#admin adrienne

I’m finally in grad school for social work! Yayyy! Almost done (long term followers know this has always been my dream). I’ve started taking some individual clients. One of them has a history of cutting, it frequently comes up in our sessions.

Typically I would avoid being specific about my experience (for example, “yeah people who self harm sometimes ….” Instead of “in my experience…”) but my problem is that I have very visible and very obvious scars from cutting, that I feel weird if I don’t talk about my history at least a little.

In the field I’m working in, substance misuse treatment, there are many people with lived experience who talk about their experiences often. We do disclose a lot, but disclosing too much can make the lines in the relationship blurred and can cause people to question my ability to help them.

So, if any of you still use this platform, how would you feel about a therapist or yours talking about their history of self harm? What would be an appropriate way of talking about it?

TIA!

Warning: I talk a lot about scars in this peice so if that triggers anyone in anyway please stop reading.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, I have a question about getting scarification to mimick self-harm scars. I really love the look of scars. I personally think they are gorgeous and feel very comfortable and confident because of my scars. With that being said, I hate that the only way for me to get the scars I love so much is through self-harm. Self-harm makes me feel horrible because I don’t really like the extensive pain I have to go through to get the scars I want. I just want the scars there quickly and not in a way that I could get a really bad infection. I really want to be able to get these scars done by someone else (professionally) because I don’t like doing this to myself. I’m unsure if my reasons for scarification is unhealthy or bad in any sort, I just want to feel happy with my body and don’t know of any other way I could get this done.

You’re not dumb for having those feelings and urges. they are completely normal for people who have a history of self harm. it takes effort to maintain and shit, 8 years is really amazing and I am so proud of you. I think your feelings are normal. But they do suck, it is hard to deal with them and it’s a reason why so many people relapse so often. I’ve talked before about how self harm and the urges can become chronic. Many of us deal with those urges for a very very long time, but its okay, and it doesn’t make us dumb.When you get those urges, are there particular things that trigger it? like situations or feelings? it might help to try to identify if there is anything that triggers it. also, did these urges just barely start happening again, or was it something that has been going on the whole time? 

you have been doing SO WELL. Honestly. You have pushed through so much. I think a lot of us understand those urges, including me. every time we push past them we get better at it. It’s possible that this is just one particular time or phase where you have the urges, and over time they might fade or stop. But think if there is anything that is triggering them and maybe you can address it. 

I think that you can talk to your therapist about your fears about going on meds. it’s something that a lot of people worry about. I know a couple people who were really opposed to the idea of taking medications, one of them started using meds and then was able to get her life together, but one of them doesn’t take any meds and is really struggling. I can tell you, medications saved my life.  I would not be here if I weren’t taking meds for my mental illness. It can definitely help, even if there are some risks, the payoff is worth possibly having to try a couple different meds. The problem is when people are being medicated against their will or to cover up environmental reasons for people being depressed. 

I don’t think its a bad thing to bring your friend along, but they probably won’t be allowed into the session. they could definitely go with you and wait in the lobby and then go with you home. 

for first visits it’s mostly about doing intake, they talk to you about what is going on, you tell them so basic stuff about yourself and just kind of general problems that you have. they won’t get too far into anything quite yet. You could talk to them about the meds like, “someone suggested going on medications, but I’m kind of worried about that, what do you think?”. odds are they have had that conversation with a lot of other people. I think that the overall consensus of people in the mental health field is that meds can improve symptoms A LOT. Otherwise they’ll usually be asking you pretty basic questions. It takes time to develop rapport and a good relationship with your therapist. They know that its important for there to be trust before delving into the deeper stuff. 

Good luck! 

I’m sorry, I don’t expect any massive help but I am feeling quite desperate. It sounds pathetic, but I’ll go right into it. Basically last night I showered and the water got quite high, we have a walk in shower with glass doors and it flooded whilst i was showering but I didn’t think anything of it and was too tired to care much. When I left the shower however, the full extent of the damage became clear. The whole of the carpeted bathroom floor was entirely drenched, and the whole of the passage

2.way which is not carpeted was also entirely flooded. It’s a downstairs bathroom. My family were all out and I did everything I could to try and mop everything up but the damage is insane. I had an awful hysterical panic, idk if it was a panic attack but it was horrible. My family come home and we’ve done what we can. Somebody is going to come out to check see if it was something other than my own self that caused this to happen - like a broken pipe or something. But I fully believe it was me

3. it is all fixable but I am very worried that it isn’t. I have no excuse at all for letting this happen. I am so scared that I have destroyed this home and that mould will spread and stuff. I myself am in a bad financial situation and don’t have much money to give to contribute to the repairs that will be needed. It’s genuinely so bad, the whole floor was swimming and we’ve had to remove carpets. I have been apologising so much but it’s not enough. And my other part for this is that because

4. I am truly so devastated by what I have done, I had to open suicide hotlines on my computer because I was panicking and so upset by it. I don’t know if I would resort to something like that over what has happened, but it’s entirely my own stupid fault and I’ve caused such a nightmare for my family. I just need somebody rational and calm to talk to about what I did which is what made me think about the helplines. And because I had panicked so horribly. But also if this doesn’t get better,

5. If this doesn’t get better, and the damage is not fixable, I don’t know what I will do. I know it sounds dramatic, over a house, but the house is so loved by my family because before we moved here we were basically poor with nothing. If it can’t all be fixed, I don’t know if my sister will forgive me. I have awful problems with guilt anyway, I think this will push me over. My sister isn’t doing good and last night because of how awful it was she was saying things like she wishes she was never

6. born and stuff. That is my fault, it is me who caused this situation and made her feel like that. I was aware that the water was rising but I never knew this would happen. My Mom has also had to take a day off work to fix stuff and so is losing money there. I don’t want to get really bad again because of something like this but I feel like the worst human in the world, I feel so sickened by this. I’m really sorry for spilling so much, but please please say something. I just don’t know

7. what to do. I would punish myself with SH but everything is such a mess I think it would make everything worse. I don’t know what I expect you to say, just any words of comfort I would appreciate so much. Thank you so so much

hey, this doesn’t sound pathetic at all. Its absolutely understandable that you’re upset and worried about this. The thing is that these kinds of things happen all of the time. I’ve known at least 3 people who flooded part of their house by leaving something on, for example. One of my roomates that I lived with a couple years ago was filling a huge pot and just went to do something else while it was filling and it flooded the basement. The good thing is that there wasn’t any serious damage. if you try to soak it up or mop it up in time it prevents a lot of damage. the worst kinds of water damage are caused by repeated exposure to water. You might be okay. 

It makes sense that people are mad, totally, but for your sister to say those things to you is not cool. reassure yourself that its not your fault and that she’s mad right now. they’ll forgive you. 

It’s not too bad to take a day off of work. It happens a lot for lots of different reasons. it’s a little bit less money but most people can get by. its not enough to stress a whole lot about, unless she is taking lots of time off. 

its also possible that it would be covered by homeowners insurance, but it really depends on your parents’ policy. 

Shit happens. It totally sucks but it happens. it could have been a lot worse. I know someone who flooded the top floor of their house and didn’t notice until we saw water dripping from the lights. They may have needed to replace a lot of electrical stuff. at least it wasn’t that bad. You did what you could to clean up pretty quickly, so things might be okay. your family might be really mad at you right now but they’ll forgive you. they can’t hold this grudge forever