May 30
”omg queen you’re here too??” — me encountering the same authors for the twelfth time this morning
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”omg queen you’re here too??” — me encountering the same authors for the twelfth time this morning
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I'm sick and tired of this constant need to prove myself.
I'm side of people forcing me to put all my heart and soul into things I do not enjoy. Maybe I was not made for this. Maybe I was not truly made for being assimilated into a routine where I'm constantly expected to do extraordinarily.
"Other students do it." Yeah cause they're better than me. I'm not like them. I can't do it. I'm not the type to pick up a Physics text book and understand it well enough to start doing questions soon after. I don't like it.
"Other students don't, either, yet they do it, they can do it—" Yeah cause they're smart and intelligent and I'm not. I'm stupid. Maybe I'm the dumbest human to ever exist.
I can't do it.
I can't thrive in an environment where me acknowledging my basic human requirements leads me to question my academics and my scholarly progress.
"But other students can and YOU can't—"
Yeah, that's the fucking point.
Why is every single mistake looked at like a question about my academic inclinations and not as a result of where you — the capable adults who always know better put me in? Why are all these bad outcomes of a situation I never wanted to be in, looked at as MY mistakes rather than your shortcomings? This competitive and toxic environment was not for me and you forced me here.
And I'm tired.
Sometimes I feel so lost I don't know how to interact with people. It's like I'm static at a point and the world is moving at buzzing speed around. I want this to be over so bad
Evident by my urge to stop existing and die which is stronger than my yearning to accomplish something.
I know people hate working with me on group projects because I will give you constructive feedback if your part of the report does not fit in it all: Especially if deadline is in 2 hours???? speaking from current circumstances.. :,-)
i am going through this academic burnout and honestly it's so mentally consuming. finals are in a month and my need to completely isolate myself is so strong but i just can't stand getting bad grades...
I have a meeting w my supervisor tomorrow morning and ughhh it’s gonna be the worst... feels like I’ve hardly done anything at all since my last supervision... he’s going to be so disappointed :(
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As an academic, I’m constantly trying to not misgender authors I cite and to minimize my usage of gendered pronouns at all. It would be fantastic if authors included their preferred/acceptable pronouns in their bios in articles and if we included them in our citation practices. Like, I want to refer to everyone as “they,” but also don’t want to offend anyone by doing so.
I also fucking hate that most people assume an author is a man until proven otherwise and that I sometimes do this, too. I’ve seen people change the way they talk about an author’s work once they realize it’s actually written by a woman, which frustrates me to no end. Suddenly it becomes about the way they write rather than the insightful content they’ve written, and it just makes me want to have something labeled ‘patriarchy’ that I can punch.
Yeah I'm an asshole when it comes to academic stuff, you failed but you were out in parties, skipping class and straight up ignoring your shit? Then yes, I am gonna laugh no matter how shitty you think I am, I'll laugh when you're begging the teacher to pass you, I don't care if you think I'm an asshole because the very few things you actually have to add up to your grade you paid me to do them, so yes, I get to laugh because you brought it onto yourself lol
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