#ah?!

sometimes now she’ll tease him or get on his case if he’s being ‘lazy’ or not doing what she wants to do. she’s started saying ‘come on tennen boke!’

LOS QUIERO MUCHO!

y recuerden

coman mucho chocolate 

ya que estara en descuento desde mañana

o tambien coman rosas(?

[[Written in the cypher as before and reversed for extra security and adds the l code to it as well as the p code but posting the translation here for ease of audience at home]]

Having people seek me out will never not be a good kind of strange.

Iredess text me this morning about their experience from last night. It’s so strange this compulsion to want to…I shouldn’t want...to be their source. Right? Is this part of the allure everyone mentions in myths? I was-it feels so strange to say but I was jealous. That Iredess would go out and take from someone else. And it made me inexplicably happy that I got first place. I need to get it together. Because right now Iredess doesn’t want to want that and here I am holding back the offer every time it occurs to me.

And Cat mentioned also not hearing back from…But I am going to wait until Credence mentions not seeing him before I freak out and start a search party. Kine would be helpful for this specific group in case- but! Anyways! I was fine to wait until later.

And I tried to study but I couldn’t think. At least not about stuff I should probably be learning about. So I wrote to get it all out on paper but nothing fit right until I made it into categories. Even one for in case he hates me. And I was just finishing up the one for the last one when I got that text from Credence telling me he was running away and a few from Catherine. So I shoved everything in my backpack.

It was really nice to be with my boys. But what Nate says has me worried about him. And the thread with the fertility goddess is ringing bells in my head. Something is there. Something I should be focusing on. But I can’t grasp what yet especially since the boys were theorizing out loud and just so unsure of what Jessica knows and doesn't. I need to spend more time with Credence. He is starting to act more like the other two in that he won’t just ask.

I was so confused because he’s my boy and always asks me if I’m accidentally vague. It comes with the territory of being so close to El Mas Aya for me.And he always just asks and wheedles stuff out of me. It’s strange he isn’t doing so now. All I had to do was ask. And promise cookies. It really isn’t that hard? Credence is getting too much exposure to boys. I need to set up some time with him and Kine or Caroline. Cat might be too counterintuitive to that though since she is a little too much like me.

But after I was done I just couldn't stop feeling so anxious so I left. And snuck the letters into Gil’s pocket and walked away to hopefully get some herb cataloging done. But he caught up to me and came home with me and read all my letters. Well. Almost all of them? He tore up the one about hating me and threatened to burn it. It…that made me feel good.

Even if it was a little insulting that he would burn my work, it was more of a comfort that he never even wanted it and never thought to open it to read it. He wants me in his life too. So no matter what I feel comfortable knowing that. That this won’t be like last time. I can make mistakes and he won’t hate me. That he sees me. He won’t leave me. Not before…not before he has to. And he…he said it back. And I am so embarrassed by how that last line went but I blame Credence because he ran to my location so I didn't finish writing and–i really can’t blame anyone but myself. I was too nervous writing and just…blurted everything out.

But he said it back. And he feels the same :) He said it back. And humored me. And said it back and I just-aah?? And I let him know he can pursue N but just to tell me. Even if I did get a little jealous. I can handle it. I want him to get with N but I also…it’s just a little jealousy and not of N but that N is the person who can just readily admit that he likes someone.

But Gil said he liked my gardens. :)

And that he wanted to be officially dating. Mine. MiNE. MINE. I am allowed to be selfish and girly here. Just once. Mine.

I need to get a handle on my plants and feelings though.

It’s going to be embarrassing if I keep sprouting roses and lilacs everywhere.

On the bright side I have so many roses for my hair tonight.

Mine.