Top Posts Tagged with #acengst

Okay... This is... Several days late and I couldn't think of anything for Harvest which is the day i planned to post this so....

DRDTTOBER DAYS 8-16

WARNING FOR IMPLIED CHAPTER TWO SPOILERS, SPOOKY STUFF, HANAHAKI DISEASE, GORE, ANGST, UNCANNY VALLEY STUFF, AND PINK BLOOD

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Me: *smacks Shiro’s bicep* I can fit so much self-projected Acengst into this bud

Shiro: ...nO.

#shitpost #writing wip sorta #hey shiro! at least I let you be Kissing Neutral! lmao #and a tiiiiny bit closer to sex neutral vs repulsed than I am #count your blessings #panace shiro #ace angst #acengst #shiro angst #shangst

Acengst.

#drdt #danganronpa despair time #drdt ace #ace markey #drdt ace markey #acengst #drdt ace markey edit #drdt edit #snek edits #drdt ace edit

if I had a nickel for every time I made Acengst with morbid humor I'd have two... maybe three... nickels lol

Also I forgot I added a major spoiler at the end that made it even more spoilers for ch 2 ep 16

Fun fact: the arrows are the colors of Ace's eyes lol

Also, nico would totally love this song imo

#drdt #danganronpa despair time #snek edits #nico hakobyan #drdt nico #drdt nico edit #nico hakobyan edit #drdt nico hakobyan #drdt nico hakobyan edit #drdt ace edit #drdt ace #ace markey #drdt ace markey #ace markey edit #drdt ace markey edit #acengst

Maybe it’s the “avoidant” part of my “fearful avoidance,” but. I really just…don’t care if someone I’m attracted to romantically likes someone else, or doesn’t share those feelings. Like, you do you. We’re not dating or owe eachother anything, and it all boils down to autonomy and compatibility, anyway. (And let’s face it, I don’t believe I’ll ever be compatible with anyone in terms of physical intimacy and I’m not able to compromise that without bruising my own boundaries, so.) But also like. I’d just. Turn attraction “off” if I could reach inside my head and flip a switch. Sadly humans aren’t that simple. Absolutely unfair.

Nah. What does get me into the Fearful instead (and struggling with that FA push-pull of “keep away/please don’t leave”): whether or not someone even wants to be my friend. Especially when I also accidentally developed attraction to them.

#tiger’s roar #acengst #fearful avoidant #…and yeah. I really am just Stuck sitting with my feelings #the same way I have to Sit with my cptsd around environments and forming IRL friendships in GENERAL #absolutely unfair but whatever #it’s exposure work babyyy!!#kinda makes me wanna laugh. SARDONICALLY. when I have people tell me to ‘just work on myself’#this IS self work. learning how to cope with platonic and romantic feelings and the fears that automatically come with them for me IS.#and it absolutely sucks. believe me. I’d rather not feel them at all #I keep poking at them to try and ‘turn it off’ because my adhd brain wants to FIX it #but the only thing I can ACTUALLY do is accept that I have them #especially since admitting them to the person in question would 90% make things worse ‘cause of their own wounds and load #IF things could ever reach a point of nuance vs All or Nothing being accepted and not trigger a flee patterning again? maybe #but as it is I kinda feel like we talked around and walked right up to the elephant but didn’t take the sheet off it #yeah carrying it sucks. but since all I wanted was the friendship and NOT the addition of romantic attraction…#…anyway. they’ve done quite a bit to try and make up what happened.#and I’ve done everything I can think of to assure them that I won’r pressure them. value THEM more than the friendship #and…not exactly dropping hints but. trying to let them know IF. that’s their call. I just want the friendship healthy

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…sometimes it hurts how I’d be “otherwise well-suited” to someone if i wasn’t frikkin asexual. unwilling to even kiss. and that’s my grief to bear.

…while also not making the choice for someone else if they were willing to try. but not without warning. i owe them that. i owe myself that.

#tiger’s roar #acengst #internalized aphobia #…at this point I just. want to comfort and encourage my friends towards their own relational happiness #and trust it isn’t ever happening for me #it can’t happen for me #I’d only make someone miserable. there’s no way I wouldn’t #and doing things the allonormative way will only make me feel absolutely awful inside #there’s no way remaining single and never trying and devoting myself to friendships instead won’t ever be for the best #if I truly love the friends I demiromantically fall in love with and fall hard. then I have to let them go. not try. defend the friendship

Yeah so. I might just shove my kissing-repulsion (for me personally) off onto Shiro yet again (except he’s kinda a flux of neutral to repulsed. Y’know, kinda like how many aces are with sex. But for kissing.)

…because self-projection, I need this to be a thing for someone else too, and I need to see someone happy in a relationship that respects that boundary vs “fixing” it. Y’know. Again like how just sex repulsion and neutrality exist. Aaaaaand are flatout underrepresented in even fanon spaces. Like, despite Ace!Shiro being semi-common (at least among other aces) here on tumblr, ace shiro apparently isn’t a searchable tag over on ao3. (I’m not saying the tag isn’t used ever—just that Nothing pulls up if I try searching for it in additional tags. Literally. Blank search results. At least until I remove that tag, then it’s normal again.)

So yeah. My fanon Shiro? Both sex&kissing neutral-to-repulsed. ‘Cause so am I. And there’s a small bakery worth of other cakes. I just wanna homebake MY cake and see if others wanna try a slice.

#tiger’s musings #acengst #kissing repulsion #kissing neutrality #sex repulsed #sex neutral #I am seriously to also hc Allura as ace as well. just to ease my Acengst #idk. panace shiro. biace allura. or they’re both panace. ‘cause I can

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