Child! Apothecary vs The Roger Pirates
Rating: 16+
Warnings: Ongoing Slice-of-life, slowburn, mild peril, child endangerment by child, medical humor, light swearing, mentions of alcohol, injury descriptions, chaotic mentorship dynamic, pirates being pirates, implied violence, mild emotional gut punch, found family feelings, tiny child commits medicine for evil and science, so much medical malpractice
AO3 Link
Summary: You’re ten, overqualified, and armed with a mortar, a scalpel, and a questionable sense of ethics. The half-drunk doctor you work for calls you his apprentice, but you know better—you’re the apothecary. The brains. The organization. The reason he hasn’t accidentally poisoned a sailor this week.
Then one day, a ship with gold trim and very bad timing appears on the horizon, and everything tilts. There’s shouting, arguing, and possibly a whale. You lose track after the word “Pirate.”
You have no idea what comes next, but one thing’s certain: you’re ten years old and already in over your very competent head.
(A homage to The Apothecary Diaries)
Chapter 1 : "How to Ruin a Doctor’s Day"
Chapter 2: "The Great Sandwich Caper"
Chapter 3: “You Can’t Fire Me, I Already Live Here!”
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A being from another world/dimension/universe/species/culture falls in love with a human, and brings them home. Oblivious to the fact this is, in fact, kidnapping them.
Whumper doing a crime, like stealing a car or something, and they're unaware that Whumpee was there. All they were doing was doing a crime, but oops, there's a person there they didn't see, and Whumper ended up kidnapping them by accident!
What would Whumper do now that they got Whumpee? Do they roll with it and keep Whumpee? Do they realize their mistake and become a whumper turned caretaker?
“Okay Dustin, tell me one more time why you think Steve was kidnapped.” Hopper says while pinching the ridge of his nose. It’s not that he didn’t believe the boy, it's just, he highly doubts one guy would be capable of taking Steve down easily.
“He told me he was! I heard a struggle, he said kidnapped, I heard the kidnappers voice!” Dustin shrieks while waving his phone at Hopper. Will, Mike and Lucas had come to join him, they were staying quiet though, still in shock. The girls had been skeptical and refused to stop their girls day for what they thought was a cry for attention.
“Did Steve perhaps call you accidentally if he was… busy with someone?” He has caught Steve with his pants down too many times to assume the guy didn’t have varied interests in bed. Dustin just scowls and puts his hands on his hips exactly like Steve does.
“No, he was calling to tell me something. That he wasn’t going to be able to do something and then the struggle started. I heard swearing and panting like Steve was trying to get away, his speaker sounded like it had been hit because all his audio started getting really fuzzy. He was trying to say something about his kidnapper that he was weird or something like that. And then I heard the guy's voice really clearly, he said ‘in you go princess.”
“I understand Dustin, I'm just asking if there are any other possibilities. Steve is an adult man who doesn’t look like he’d be easy to kidnap, on top of that he was on the phone actively talking to a witness which is the last thing a criminal wants. Kidnappers go after people who won’t be missed, who they can convince to get out of the public eye.”
“He said goodbye to me, Hopper. He said goodbye and that he loves me.” Steve normally did this but he just had this gut feeling that something horrible had happened. “If you won’t help me I’ll go looking for him myself.”
“Slow your roll Dustin Henderson. I didn’t say I wouldn’t help, I just need as much information as possible. Did Steve tell you where he was when he was taken?”
“His phone tracking shows him around the corner from the shop when he made the call.” Dustin pulls up the map and shows him the screenshot he took of the dot in front of the corner bodega. “Now the tracking on it is spotty, wherever they’re taking him it has a bad signal, and they’re moving.”
Fuck that’s not good. Hopper stands from his desk and grabs his jacket. “Okay, I’m going to check out where Steve was last seen. You tell me if the tracking ever reappears and what direction it’s heading in, that could help us predict where they may be headed. Stay here. Do not, do anything stupid.” Hopper orders before heading out the door and getting in his cruiser to go by the bakery.
~O~
They had stopped at a gas station about twenty minutes out from the cabin because Eddie wanted s'mores supplies and some beers. Steve was kind of hungry so he picked up some snacks for them too. The two of them giggled and playfully shoved each other until the gas station owner, full of fond exasperation, said that she was going to confiscate their ID’s as fakes if they didn’t stop acting like children. Steve looked concerned while Eddie just snorted.
“Like you haven’t been letting me buy beers here since I was 19 Terry.” He winks and she flips him off. They set their haul on the counter and Steve insists on paying, smacking Eddie’s hands away when he tries to steal the other man’s card. Eventually Eddie just folds his arms over Steve’s shoulders and rests his chin on Steve’s head.
“Shall I give Wayne your best then?” He teases wiggling his eyebrows. Terry scoffs and reaches across the counter to swat him.
“You’ll be keeping your mouth shut if you know what’s good for you Edward Theodore Munson. And thank your young man for buying your groceries, what were you raised in a barn?”
“Oh trust me Lady Theressa I would like nothing more than to thank him, long and often but he has rebuffed my advances because all of you keep telling him I’m such a scoundrel!” Eddie dramatically swoons against Steve’s back, swooning a little in reality at how easily Steve holds his weight. “My knight in shining armor has rebuked me, leaving me without favor or token to get me through the dark, lonely nights!”
“Are you sure you want to be seen in public with this guy?” Terry stage whispers to Steve. Steve laughs and rubs his hand over Eddie’s forearms, the metalhead squeezing him tighter in response.
“God help me but doe-eyed, curly hair nerds are kinda my type.” That response has Eddie blushing and ducking his head to hide behind his curls against Steve’s neck. He meant it when he said he’d earn that kiss, whatever Steve needed to know his interest was in something real.
“That’s on you then. You boys stay safe out there, got it?” She gives them both an ‘I’m watching you’ gesture as they gather up their bags of snacks and offer her holiday wishes in return as they head out.
Eddie squeezes Steve’s hand once they’re back in the car warming up. Steve’s eyes are glittering and Eddie squeezes his hand again so he doesn’t lean over and accidentally steal that kiss. “If you’re not completely sick of me after this trip, and you’re willing to give this a shot, I’d like to take you to dinner.”
“I think I’d like that.” Steve murmurs. Honestly if Eddie asked he’d definitely kiss him right here and now. No one has made him laugh this much in a while, has listened to Steve talk about the bakery and the youth basketball team he’s an assistant coach for with such rapt attention. He hasn’t felt this seen since Robin, who is the other half of his brain cell, they are two halves of a whole idiot and they do just about everything together. She knows he’s thought Eddie was cute from the first time he walked into the bakery, with a grease smudge on his forehead and his hair tied up in a clip.
“Is there something on my face, you’re staring.” Eddie asks, he’s actually got a smear of chocolate from a cookie on his lip but Steve just smiles and shakes his head.
“Just think you’re beautiful, that’s all.” And as color floods Eddie’s face, prompting him to hide behind his hair again as he turns to watch the road, Steve can’t help but be unrepentantly charmed. It’s silly to think about but Steve feels like he’s fallen into one of those goofy Hallmark Christmas movies. The ones where unexpected circumstances end up bringing you exactly where you’re supposed to be to meet The One or something ridiculous like that. It’s silly he knows but he has a good feeling about this Christmas.
~O~
Most of the shops had closed by the time Hopper got there, the bodega included unfortunately. But there was a pawn shop across the street that was still open. He walked in and went to the counter where a nervous, sweaty little man stared him down.
“H-hello offfficer. What can I do for you?” He dabs at his receding hairline with a stained hanky.
“That camera out front work?” He asks and the man nods.
“Yes, I-I haven’t had many customers come in today and I have all the goods I’ve had sold to me today right over here if you need to see any of them for any reason. I do feel like I should inform you-”
“I don’t care about possible stolen goods at the moment, does that camera reach to across the street?” Hopper cuts him off not wanting to be here a second longer than he needed to.
“A little. Um, right this way officer.” He scurries over to the door to lock it and switch the sign to closed before taking Hopper to the backroom where the camera controls were set up.
“I want you to show me just before 7 to 7:15 today.” Hopper says and the man is quick to comply. He wasn’t exaggerating about the little, Hopper couldn’t see faces or anything significantly higher than people’s waists. He scanned the footage intently for anything suspicious and then he saw it. An inconspicuous looking black vehicle driving too close to the curb, kicking up sludge as it goes. He sees sharp movements and then two bodies hitting the ground. They’re almost out of frame when the incident occurs but he catches a glimpse of Steve. The young man is indeed on his phone, the device clutched in his hand as a body with its back to the camera lands on top of him. The figure is wearing what looks like jeans and a thick, dark sweater, heavy combat boots and chains dangling from one of the pockets. So definitely not Steve’s usual crowd. He watches Steve’s feet scrabble against the icy pavement before he’s pulled up and out of frame. About a minute later a similar black vehicle drives back in the other direction.
So that must be the play. Knock them off balance by driving too close, then while the victim is disoriented loading them into the vehicle and taking off back in the opposite direction. Unfortunately this camera angle didn’t provide plate details for the vehicle so that would have to wait until morning. He just hoped Steve could hold on that long.
“Rewind a bit, I want you to print out some of these frames for me.” Hopper says, pulling up another chair.
By the time he gets back to the office he’s frustrated and worried for Steve. And he knows Joyce has got to be getting worried about him too, he should have been home almost two hours ago by now.
The kids have all gone but they pinned a map to a whiteboard they commandeered and drew a trail of dots with each check in point where they could get a signal from Steve’s phone. It looks like the kidnappers are headed towards the mountains which is not a good sign for Steve’s life expectancy. He can’t despair yet though and adds the printouts of the attack to the board.
Steve is his boy and if these fuckers have hurt a single hair on his head, they’ll never find the bodies. No matter how much his heart and mind rage though there’s no new information to gather right now. He needs to go home, to tell Joyce what happened. He needs her help to figure out what to tell the kids if the worst comes to pass.
~O~
Wayne is standing in the open door as they pull up. Eddie can barely help the child-like grin on his face as he dashes up onto the porch, ignoring the crack of ice under his boots as he pulls his uncle into a tight hug.
“I’ve missed you.” He groans as Wayne squeezes him back just as tight,
“Missed you too son, now get in here so I can meet your boy finally.”
And oh how Eddie’s heart soared at hearing Wayne call Steve his boy, but first he had to tell Wayne the truth about what happened.
“About that Wayne, this is Steve, he’s a friend of mine. Hector won’t be joining us because he decided to be a two-timing scumbag.” Steve, absolute gentleman that he is, has all their bags with him that he sets down before offering Wayne his hand to shake.
“Steve Harrington sir, Eddie has been telling me so much about you.” Wayne returns the gesture with a small grin, so similar to Eddie’s.
“Just Wayne please, you gonna make an honest man of my boy before these knees are too old to walk him down the aisle?”
“Wayne!” Eddie sputters, resisting the urge to throw himself in the nearest snowdrift and just stay there until the spring thaw. He’s burning up so much right now he could possibly melt through the ice on the lake and just drown there too. Steve barely seems phased though and just gives Eddie a soft look.
“Well, we were going to maybe start with dinner. Save the wedding plans for the third date you know.” He winks and Eddie buries his face in his hands with a whine, great they get along too well.
“I’m going to bed!” He declares loudly, he’s had a shit day and the drive up into the mountains always stresses him out. Wayne just gives him the stink eye.
“You drag this boy all the way out here and just plan on disappearing? Show him around at least!” Wayne turns back to Steve and pats him on the shoulder, “I really tried to raise him with manners I swear.”
Steve throws his head back and laughs, looking so radiant and happy that Eddie barely feels his heart slip from his chest and splat down at his feet. Freely offered to the gorgeous man who offered to come here for him, who looks at him like he’s hoping as hard as Eddie is that this thing starting to take shape between them could be something wonderful.
“I think he’s just the way he’s supposed to be.” Steve says, looking at him so warmly. Eddie flushes and reaches for Steve again, craving the way their fingers feel folded together already and starts showing him around the cabin. It’s not massive or really even anything special. Living room, kitchen, two bedrooms and a bathroom across the way. There’s a little gazebo outside right on the edge of a lake which was why Wayne wanted the place to begin with. There’s boxes of decorations sitting out but no tree, when Steve asks about it Eddie just grins.
“Munson family tradition, we have to go get one. Then we spend the whole day decorating and drinking and snacking on whatever we have on hand. Sometimes we stay inside and just read while Wayne plays his old records. Or I’ll take the kids out to go skate if my cousins are around.”
“That sounds really nice Eddie. I never really got to have traditions like that growing up.” Steve had talked a bit about his cold, lonely upbringing, and how he’d never had people to celebrate the holidays with until Robin and his group of shitheads. Eddie had suspected that Steve had to be at least a bit lonely to volunteer to go to a practical stranger’s house for Christmas but Eddie was really happy he had.
“Then I’m all too happy to share ours with you.” Steve’s lip wobbles a touch as he pulls Eddie into a gentle hug.
“I feel like a horrible person for crying when you’re the one who went through so much today, but thank you for having me.” Eddie wraps his arms around Steve and holds him back just as gently, fingers sinking into Steve’s thick waves.
“Thank you for offering to come. I feel so much braver, facing everything that happened today because I wasn’t going through it alone.” The held each other for a moment longer before drifting back to their own spaces. “Want some cocoa before we head to bed? It’s a queen if you don’t mind sharing, the couch is…” he inhales sharply, “not great.”
“I feel like we’re going about things in a very weird order. Haven’t kissed, haven't been on a date but going straight to sharing a bed. Yeah, cocoa sounds nice.”
“It’s from a packet so temper your fine artisanal drink crafting expectations.” Eddie says tugging Steve into the kitchen,
Steve just shakes his head and giggles, “Just how pretentious do you think I am?”
Wayne watches them from his seat in the living room, two of them wrapped up in their own little world of new romance as they stand hip to hip in the kitchen, sipping hot chocolate and watching each other with stars in their eyes. They might actually start discussing marriage before their third date.
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I finished the Buddie fic so hopefully that brainrot is satisfied enough that I can finish a Destiel WIP. Here's the beginning bit!
“Shit, shit, shit!” Dean whispers, his desperation a little too prominent in every word, even at the quiet volume. Luckily, the only person close enough to hear him is too unconscious to comment. Unfortunately for the man, he probably will comment on the bruises likely forming on his ass from being dragged down a flight of stairs. And what a fantastic ass it is. The dude had looked almost scrawny underneath his tax account getup when he entered the bar, but now Dean is very aware of how built the man is. Castiel, the man had said — and what kind of name is that?— could probably manhandle Dean with little effort and Dean’s finding the accountant with an uneventful life story significantly less believable by the time he gets the man to his car. Dean has never been one to objectify unconscious men he’s kidnapped, but he’s also never kidnapped anyone before so he cuts himself some slack.
No pressure tagging: @father-salmon @snarkythewoecrow @monsterrae1 @cactusdragon517 and anyone else who wants to do it! Consider yourself tagged!!
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
summary: all for one steals a rental car without realizing Izuku was sleeping in the back seat. But he definitely isn't letting Izuku go now (Izuku doesn't know that) since he reminds him of his younger brother and his ex-wife Inko. And it definitely helps that Izuku is (wrongly assumed to be) all mights son!
