#acfas

If that.

Of course the easy life was not gonna happen for Harry. Ever. Louis focused his attention on the sleeping boy. Having to retrieve the hand that lay over his side. Electricity tensing through his skin. Protecting him from whatever memory he was fighting in his mind. It felt like Louis could compare Harry with a balloon. As if he had to carry it through a dance without making it explode. This being the part where he would have to pick it up from the ground again mid drop-spin. Trying not to crush it while also not trying to have his fingers slip away. And not grabbing it too tight. And it was never getting easier to wake Harry from a nightmare. Louis had never danced with a balloon, although he probably should. He had he pulled Harry out of a nightmare so often. And still did it seem like an impossible task. Every single time. Maybe this would get easier if he could do that, dance with a balloon. Hell he’d danced with chairs and stick and mirrors and what not. But that wasn’t the point. And no matter how badly Louis wished for it, this wasn’t a dance. This was every day, actual life. This wasn’t something Louis could feel, not a solution that would come to Louis as easily as a next step in a set up would come. So, back to the point. Harry. Everything always seemed to go great only to be taken down all over again. To have all the air sucked away as reality would hit. And Louis was once again slapped by the realization that no matter how much Harry would progress. It wouldn’t matter how high up he dared to lift his head. He would still have to carry all this weight. And it would never leave him. All this crap. Louis whispered his name a few times. No response. Harry’s breathing quickened as his trashing lessened. Louis dared to grab his wrists again. He held them still and pulled them against Harry’s heaving chest. Shaking him lightly against the shaking his night terror already produced. He called his name. A little clearer now. Though trying not to be louder. Harry woke up. Eyes shooting open. Finding Louis’ face. Focusing on him. Louis looked back. Knowing Harry needed to use this to pull himself out of his dream. Long by now trusting Louis more than enough. He tried to even out his breaths as he anchored himself. Louis pulled him up so he sat alongside Louis. Still holding his wrists.

“Everything ok, Swan?”

Zayn croaked. He had woken up anyway. Louis stared at Harry.

“You ok?”

He asked instead of answering Zayn. Harry nodded quietly. And Louis released his wrists as he gave a nod to Zayn who had grabbed his phone to check the time. Louis turned back to Harry. Not needing to ask anymore, not after so many times. But still waiting for conformation and assurance that it was ok. And that it was safe.

“Please.”

Harry begged. So Louis pulled him into a tight hug. Harry didn’t hug back but he released the breath he had been holding.

“It’s 7:40.”

Zayn announced. And they all decided to just get up.

---

The sun was steadily rising behind the skyline up ahead. Buildings blocking it’s rays and creating weird shapes on the ground. The shadows were long and grotesque. But also light and insignificant in spring’s early morning. The sun was a light yellow kind, like honey. The grass that surrounded them a soft, white, green. Scattered with hay and with strays of moorland. The loose pieces of wired fence they had climbed through collided with their poles every so often. A lazy symphony by a chilly wind. The grass was dry, the hay was dry, their feet were dry and the air was dry. Louis looked around, taking in the field that surrounded them. The random groups of bricks and metal and nomadic soda cans. Harry had kept the drunken promise he had made on his make-up-birthday. Against all Louis’ hoping  that he would simply forget, had he kept it and still stood by it. Every single morning had he trained. Pushups. Sit-ups. The whole thing. Louis even caught him doing squats once. Whatever they would be good for in his plan to fight evil. When Harry still pressed on with really wanting to make this all ‘right’ a week later, Louis finally gave in to Zayn’s pleading. Zayn wanted to take Harry out to properly figure out his powers and how to wheel them. He let them do it. He just didn’t want anything to do with it. Didn’t like it at all. And although they all kept to their agreement had Louis sometimes been called in to deal with the consequences of some of their so called ‘training sessions’. To put it bluntly, Louis had become really good at treating burns and other casual wounds that came with the experiments. He had promised to tag along today. And even though he already heavily regretted the promise, he did go. Zayn led them to an open field. Something that once was a building plan for new mass buildings or something. It was just an abandoned, grassy field. Hooray for the shitty economy. Too bad if you’re part of the overpopulated result of the baby boom. But, yeah. Here they were. Zayn and Harry took their, for them, familiar places and Louis stood awkwardly at Harry’s side. Nervously awaiting what they would do. The training started out pretty mundane. A lot of Harry closing his eyes and flexing his hands, trying to create a reaction. To draw out the power that rushed through his veins. It was a bit awkward to watch. But they’d been doing this every week for this long and it showed. Harry definitely had progressed. Because eventually thin purple and blue lights started threading between his fingertips. Louis rubbed his left shoulder. Feeling the slowly fading scar that was Harry’s handprint. It had healed up quite well and the scar could fade entirely with time. Louis wasn’t too sure he wanted it gone. It reminded him that Harry was a real thing. No matter what would happen. He had happened. Not that anything would happen, obviously. Or, at least, Louis hoped so. Harry brought his hands up and forward. Holding them against each other, creating a bright light. Zayn called from where he stood.

“Good job, pup. Now try to push it away. Get it out. You can do it.”

Louis closed his eyes. Not wanting to see what would happen. He heard a cheer and Harry’s sigh, relieved. He opened his eyes. Seeing a tiny pat of grass smoking and tragically burning up.

“Good job man! You totally got this.”

Louis was torn. Yeah Harry was getting great at controlling his powers. This was something entirely new. And he just did that. But it just didn’t feel good in Louis’ gut. The boy was pulling out that dark stuff and making it stronger. Using it. And it was, it could be.. it could get… well it was dangerous.

They tried some more things. More of Harry charging himself up and letting the energy shoot through his hand. They tried aiming and distances. They did some fighting for a little while. No power involved. Just learning to how defend and when to attack. Louis knew about this part. They did this back in the nest a lot too. Using what Zayn had learned when he still did Kung Fu and secretly did Louis enjoy watching them. Hiding the urge to join them. Wanting to learn Harry how to move his body more effectively. But always deciding against it cause, well.. It wasn’t really about the fighting art right now though, more about calming nerves and winding down again. Just some kicks and laughs. And shortly after they picked up the focus on electricity again. Zayn made Harry try various things. Trying to stare a tree to death instead of setting it on fire. Trying to move a ball Zayn had brought without touching. None of them having any clue to what extend Harry’s electricity could work and therefore Zayn just tried everything. After a while they got back on the hand thing again. Charging, aiming. Waiting. Doing it again. And after a long time of doing that and progressing tiny bits Zayn decided it was time to move on to something new. The sun slowly continued to travel across the sky. Louis hadn’t said a word during any of it. Hadn’t made eye contact with Harry at all and just listened to Zayn’s words and stared down every sizzling patch of grass they left. Zayn left it to Harry, telling him he knew what to do. And Harry closed his eyes again, so Louis looked at him. Looked at him through all of it. He was trying to search out his insides is what Louis picked up from it. Feel what power he had in there and trying to gauge what possibilities he had with them. Occasionally his hand would twitch, his knees would bend or his head would lift and Louis and Zayn were left to watch out. Then, out of no where that glow came back. It started at his toes this time, through his feet and crept it’s way upward. Inclining in brightness as it went. Blue. Harry started glowing. And Louis looked at Zayn wondering if this was the plan. He didn’t like what he saw as he met with Zayn’s panicked expression. Zayn called out to Harry. Telling him to calm it down. Harry didn’t react. Zayn called out louder.

“Hey, Superman! Alright, hey! Stop. Tone it down. Come out of it, yeah? Let’s leave this for later.”

Harry closed his eyes tighter.

“Hey, calm down, ok? snap out of it!”

Zayn walked towards them and Louis started to slightly freak out.

“Harry, “

He called out. Pretending not to be scared. Upon hearing Louis, Harry opened his eyes. And once again the blue seeped away. He looked at Louis. Zayn called at him again. Asking him what happened. Put a hand on his arm. Louis could tell Zayn was masking the discomfort the touch gave him. Harry looked beyond confused. And Louis provided him that he was glowing. Again. All three stood close to each other.

“Sorry, I- didn’t know.”

“That’s alright, it’s good. You know where to reach.”

Louis knew Zayn. Knew he wouldn’t stop. Knew he wanted Harry to get better as bad as Harry wanted it himself. Louis knew how determined and self destructing Zayn could be when he wanted something. And he knew Harry had to be drained emotionally and whatevery was the source of power for his.. power. So he broke in.

“How about we stop for now, Zayn? Don’t you think this is enough for today. It’s past midday and..”

“Do you wanna stop, owl? I mean we can try to work on your aiming a bit more? It’s an easy thing.”

Harry looked between Louis and Zayn.

“No. I mean, let’s stop.”

Louis thanked him quietly.

The three of them walked back in silence. Well, ok, not in silence. Because Zayn kept on repeating how they had bettered, how Harry had was getting better. How he obviously got way better at aiming and how they had learned a new thing about this today. Louis got a feeling that he was trying to convince himself the most. And Harry just agreed with whatever Zayn said.

------------ That night as they all lay in their beds. Allowing themselves to get in early and chill out after a busy week. Harry turned around to face Louis in their small bed. Louis, who had been laying on his back, eyes closed, trying not to think felt the shift. He felt Harry’s eyes on him. And he opened his own.

“What is it?” No response.

“Louis..” Louis turned on his side to face him.

“Yeah, Harry.”

“Are you upset with me?”

“What, no! Why?”

“I know you don’t like my powers and I get that it freaks you. But I just, I kind off… I have to get to know them. Louis..”

Louis sighed.

“I get it Harry.”

Harry looked up.

“You do?”

“Yeah.. yeah. I honestly do. I promise. And I’m not upset with you. Just. I’m scared for you alright?”

“I will be careful. I promise. And Zayn is watching out for me. And I don’t do anything unless Zayn’s there.”

“I know. I know. But I just want you to be happy, and to be ok.”

“I am. And this, accepting my, what I have. And getting to understand it. It helps, Louis. It had just been this evil thing growing inside of me. And it has only been.. well it has just been dangerous to everything and all around me and myself. And I didn’t understand it. And all I could do was spend my time in constant fear and hate. And I couldn’t trust myself around humans. And I could only feel bad for what I’ve done. But Zayn, he’s helping me understand what is.. what is inside of me. And now I can grip it better. Now I feel more like me. And less like I just need to be gone.”

Louis could see tears forming in his eyes. He would never be able to reach at what Harry must be feeling. What he must be going through. To have that inside of yourself. Uncontrollable and scary and unsafe. It must be a massive burden to bear. Especially after all it caused. Harry took a shuddering breath. Keeping to himself for a bit. He swallowed his tears and he rambled.

“I’m getting better, you know? I feel better now. And I need this. I need to know what I am. And I need to understand how it all works and what it is. That’s the only way it will ever get better. I need to understand. And I need to know it’s mine to decide and control. Instead of living in fear of it lashing out. I don’t want to be a freak or alone anymore. I need this to be better.” Louis nodded to show he understood.

“I’m sorry for, you know, holding you back. I never thought of how this must’ve felt for you.”

“It’s ok.”

Louis gave him a smile. Harry did the same. It wasn’t ok just yet. But they both were too tired to repeat more of the same.

“Thank you.”

“No worries.”

“Will you come along some more time? You really helped today. And you know me better than Zayn. And I want you to be ok with it too. I need you to be there too. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. You can do whatever you want but, I- “

“Shut up Harry, I’ll come along next time. I promise. Just let me get this all figured out in my head.”

“Thank you, Louis.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Thank you for everything.”

Harry reached up to touch Louis’ cheek. Making him look in his eyes. Proving how genuine his gratitude was. Something jumped inside Louis’ stomach. And he quickly averted his eyes.

“Go to sleep Harry.”

Harry didn’t turn around. He just closed his eyes and let his hand slide onto Louis’ chest. And they lay like that. Louis didn’t sleep. He just stared, as if frozen, right at Harry. Watched him. Until he could hear his breath evening out. He looked at Harry’s slightly red eyelids. The small, but there, light purple bags under his eyes. His shiny, cute nose. And his slightly parted, cherry red, plump lips. Letting out tiny puffs of breath. Cute? Well yeah he did look cute. He looked down right beautiful. Louis frowned at his own thoughts. What was he doing? Harry was beautiful. And he had grown to care about Harry like a second nature of his. And he felt that jumpy feeling from earlier again. What was he feeling? What had changed? Nothing, right? Right. Harry was still Harry. Louis was still Louis. And Zayn was still Zayn. Let it stay that way. Today had been physically and mentally eventful enough. Yet he couldn’t help himself from picking up Harry’s lax hand from where it lay on his chest. And he felt every digit before threading his own hand with Harry’s. He held it like that, close to his chest. And he closed his eyes. Not wanting to think anything anylonger. And so he fell asleep. His own breathing syncing up with that of the man who lay beside him.