#self medication

Because no, he’s not just the drunk guy who stumbles in, cracks a joke, and swings a sword. That’s the surface-level read, and it’s lazy as hell.

He drinks like someone who never learned how to turn his brain off without chemical help. Not “haha he likes ale” but “this is a pattern of self-soothing that’s clearly been going long and no one has helped him.” The show doesn’t treat it like a cute quirk either—he’s always reaching for it, always already halfway into it, like sobriety is just something he tolerates between rounds.

And I swear to god, the laughter gets weaponised against him in how people read him. Like if a character is funny, apparently they can’t also be damaged or complex or carrying shit they don’t talk about. As if humour is not one of the most common fucking coping mechanisms in existence. He jokes because the alternative is sitting in silence long enough to feel what’s actually there, and clearly that’s not something he’s interested in doing.

But here’s the part that really pisses me off: he is not stupid. He is not empty. He is not “just vibes and jokes.” The man consistently chooses loyalty in situations where he gains nothing from it. He shows up. He stays. He fights. Not because it’s easy, not because it’s rewarded, but because for all his messiness, he actually gives a shit about people once he’s decided they’re his problem too.

And people still go “haha funny drunk knight.”

Like are you serious?

He is reckless, yes. He is loud, yes. He self-medicates, yes. But none of that cancels out the fact that he is also observant, loyal as hell, and clearly operating with a worldview shaped by instability, loss, and not having the luxury of believing things will just stay good if you behave properly.

That’s the point.

He doesn’t behave like someone who trusts the world. He behaves like someone who’s learned the world doesn’t give a fuck and decided to laugh anyway while still showing up for it.

So yeah, if your reading stops at “comic relief,” you didn’t interpret the character.

You just didn’t bother looking at him properly.

The tragedy, if there is one, is not that he is comic.

It is that people keep mistaking his coping mechanisms for a lack of interiority.

I hope all you mothers got the good kind of flowers today 🥹💚

i ordered a reagan era pin for less than $5 off etsy a few weeks ago and it came in today

just friendly reminder that the war on drugs we just a way to target black and brown people living in the US. the war on drugs hasn't stopped drugs. it's filled private prisons and rich white rehab centers

we stop people hurting themselves with drugs when we start taking mental healthcare seriously and treating the root of their mental illness. there is a reason that the millennial generation is the drunkest and the most uninsured. drugs don't require insurance and some of them are available on doordash

(We won’t be immediately jumping into trying any more yet. This is just so that we know which ones that the test thinks will work with my brain chemistry.)

I did the one for stimulants and it ruled out everything except Adderall and Vyvanse which there weren’t any markers for. I was on Adderall as a child and maaaybe in the far future I might try it again. We know Vyvanse doesn’t work for me.

Anyway, that’s today’s life update. I’m currently medicated with tic tacs and a glass of root beer. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Just put down some guard rails in case it DOES break in the future. (Knowing which meds to try when I decide I can’t handle LIFE without)

Dentist said I have no cavities (after half a year of using sugar as medication, but making sure to brush twice daily via the finch app) so the biggest self medication problem doesn’t have a leg to stand on!

Pretty little addict

Don’t know when to quit

Pretty little liar

Take another hit

Is she hooked on attention

Hooked on all the drugs

She will use you and abuse you