#actuallycyclothymic

Tfw you're on a downswing and salt water starts leaking out of your eyeballs without your permission.

Fucking difficult being ocpd and cyclothymic at the same time. They do not agree on how and when to do things and the cyclothymia causes executive dysfunction.

Tfw you'd rather obsessively make lists of things than actually get anything on the lists done.

List of things that have made me want to cry today: -got woken up way to early -had to work and it was super busy -back hurts, knees hurt, am a bit sick -manager was an asshole and kept complaining I wasn't working enough but refuses to give me hours around my school schedule -dp is hanging out with friends and was unavailable during my break and most of the evening -everyone in my group of friends went to bed because they all live east of me -literally none of the friends I see day to day talk to me on weekends -mom brought up the won't pay for schooling threat again -brownies turned out okay but not like I wanted them to or expected -my closet door broke, dad doesn't want to fix it rn and if I leave it alone my hallucinations will act up so I struggled with it for a half hour All in all today has not been a good day and I just want this to be over.

I've got that wonderful mix of ocpd and dpd raging rn because I have too much on my plate and I need someone to help but someone other than my dp is fixing the problem and I'm just viciously hanging onto the problem like "mine. My problem. I'll do it. Leave it alone."

That moment of realization when helping one disorder fuels the other. Schedules and routines are good for cyclothymia and help manage it, schedules and routines feed my ocpd.