Thank you for all the balloons.
Thank you for putting up with the friends I brought home that you didnāt like, but bore for my sake.
Thank you for comforting me when I found out those friends werenāt who I thought.
Thank you for believing I could do great things, even when I didnāt believe it myself.
Ā I know youāve been struggling. I know itās been hard to raise three girls. I know you think we donāt care, but we do. We just donāt show it enough.
Iāve been working all the time to pay back everything I owe you, and Iāve finally done it. So here, take this cheque and use it well.
Thank you for everything.
Ā Always your little girl,
Goneril x










