-Me, an Ace

So to add some overt positivity: It's okay to be an ace man. You don't have to have any reasons for not wanting sex other than simply not wanting it. There doesn't have to be anything else at work.

The only case when you have to use words other than "love" to come out.

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[ Image Description: Two quote images. Both images have the same purple-hued marbled background with pale lavender text on a dark square. At the bottom is a dark purple band and the attribution: "Angela Chen, Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex." The first quote reads: “Normal is often treated as a moral judgment, when it is often simply a statistical matter. The question of what everyone else is doing is less important than the question of what works for the . . . people in the actual relationship. It matters that everyone’s needs are carefully considered and respected, not that everyone is doing the same thing.” (The last sentence is bolded.) The second quote reads: “Difference can be a gift. Being ace can mean less interpersonal drama and more freedom from social norms around relationships. It is an opportunity to focus more on other passions, to be less distracted by sexuality, to break the scripts, to choose your own adventure and your own values.” End Image Description ]

[ Image Description: A quote image with a purple-hued silky fabric background with pale lavender text on a dark square. At the bottom is a dark purple band and the attribution: "Angela Chen, Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex." The quote reads: “Consent matters after ten years just as much as after ten days, but it rarely looks the same after a decade as it did on the third date. Checks and balances that are crucial earlier on become unnecessary for both people now that they know each other better and can read each other’s cues. The forms consent takes will change, but the right to say no always must remain. If someone never wants to have sex, that is okay forever. For people who do decide to have sex, it is a choice each time, not a set of ossified obligations that are impossible to challenge or change.” End Image Description ]

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[ Image Description: A quote image with a background of purple tufted flowers. At the bottom is a dark purple color band with the quote attribution: Angela Chen, Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex. The quote is in lavender typed font and reads: “Instead of letting labels like romantic and platonic (or friend versus partner) guide actions and expectations, it is possible for the desires themselves to guide actions and expectations. More effective than relying on labels to provide instruction is skipping directly to asking for what we want—around time, touch, commitment, and so on as David Jay wrote—regardless of whether those desires confuse hardline ideas of what these two categories are supposed to look like. When the desires don’t fit the labels, it is often the labels that should be adjusted or discarded, not the desires. If everyone is behaving ethically, it doesn’t matter if a relationship doesn’t fit into a preconceived social role, if it feels neither platonic nor romantic or if it feels like both at the same time.” End Image Description ]