#advantage

The electric atmosphere at Selhurst Park crackled with anticipation this afternoon as champions Arsenal, fresh off a relentless title charge, locked horns with a spirited Crystal Palace side. Yet, despite their customary dominance, the Gunners found themselves locked in a frustrating stalemate at the half, primarily due to a profligate Gabriel Jesus and a sensational Dean Henderson between the…

At the Tennessee capitol in Nashville, protesters demonstrated on Thursday against legislation that would break up the state’s only Democratic seat. The new map would give Republicans a better chance at winning every congressional seat in November. Ed O’Keefe reports. Source link

I LOVE my boyfriend. We have been dating for about 8 months, and he is a stellar, attentive boyfriend. The sex is great, he makes me feel special, and I know he is there for me. He is an immigrant from Dubai, and to add a layer of drama, he is married in order to obtain citizenship. The marriage isn't real and all parties involved are aware of the situation, so this is mainly extraneous detail. Mainly. He works two jobs because he has to support both himself and his wife to an extent. When she temporarily lost her benefits, he was responsible for everything. Most nights are spent at my house. I wouldn't mind, but we are both light sleepers so we don't sleep in the same bedroom. He never asks, and has even insisted he would sleep in the living room, but I'm having a hard time asking for him to do that. I want him to have a safe space after his long days. But I am human, and I want my bed, y'know? The other issue is that he's a tornado. I do laundry, clean, help cook, typical house-husband stuff, but I have a full time job as an area director for a restaurant group. It's getting frustrating to clean, watch the plates pile up, and then do so again on repeat. It's getting to the point where I'm getting behind on laundry and I just. don't. want. to. do. it. On another topic, the other day he asked me to drive to a town 30 minutes away to buy a speciality meat (1 hour total trip). While I don't work the same hours as he does, I still value my time. Sometimes I just want to be lazy. Is that acceptable? I really care about him and I'm happy to do things to show I care. To me it's about the frequency. He's such a caring, wonderful guy. None of the things I mentioned are ways he is trying to "take advantage." I just need to find a middle ground. I'm not sure how I should approach things in a way that conveys I am willing to do many things for him but need to see some concessions in other areas (maybe like a, you cook it you clean it mentality?) . I also don't want to be so rigid that he feels he can't ever ask me to do things. Relationships always include doing things out of love and not convenience, so I don't want it to seem like I'm only here for the parts that benefit me.

First, I need to disabuse you of a notion. His marriage IS real. A marriage is a legal contract. That's real. That exists. The romantic/sexual relationship may or may not be real, but the marriage is extremely real.

Now.

You mention being a house-husband, but you don't mention this man supporting you. You are very specific that he supports himself and his wife. You have your own job. Full time. Therefore, you are not and cannot be a house husband.

If he lives at your place, whether that's full-time or most of the time, then he helps out with domestic duties period. That's how living together works. If he is unwilling to do that, then he cannot stay at your place. That's just taking advantage of you. I mean, is he even pitching in on any of the bills??? He lives there, that'd be bare minimum. He's causing the costs to rise, he needs to at least offer to cover that. Like, I'm sorry he's found himself in a tough situation, but this is the situation he chose. If he can't give any of himself to another relationship outside of his wife, then he needs to sort out his situation before dating around.

Realistically, I also need you to sit down and get extremely honest with yourself about what the long-term viability of this relationship is. What do you want from a relationship and can this one provide that to you? What is the timeline for him and his wife getting a divorce or is he always going to be financially supporting another adult outside of your relationship? Do you ever want to get married? How would him being married to someone else impact you if you wanted kids? What if he and his wife have kids for cultural/familial reasons?