#admin devin

｡* ☀ Bonizumo Week  2017 ☀ *｡

Welcome, everyone to Bonizumo Week 2017!  (✿´꒳`)ﾉ° Bonizumo Week is an entire week celebration dedicated to the relationship of Ryuji “Bon” Suguro and Izumo Kamiki from the manga/anime Blue Exorcist.

This is our first ever Bonizumo Week! and we’ve worked hard on it and choosing the prompts; so we hope you will enjoy and join the celebration! as we celebrate our dedicated Dragoon/Aria and Tsundere Tamer exorcists in training and the relationship they share.

｡* ☀ BONUS DAY ☀ *｡

October 31st /  Day 8: Halloween Fun

｡* ☀ October 11th  – 17th  2017 || Prompts per Day  ☀ *｡

Day 1: First Impressions Day 2: Bickering Day 3: Love / Hate Day 4: Flustered Day 5: Comfort Day 6: AU / Alternate Universe  Day 7: New Perspective

You can use the prompts as you wish, they are meant to inspire and help (BUT they are also optional and not required to use) use your imagination and creativity - and have fun!

Tag all your works with #BonizumoWeek and/or #BonizumoWeek2017

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*** please be sure to read the Rules and Guidelines here it’s important, so you know what is do’s/don’ts. 

banner graphic by: @flower-of-assiah​

Hello!  ー( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

We are happy to finally announce Bonizumo Week 2017 will be happening October 11th — 17th! which is an event celebrating the relationship between Ryuji “Bon” Suguro & Izumo Kamiki from the series Blue Exorcist. we’re still planning the prompts but soon we will make the official info post; with all the necessary information!. 

We will do our best to make the event fun! and we hope you will participate in the fun in the first ever Bonizumo Week! *。ヾ(｡>ｖ<｡)ﾉﾞ*。

First off: everybody please read this becuase it took a very long time to type up and… no that’s about the only reason tbh. 

I kinda wanted to avoid writing a very long post on something so vague but here we go!

Well there probably isn’t a completely ideal place to start, but the definitions of dissociation is as good as any.  

One of the non-medical definitions for dissociation is simply:

the disconnection or separation of something from something else or the state of being disconnected.

The psychiatric definition, as given in the DSM 5 is:

The splitting off of clusters of mental contents from conscious awareness. Dissociation is a mechanism central to dissociative disorders. The term is also used to describe the separation of an idea from its emotional significance and affect, as seen in the inappropriate affect in schizophrenia. Often a result of psychic trauma, dissociation may allow the individual to maintain allegiance to two contradictory truths while remaining unconscious of the contradiction. An extreme manifestation of dissociation is dissociative identity disorder, in which a person may exhibit several independent personalities, each unaware of the others.

(As a side note, “independent personalities” is actually incorrect? Why the latest version of the DSM has that phrasing I have no clue. It should be “independent identities” not personalities. That’s a HUUUUGE misnomer and shame on the APA for not changing that)

While it may not be completely accurate, I like to think of dissociation in three groups. One is just the bare dictionary definition. I call it the basic, or simple dissociation.  Another is dissociative symptoms, which is dissociative acts, emotions, etc, that are symptoms of a psychiatric disorder such as schizophrenia or BPD. And the third is dissociative disorders, which is a disorder that falls under the dissociative disorders category, oddly enough.

So recap on terms I’ll use:

Basic dissociation - the dictionary definition

Dissociative symptoms -  acts, feelings, or emotions that are symptoms or criteria for a psychiatric disorder (such as BPD, schizophrenia, depression, PTSD). 

Dissociative disorders -  a psychiatric, usually trauma based, disorder under the dissociative disorder category in the DSM. 

While these may not be completely and technically accurate, it’s what personally helps me when I think about the huge range of dissociation. 

When it comes to the basic dictionary meaning of dissociation; we do it and use it all the time. If you have a group of friends and you cut ties with them; you’ve dissociated with them. Getting a divorce is a legal dissociation with your (ex)spouse. A company stops doing deals with another group due to a conflict of interest; they have now disassociated with each other. I personally use the word a lot in my writing as such and I am sure many of you have used it too, or at least a close synonym. 

There are a lot of dissociative symptoms that can be experienced in the breadth of mental illness. However I want everybody to note that it’s the dosage that makes the poison. I’m sure you’ve all zoned out at one time or another, either during class, watching a movie, reading, sitting down doing nothing, etc. That is actually dissociation. BUT most of the population does that, especially when tired or stressed. And even a good third of the population has experienced depersonalisation or derealisation at least once in their life. 

When such things happen on a regular basis and become a chronic issue is when they turn from a relatively harmless natural reaction, to an illness or symptom of something larger. 

For example, many disorders often have types of dissociation symptoms as either effects of a disorder, or criteria for it. Dissociation under extreme stress is actually the 9th criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder. But I think that is jumping ahead of ourselves. 

Then of course there are Dissociative Disorders hallmarked by the fact it causes a disruption or discontinuity with memory, identity, emotion, perceptions, motor control, behaviour and more. Basically it messes up how you would normally interact with yourself, your thoughts and your environment on a hugely drastic scale. I’m talking about so large scale that it affects everything in your life. Ussually a DD is a result of trauma, though very very rarely it may not. Remember that dissociation is a coping method and most commonly used (negatively) in responce to traumatic stimuli. 

More on dissociation from a psychiatric view in general!

So here is a brief run down of various dissociative symptoms:

Feeling disconnected from yourself physically (numbing of pain or sensations)

Feeling disconnected from yourself emotionally (numbing of emotions such as not feeling very sad in event of a death)

Sudden, unexpected shifts in mood without reason

feelings that the world is not real

memory issues such has inability to remember things

inability to focus/zoning out

lapses in memory such as unaccounted time

compulsions to act in certain ways (especially ways you may not normally)

confusion about one’s identity, who they are; behaving in ways that counter their normal behaviour/personality

Dissociation can be classed into two types: positive and negative. Now, it’s REALLY important to note that positive doesn’t mean good, nor negative mean bad.

Positive dissociation are intrusions of one’s awareness or behaviour such as; depersonalization, derealisation, or identity changes. 

Negative dissociation are losses of control or inability to access memory such as amnesia or fugue states. 

Two really important dissociative states that’s important to know is depersonalization and derealisation. Simply put depressionalisation is feeling like you are not real, or feeling detached from yourself, body, or mind. Derealization is feeling like reality is not real or that the environment you are in is not real. 

But I think it’s important to define them further. 

Depersonalization- It’s often described as being an “out of body experience” or as if you are not “in” your body. Sometimes it’s felt as being completely alienated from one’s body, like looking in the mirror and not being able to recognise yourself. It’s also often described as feeling like the body is a puppet, and not your own. 

Derealization - Often time it’s described as the world looking fake, far away, or foggy. Or it looks like you are watching a movie, but not in it.

I’m not quite ready to go onto dissociative disorders themselves yet. Instead we are going to take a look at the range of psychiatric disorders that have dissociative symptoms in them.  

Note I’ve garnered these simply by CTRL+F and searching for “dissociation” and “dissociative” in the DSM 5 instead of going and reading the whole book. (I’m skipping the Dissociative Disorder Section for obvs reasons)

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Acute Stress Disorder

Conversion Disorder (Functional Neurological Symptom Disorder)

Binge Eating Disorder

(Quite a few drug and substance abuse/addiction disorders)

Borderline Personality Disorder

Schizophrenia

Panic Disorder 

Delirium

And while not specifically mentioned in the DSM these also can have dissociative symptoms:

Bipolar Disorder (any non unipolar included)

Major Depressive Disorder (and any unipolar included)

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder

Basically all anxiety disorders

Pretty much all eating disorders

Insomnia and other sleep disorders

Gender Dysphoria

Neurological and non-psychiatric diseases that dissociation is a cognitive symptom of:

Amyotropic Lateral Sclerosis

Alzheimers

Multiple Sclerosis

Neuroborreliosis (Lyme disease)

Labyrinthitis

Vestibular Neuronitis

Epilepsy (especially Temporal Lobe Epilepsy)

Other things that can cause dissociation:

Migraines or really bad headaches

Stress

tricyclic antidepressiants

sleep deprivation

being really sick or malnourished

intoxication (legal/illegal drugs and alcohol)

withdrawal from addiction

head injuries

military training geared on suppressing empathy to make it easier to kill other people

caffeine 

As you can see, there are a lot of things can cause feelings of dissociation! And it’s very much not limited to just psychiatric issues either. Seriously, you can zone out and be dissociating for no reason and so long as it’s not chronic, it’s healthy and normal. For the most part people will experience them in situations of stress or sleep deprivation.

Now that we have those out of the way I think we are ready to jump into Dissociative Disorders themselves. As of the DSM 5 (published May of 2013) there are three main types (and one “other specified DD” and one “Unspecified DD”)

Dissociative Identity Disorder (formally known as Multiple Personality Disorder) is probably the one everybody knows about. It is the subject of many stories and film, especially horror. 

It is the most severe and long lasting of all the types of DD’s and is hallmarked by the presence of two or more distinctive identities or “personality states” and often take control of an individual (generally called the host) which often causes an inability to recall personal information that can not be defined by just “forgetfulness”.

Generally there are an average of 2-4 alters or “headmates” but it’s also common to see 13-15 different alters emerge over time especially during the course of treatment. Most of the time the host is not aware of these alters, and if they are it’s VERY VERY rare for hem to be aware of all of them. 

Alters split from the core identity generally in responce to extreme trauma (starting under the age of… 6 I believe. it’s nearly impossible to start splitting older than that if you’ve never done so before). Various alters may take control of the host during different situations as most were formed for particular situations. In DID, it’s common to have alters of various ages, genders, sexualities, and even… degrees of helpfulness. Infact often there are alters that are actually very harmful to the host as they may be reckless, purposely hurt themselves, be abusive to others, etc. 

Because of the vary conversational nature of DID and not helped by its extreme rareness… this isn’t much known on this disorder. Much of what is heard or known is either incorrect or blatant lies. And… unfortunately it’s a very… popular illness to fake or roleplay for fun or attention especially on the internet. *squints angrily at tumblr* 

Dissociative Amnesia actually used to be two different disorders but was combined in the DSM 5! But anyways, DA is an inability to recall important information about yourself caused by trauma or stress. It is unlike normal forgetfulness due to it’s chronic or severe nature, such as…. forgetting people you know or your name. This amnesia can NOT be caused by a substance, head injury, or a different psychiatric disorder such as PTSD or a neurocognative disorder. 

DA can last for several days or several years. It is classified by four categories:

Localised amnesia – for a time, the person has no memory of the traumatic event at all. For example, following an assault, a person with localised amnesia may not recall any details for a few days.

Selective amnesia – the person has patchy or incomplete memories of the traumatic event.

Generalised amnesia – the person has trouble remembering the details of their entire life.

Systematised amnesia – the person may have a very particular and specific memory loss; for example, they may have no recollection of one relative.

As of the DSM 5, what was formally known as Dissociative Fugue (or psychogentic fugue) is now a subtype of DA. A fugue state is when a person suddenly does not know who they are or have any memory of their past. Generally they have no idea they are having a loss of memory and will invent a new persona. One of the hallmarks of a fugue state is purposeful travel. Somebody with DF may travel long distances from home, thousands of miles even, and the fugue state may last hours or months. When somebody comes out of a DF state they generally have no memory of the new identity they had made for themselves and had been using. 

Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder used to be two different disorders but was also recently classed together in the DSM 5 due to their similarity and the fact they were often comorbid. Basically this is just really chronic depressionalization and/or derealization. 

Uh, there probably is still more I could say but I am really tired of typing the word dissociation and I totally forgot where I was going with this. 

Of course, please note that I am very much not an expert in dissociative disorders and it’s something I’ve not read a lot of literature on so I could be wrong on a lot of things.

So… if you have any specific questions, I’ll be happy to elaborate. 

~Devin

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It could be that they are raised. You really can’t cover something like that. I mean, you COULD put that’d require things like costume and theatre makeup.

Also practice and good quality make up is key. If you have old or even just drugstore brand make up, then it isn’t going to do as great of a job as the higher quality stuff. Though, the good thing abuot the more expensive cosmetics is that you need less of them AND you can dilute them with drugstore brands becuase mall quality makeup has a LOT of pigments in them. Kinda like the difference between student paint and professional paint: student paint has more binder and filler, where has professional has no filler and more pigments. 

It may be worth saving and investing in a high quality concealer. I hear the Kat Von D Tattoo concealer works like a charm. However it is VERY expensive. THOUGH there is a perfect dupe out there;Hard Candy's Glamoflauge Concealer. That is only 6 bucks and you can get it at wallmart. (vs that kat von d which is 30 USD for the same amount at sephora)

However, other people are irrelevant. Hurting others becuase you have exposed scars  -scars which THEY don’t have to bare, scars which THEY didn’t inflict, scars which THEY don’t have to reap the consequences of, scars which THEY  didn’t have to deal the anguish and mental illness which lead to their existence- should be so, SO low on the list as to be practically invisible. 

I don’t mean to sound harsh, but honestly... they being “hurt” is so much more insignificant than the hurt YOU have to deal with, and the hurt you had to deal with which caused them to be in the first place. They are secondary. 

EVERYBODY is secondary to YOU. 

YOU. And ONLY you need to be first in your life.

Everybody else can deal with a few unashamedly exposed scars. They don’t impact their lives except as a reminder of something uncomfortable she wish to simply be swept under a rug. 

Well too damned bad. YOU can’t sweep that shit under a rug, so why should you bend over to make sure they can. 

It’s bullshit. 

Complete bullshit. 

Don’t cover yourself for the comfort of others. Don’t make yourself small becuase it least offends another. Don’t not speak out becuase you fear an opinion. Don’t make YOURSELF uncomfortable becuase it might bother somebody else. 

Be selfish. 

Note, I have a personal bias against the term “alcholism” and kinda alcholic. I generally refer to such as just alcohol addict/addiction. 

I’ll include the DSM 5 criteria for alcohol abuse at the bottom. 

But in general, the consensus boils down to having symptoms of dependence and/or misuse. 

Symptoms of dependence are:

having strong cravings for it often

an inability to control or limit the amount or times you drink

an increasing tolerance to it thus having to drink more and more inorder to actually get drunk

and having withdrawals when you are not drinking consistently. (withdrawal symtoms are: nausea, hallucinations, anxiety, panic attacks, sweating, shaking, vomiting, or even seizures)

Misuse would be:

drinking as a coping mechanism

drinking during improper hours (during work or school) or socially unacceptable hours (mornings, afternoons) 

start drinking when you wake up to steady yourself or get rid of a hangover

drinking is causing you societal, financial, or educational distress and interfering with your social life, school life, relationships, work, etc. 

constantly thinking about drinking or when you’ll get you next drink

A lot of literature pretty much agrees that if you even think you may have an alcohol abuse problem..  you probably do. OR if the people around you comment about such, then you probably do have a problem. 

Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) - DSM - 5

A problematic pattern of alcohol use leading to clinically significant impairment or distress, as manifested by at least two of the following, occurring within a 12 month period:

Alcohol is often taken in larger amounts or over a longer period than was intended.

There is a persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control alcohol use. 

A great deal of time is spent in activities necessary to obtain alcohol, use alcohol, or recover from its effects.

Craving, or a strong desire or urge to use alcohol.

Recurrent alcohol use resulting in a failure to fulfill major role obligations at work, school, or home.

Continued alcohol use despite having persistent or recurrent social or interpersonal problems caused or exacerbated by the effects of alcohol.

Important social, occupational, or recreational activities are given up or reduced because of alcohol use.

Recurrent alcohol use in situations in which it is physically hazardous.

Alcohol use is continued despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent physical or psychological problem that is likely to have been caused or exacerbated by alcohol. 

Tolerance, as defined by either of the following: a- A need for markedly increased amounts of alcohol to achieve intoxication or desired effect. b- A markedly diminished effect with continued use of the same amount of alcohol.

Withdrawal, as manifested by either of the following: a- The characteristic withdrawal syndrome for alcohol (refer to Criteria A and B of the criteria set for alcohol withdrawal). b- Alcohol (or a closely related substance, such

From what you have told me, I’d say you probably actually DO have at least a mild or moderate AUD.

PART 2: Either I pay a lot for a session where the MA covers a little... or they told me I would have to get off primary insurance and lie and say i pay rent to my parents so they treat me as a independent and then go get MA after that. But my parents won't do that. So now I'm stuck, I was really attached to this old therapist and I wasnt even going to talk to her but I did and now I feel my whole world crashing down again. I had really bad attachment issues with her and I only knew her (contd)PART 3: knew her for 2 weeks in a partial program. So now I feel like there is nothing left to do. I cant see the people i want. Im about to graduate and lose my school counselor too. and i have no family. I just want to die. I feel bad that is how the way i think. My mom says therapists can pick what insurance they take. if that's the case why won't they just accept mine. My therapist wants to meet for coffee to give me some names of other people but I just might die of emotional distress.

note: this is a LONG post so have fun scrolling!

I’ll start with the last bit about what your mom said about therapists picking and choosing which insurance they’ll take as it’ll either be the longest or shortest of what I have to say. 

You have to remember, above all, a therapist is running or part of a business. It is a business what they do. And a business needs to be able to make money and thrive, first and foremost. Can a therapist take any insurance? Generally yes, so long as that insurance covers mental health. But do they want to? NO. Not in the slightest. As you probably already know; not all insurance was created equally. 

For example, some don’t have mental health coverage at all, so obviously they can’t accept that insurance. You could still see that therapist, but you’ll have to pay with cash and that’s it. Which, actually for many reasons just paying out of pocket is better in the long run, but I’ll get to that later. 

Some insurances that DO have mental health plans still suck and are awful. There are some insurances that only cover “serious” illnesses and REQUIRE your therapist/doctor to give you a diagnosis from day one. For example, if you have a... typically “less dangerous” illness such as an Adjustment Disorder, Gender Disphoria (formally Gender Identity Disorder), probably Paraphillic Disorders (hopefully except pedophillia), okay I could probably peruse the DSM and come up with more “soft” disorders that insurance companies don’t like. 

In order to circumvent that, a therapist has to give you a more “dangerous” or “serious” diagnosis like Major Depressive Disorder, any bipolar disorder, any schizophernic disorder, etc. Things that are “serious”. EVEN IF YOU DON’T HAVE THEM, if they want to be able to teat you for what you do have, they have to lie. Which sucks. 

AND becuase your insurance company can look at your files any time they please to audit the situation, they have the ability to find out if your therapist lied on legal documents. Which hurt BOTH you and them. 

However! The main issue is actually that most insurance companies will FIGHT with your therapist to pay them. AND SOMETIMES THEY DON’T EVEN PAY THEM. And if they DO, a LOT of them time they’ll only pay anywhere from 30 - 75% of their normal fee. 

If a therapist is lucky, doing the insurance paperwork and getting it approved and paid may only take half an hour. IF they are lucky. However, it’s not uncommon, hell, its MORE common for a therapist to spend up to seven HOURS calling and emailing and fighting just to get paid. And of course, the time they take out of their day to do such isn’t rembursed or anything, which means often time there are some clients that may actually end up being equalling less than minimum wage. The money for a session isn’t just the 45 minutes you spend in their office; that also pays for all the out of session work a therapist has to do for your case. 

So a newer therapist just starting out MAY take any and all insurance. But once they become more popular and have more people wanting to see them than they can take on... well then they can be selective about who they see. As I said in the beginning, a business boils down to profit. If a therapist can take on cases where they know their insurance actually pays them fully and they don’t have to fight for it OR the client pays upfront in cash... then yeah! Its only completely logical that the therapist will take them. 

Now, that doesn't mean they can’t take anybody else, but I can’t at all blame them for turning away certain people. Hell, I WOULD. The time a therapist has to spend fighting with insurance companies is time they can’t spend relaxing, being with their family, dealing with their own mental health (WHICH IS SUPER IMPORTANT FOR A THERAPIST MIND YOU), or even actually working on your case. 

And actually with all the insurance reforms SO many therapists have NO idea what is going on. I’ve read so many stories of therapists literally crying and generally freaking out when trying to figure out what to do, how to do it, or when figuring out how royally they are being screwed now. The best way to avoid having to sit on a fellow therapist’s couch due to stress is to try and avoid dealing with insurance companies completely unless you know for sure how that company will act and won’t screw you completely. 

That doesn’t mean there AREN'T therapists that will take you or will take insurance, or take cases they know ahead of time will be problematic. Some will take your case because they want to or really think they can help you, or they are willing to fight insurance companies, or they are just starting out and will take any client that comes their way. 

In life you need to come first. Always you. And in many cases, therapist not taking somebody becuase they don’t want the stress of fighting with insurance companies is just them putting themselves first. In the long run, it gives them more time to take on more cases, and also without the added stress they can give their patients a better quality of service! Personally I’d much rather have a therapist that was doing okay and responsible to ONLY me (not my insurance company), then a stressed out therapist that is being bent over the table and screwed by my insurance. A happy therapist is a better therapist. And a bad therapist can do more harm than not seeing one at all. 

OKAY. Now onto the rest of your ask. 

Honestly I think if you are having attachment issues with your old therapist, it may actually be a good idea to sever your processional relationship now before it starts to hurt you. Dependency is can be very detrimental. It actually may be very helpful for you to start a new relationship with  new therapist. If attachment issues with this one arises, you can work through it under their guidance. It very may well work out better for you than if you fought to stay with the one you want now. 

I would HIGHLY suggest you met up with your old therapist and take her recommendations on other people you can see and that can help you. Its actually a super awesome opportunity and you lose nothing but time for trying.  Of anybody, she is more likely to have a solution or recommendation than either of us to be honest. 

As for your parents/insurance... you parents are being unreasonable. If there is no reason why they can’t say you are paying rent then it’s silly they refuse to work with you. I can understand a fear of getting into trouble, but I can’t imagine the chance of that is very high. I don't know much about how these things work, I’m just a silly kid with a blog please remember that I have no training on anything, but off the top of my head... all I can think of finding a way to get your parents to drop your from their insurance completely. I don't know if your new one would automatically replace it or if you’d have to refile. Hell, I don’t even know if you could get the insurance to drop you yourself or if you’d have to get parental permission OR if they’d even be willing to do so. Either way you are automatically dropped when you are 25 or 24 so there is that? I know that’s a long ways away though...

Pretty much all I got for you is to encourage your to meet up with your old therapist and see what she has to say. 

Feeling lost and upset and probably just done with this all is COMPLETELY understandable. I feel your pain, I really do. Life and this adulthood nonsense is just a total mess. But, I do assure you that even if this seems like an insurmountable, unmanageable mess.... it isn't. You just don’t have the experience or knowledge right now. That’s fine! But there ARE those out there that have been then, and do know what is going on and can guide you through this messy maze of life. LET them guide you. Ask questions. Explore. But don’t give up just yet.

(2) My head is at war with itself. It's almost like I can feel whatever it is physically inside my head right now. I guess it's probably just the stress of it? I actually stopped taking my antidepressants without informing my doctor, I didn't really do it deliberately though, but I've not took them for so long. I've also not been back in touch with him since he gave me the numbers of counselors and I'm worried about what he might say about that. Because I don't really want a counselor - I just

(3) kinda want to feel at ease or something... I'm really struggling at the moment I guess. I don't know how much of this I can say because I'm really worried about triggering content. But today I bought some tablets and plan to keep on buying them so the next time I feel as bad as I have been recently (My moods feel so chaotic) I'll be able to do something properly about it... I don't know, I'm sorry if that sounds really awful. I'm really sorry for the huge asks, but thank you SO much for this

btw if you have triggering content you wish to talk about you can come off anon and request private answer or put a tw: [content]. We’ll tag it with the appropriate things. REMEMBER TO BLACKLIST “GRAPHIC” IF EASILY TRIGGERED. Our graphic tag has things that are not bad enough to delete or ban, but probably warrants a warning. 

Not every person with BPD is going to have the same experiences or symptoms. Even then there are various “subtypes” of the disorder. How BPD affects and presents in me is not the same way as it affects and presents in my friends, and vise versa. You should be able to dig up more information on specifically that by digging through our BPD tag

Each doctors practice differently. Some are more referral happy and will give them out for as many things as possible. Some not so much. However, something you can always do is ASK for a referral or recommendation to see a psychologist and/or psychiatrist. GP’s or family doctors, by their nature and training, can prescribe and monitor psychiatric medicine but they can’t do therapy. And becuase that’s not the specialisation, it’s always best to see an actual psychiatrist. 

Doctors that have to deal with mental health and people in need of mental healthcare know how... stubborn or finicky people can be. Your doctor might be vaguely disappointed (but patients not following up with treatment is always pretty awful to see becuase you are trying to help them and the like) but he is not likely to get mad. Maaaybe you’ll get a short lecture about how important follow-ups are. Though, you probably will get the whole “stopping medications on your own is DANGEROUS AS FUCK spiel. But, those things are reckless to do, so just listen if you doctor has things to say about it. They are earnestly trying to help. 

I don’t exactly have stats, but I do recall reading that psych patients had really high rates of not following through with treatments be they therapy or medication. Or at least they do compared to other sorts of patients. 

Right now I know you really are not looking for a therapist, but I want you to at least give it a shot. They, more than anything, will be able to help you sort through and properly cope with these current feelings. Medication can help you, especially help calm things down, but therapy is what teaches you HOW to manage things. 

I want you to do me a favour now, alright? Make it your goal to throw out at least one package of tablets everyday. If you are not sure you can do that, then try at least one package a week. Even if you literally through them out one pill a day at a time, I will be very proud of you and you’ll be moving forwards. If it helps keep you motivated you can tell me every time you do!

As for your moods and thoughts, I want you to try and start keeping therapy journal of sorts. There are several exercises you can do in your journal. The two I really recommend are the thoughts record and mood diary. You may also want to give my DBT workbooks a look. At least read some of the material even if you don’t work on the excerices. Psychoeducation is super important becuase even ifyou are not ready to tackle what is going on, at least you know a bit more about it so you don’t feel quite so lost or overwhelmed. 

I am SUPER DUPER SORRY that my responce took so long, but I hope this helps. 

If y'all REALLY truly want to fight me on this and be wrong to my face, please do so on my personal blog Mieyth-Wolftear otherwise I'm just going to delete them from the SHP inbox.