#agonyuncle

Stolen from my pal @stagedivephotos 😜😜😜 #agonyuncle #manadvice #hesnotwrong #cartroubles (at West Midlands)

Dear Kwaki I am a teenage girl who recently matriculated and am now studying at University, the thing is I am a virgin and truthfully speaking the thought of sex scares me and I find it disgusting. I hear my friends talking about it all the time and sometimes I am forced to lie because the only thing I have ever done is kiss, which I enjoy a lot. Am I normal ??I consider myself to be quite attractive and I have been getting lots of attention from fellow male students and there is one I am interested in, what do I do???? Virgin Dear Virgin For a while there you got me thinking I had got an e-mail from Richard Branson until I read your message. I am impressed you even survived high school without losing your virginity from what I hear some kindergarten kids have more experience than you. Anyway the way you talk about sex I presume you expected that the first guy to chow you would use a fork and knife. Sex is disgusting, it was meant to be enjoyed that way. It is a pleasurable process which has bodily fluids flying in all sorts of directions, you will get to kiss some guy who has morning breath the next day. That is just the way it is and the sooner you get off your high horse and realise this, the better your first time will be. Bear in mind sex is an aquired taste, it gets better with time and more exploration of yourself to find out the best positions that give you the required satisfaction so masturbate a lot. Be safe at all times trust no one and never do something out of pressure. Usually I am an asshole when answering people but you caught me in a good mood, i just had sex ..... so you see it cant be that bad. Kwaki

Dear Kwaki I do not know what it is about me but I feel that whenever my intentions are good with a woman she loses interest in me but when they are not I have to use a scapel to scrape them off my dick, is there something wrong with being nice to a woman? Please help!!! Yours truly  Kwaki Dear Kwaki (ok this is begining to sound reduntant) First of all do you realize you are talking to yourself? That being said I have answered your question, of course there is something wrong with you, you bloody moron....stop using your emotions and start using your erections seeing as the latter seem to get you laid. Of course you are not to blame entirely, women are hypocrites they say one thing and do another. There is one fundamental secret to understanding the female species ..... never expect them to act rationally. That being said I know you still love whatshername... I mean this anonymous woman you are talking about but ask yourself (which is what you are doing right now-this is getting confusing) is she worth it, I mean just because she is beautiful, has the voice of an angel, a freak in bed and you love her with all your heart (whats left of it anyway) and miss her with all your body .... damn man you messed up our lives, what the hell posessed you to let her go? Ahhh well Kwaki

( ahh.... I don't even have a come back for this one)

Dear Kwaki What can I do about all the sex, nudity, language and violence on my DVD player?  (Get a new DVD Player or new DVD's whichever will cost your stupid ass more) Dear Uncle Kwaki I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive, and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him. (I think I know you) Dear Kwaki Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own? (Because his own is ignorant, that's why) Dear Uncle Kwaki I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now, how do I get out? (I got married to have sex, now that I have had it how do I get out.... ok maybe yours is a bit complicated, try quitting) Dear Kwaki  My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist a visit an hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy. (Nice observation) Dear Uncle Kwaki Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little gift?I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't, and he did it. (I am just confused here) Dear Kwaki My mother is mean and short-tempered.I think she is going through her mental pause. (Seems like your mental just stopped) Dear Kwaki I read a certain Agony Aunties column where she told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor.Well, my husband lost all interest in sex years ago and he is a doctor. (You got it bad)

Kwaki