#ace men

you are loved

you are valid

you are an important part of our community

anyone who tells you that you’re odd for existing as an ace man is a dick and should not be listened to or spoken with

i hope you have a happy pride

your asexuality is incredible

your asexuality is masculine (if you want it to be)

your asexuality is cool

i’m proud of you

Would anyone be interested in contributing?

The short answer:  We don’t actually know.

The longer answer...

In the currently active ace community, ace women decidedly outnumber ace men.  In the latest Ace Census report (2017/2018), about 62% of respondents were women, while only around 13% were men.  And anecdotally, that ballpark accurately reflects what I’ve seen in various ace circles, from online groups to in-person meetups to participants in pride parades.

So, there are considerably fewer men in the ace community than women.

But that’s “in the ace community”...  That only reflects the people who’ve found their way here and are willing to be open about it.  We have absolutely no idea what the prevalence looks like across the entire population.  Are there really 5 times as many ace women in the world than ace men?  Twice as many non-binary aces?  Maybe.  Maybe not.

I think most people feel like the real numbers aren’t that skewed.  There are many factors at play and a number of them are stacked against ace men.  Here are just a few:

Societal Pressure:  Men are supposed to be a “sexual tyrannosaurus”, and anything less than that is viewed as a failure.  This leads to fear and reluctance to admit it to others, but also fear and reluctance to admit it to themselves.

Talking About Feelings:  Men are trained to bottle up most of their emotions and bury them in a landfill.  So they’re generally less comfortable joining a community centered around their feelings like this one is.

Little Blue Pill Commercials:  Commercials for ED drugs and “man-boosting” supplements and even coming-of-age comedies all train us to believe that physical arousal equals interest.  If you can get it up, you want to get it on.  There’s no conversation around people who can get the motor running, but don’t want to take it for a drive.  (Or at least a drive with passengers.)  I probably would’ve discovered asexuality years earlier if I’d ever heard that masturbating doesn’t actually mean you’re straight.

Awareness:  You have to know that asexuality is a thing before you can call yourself asexual.  Awareness is a problem for everyone, but I think it disproportionately affects men.  All of the things listed above lead fewer men to discover asexuality, which in turn means fewer of them are talking about it, which means that fewer men can hear about it from their friends.  It also means that there’s less of a market for male-focused articles on the topic, which means fewer will hear about it that way, and so on.

And there’s certainly more than just those.

Hi yes hello

I would just like to say that asexual men are amazing. Truly, they deserve all the love.

To all the asexual men who see this, I see you and you’re valid. Our society tells us that all men love and desire sex, but that is not true and I’m sorry that you have to deal with all of the ignorant people who don’t understand that, within and outside of the LGBTQ+ community. You belong here.